The Meaning of Life
by Little Author 13
Summary: Survival means something different for everybody. For Naomi Peters, it means getting into the Military Police and escaping the gypsy life that she'd always known. With each step, the road starts to become complex to the point everything is no longer black and white, but grey. The only thing she can be certain about is the bonds between friends and love.
1. 104th Trainees Squad: Initiation

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

The sun beat down on my forehead, roasting it. My black hair absorbed the rays like a sponge, burning my scalp with the heat. I had pulled it back into a French braid and twisted the tail up into a bun before the initiation. A strand of baby hair tickled my forehead, but I refused to scratch it in fear of being singled out.

I watched as the instructor marched down the rows of recruits, glaring at them. His voice carried through the empty field as he pounded a recruit's spirits into the ground. It was enough to send me waking in my boots as well as many others beside me. After the first few cadets he picked on, I was pretty sure everyone was hoping they weren't next.

The form fitting uniforms did not help the situation, instantly sticking to my sweaty skin as I stood in agony. At first, when we were given them, I was very excited. It sent a shiver of excitement through me. But now, I wanted to strip naked and run for the showers.

Trying to relax, I focused on the other cadets. I had to scout out the competition, and see if I stood a chance.

A boy with short blonde hair and a good build on his frame stood a few rows down. He stood facing forward with the resolve of a wall. His eyes were cold and fierce, almost as intimidating as Shadis yelling in a cadet's face. Immediately, I knew I didn't stand a chance to him. A guy who was naturally built for strenuous work and without scruples would have no trouble staying in the program as long as he kept out of trouble.

Right next to him was another boy who looked just as formidable. He looked more agile than muscular and stood slightly taller than him. He seemed more approachable as opposed to his friend, still devoid of emotion though. Both of them wore blank expressions on their faces.

A girl across the way with her blonde hair pulled back stared ahead with a bored expression on her face. Her blue eyes were icy and cold as Shadis passed her too. Several others who had similar expressions as the two boys and girl were ignored by the Instructor. It was then I realized that the recruits who were going to be impossible to compare myself to were those kids with the blank expressions. My confidence was quickly going down the drain.

Shadis stopped in front of one boy with two-toned hair.

"WHAT DO WE HAVE OVER HERE?"

The boy saluted him and answered without faltering, "Jean Kirschtein, Sir! From the Trost District."

"AND WHY ARE YOU HERE, CADET?"

With a smirk, Jean replied almost coolly, "To join the Military Police, Sir—the best of the best."

_Someone's ambitious. _I thought to myself.

There was a pause. It was no secret that the Military Police was the best branch and most coveted. Being able to join the Military Police meant a life of luxury in the interior, away from Titans. Everyone vied for a spot, and that's why the competition was so fierce, and why I stood no chance.

Shadis's voice lowered momentarily, contemplating Jean's answer.

"You wanna live in the interior, do ya?"

Jean brightened. "Yes."

Before I knew it Shadis's head collided with Jean's, and Jean crumbled to the ground in pain.

"NO ONE TOLD YOU TO SIT, RECRUIT! IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THIS KIRSCHTEIN, THEN FORGET ABOUT JOINING THE MILITARY POLICE!"

As soon as he turned on his heels, his gaze fell on me. My heart fluttered and my legs suddenly felt like jell-o.

"AND WHO ARE YOU?"

I saluted as precise as I could and answered without a hint of fear in my voice, "Naomi Peters, Sir! I'm from Karanese District!"

"WHAT MADE YOU WANNA JOIN? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU CAN BARELY BENCH THIRTY!"

"I was looking for adventure and wanted to be useful in life. And for the record, I can bench sixty-five!"

"WHAT ARE YOU, FIVE?! THIS ISN'T AFTERNOON TEA OR A WALK IN THE PARK! I BET THE FIRST TIME YOU ENCOUNTER A TITAN, YOU'LL PEE YOUR PANTS! YOU'LL END UP TITAN MEAT WITH THAT ATTITUDE OF YOURS! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A SMALL FRY DOESN'T MEAN I'LL GO EASY ON YOU. NO! IF ANYTHING, I'LL MAKE SURE YOUR LIFE IS A LIVING HELL!"

I tried to keep my face in check as he yelled, spit flying out of his mouth occasionally. My ears rang after he left to attack his next victim.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE, YOU SMILING IDIOT?"

"Marco Bodt. At your service, sir, from Jinae; south side of Wall Rose! I aim to join the Military Police and give life and limb in service to the King!"

"Well then," Shadis started darkly. "That makes you an idealistic fool—and a rube. You want the truth?"

Shadis stepped closer so his face loomed over Marco's.

"The only use the King has for your life interest is Titan fodder," and with that, Shadis moved on to a short, bald-looking boy.

Marco had a look of surprise and apprehension on his face. I almost felt sorry for the nice looking boy. He had freckles speckling the bridge of his nose, over his cheeks and friendly, brown eyes. I must have looked shaken as him after my brief interrogation.

Jean was back on his feet, sporting a sour look on his face. His forehead where Shadis had head butted had a slight red tinge to it. I imagined that he had a headache at that moment. Although very justifiable his motivation for joining the military, it irked me that he had the gall to blatantly declare his motivations. It was almost like kicking dirt on the rest of us.

However, I was no better. I wanted a spot in the Military Police. The walls may be strong, but eventually all walls fall from weather and decay. There was nowhere to go but inward. Even then, I wouldn't be safe. I just hoped that it didn't come to that in my lifetime.

Shadis was getting on the bald boy's case for saluting wrong. I hardly registered his turmoil as I met eyes with a girl a few bodies down from me. She studied me, emotionless. She had jet black hair with the same color of eyes. I heard of Orientals, but I had never seen one in person.

My Mama told me that my clan had a history of Oriental blood, and that's where I got my black hair and light skin. I was darker than the Oriental girl, but lighter than my kin. I didn't have the girl's midnight black eyes. Mine were amber from the long running gypsy blood flowing through my veins.

The story goes that when the Titans appeared a long time ago, the human race went nearly extinct. But the gypsy clans that roamed the land used their connection to the energy of the earth to keep the Titans at bay. Our earth energy came from the Atlanteans. We believed we came from the people of Atlantis, inhabiting a mass of land until it was swallowed up by the sea.

During that time, it was said a few of the remaining Orientals sought refuge with my clan, the Grastari. And so the Grastari became known for their Oriental features. For hundreds of years, the gypsy clans managed to evade the titans using their earth energy. Of course, it was all a legend that had been passed down in the clans for generations. I didn't actually believe in the earth energy.

I was born a Grastari, but raised as a Sindhi.

Suddenly the yelling stopped. I broke my eye contact with the girl and looked over to Shadis. Another girl with her auburn hair pulled back into a ponytail was nonchalantly eating a steamed potato. I had to blink several times to make sure I was seeing correctly. Apparently, Shadis as well as the other recruits were just as surprised.

"What do you think you're doing?" Shadis asked.

When she didn't seem to hear him, he stepped in front of her and bellowed, "YOU'RE OFFICIALLY ON MY SHITLIST! JUST WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"

Saluting with the potato in one hand, the girl replied, "Sasha Blouse from Dauper village at your service! Reporting for duty sir!"

"Sasha Blouse, huh? And what is that you're clutching in your right hand?"

"A steamed potato," she answered. "It sat there in the Mess Hall begging to be eaten. Sir!"

"The theft I understand, but here," he looked down on her with a calm, serious face. "Why here of all places?"

I started to wonder how smart she was. She didn't seem at all aware of how serious her situation was.

Looking at Shadis with a dull expression, she explained, "It looked quite delicious, and it was getting cold. So I gave it shelter in my stomach, Sir."

"Why? I can't comprehend. Why would you eat that potato?"

It was then she sealed her fate.

"Are you asking me why people eat potatoes? I'm surprised you don't know sir."

Everyone stared at her in disbelief. If Shadis hadn't been scary yet, I was worried what kind of wrath would befall Sasha.

After offering Shadis part of her potato, he snapped back into action and roared, "NO EATING POTATOES AT ATTENTION! FOR YOUR LACK OF CONCERN FOR PRESENTATION YOU WILL RUN WITHOUT BREAKS UNTIL THE SUN SETS! GOT IT?!"

"Sir, yes sir!" Sasha chirped.

Snatching the other half of the potato, Shadis declared, "YOU HAVE ALSO LOST YOUR MEAL PRIVELEGES FOR THE NEXT FIVE DAYS! BE AT ATTENTION PROPERLY NEXT TIME RECRUIT! EVERYONE ELSE IS DISMISSED."

"Noooo!" Sasha wailed, suddenly becoming emotional. "Please, not the food!"

"I SAID RUN! SHALL I MAKE IT TEN DAYS?"

I relaxed from my position, stretching out my muscles. My back popped as I got my body moving again, and as I walked my arms and legs felt fatigued. Walking back to the barracks, I fell in step beside a girl wearing pigtails.

She said, "I'm so glad that's over."

"Me too," I said. "I feel sorry for that girl over there."

We both looked over and saw Sasha starting to run the grounds.

"Yeah. She must really be something else." She added, "I'm Mina Carolina."

"Naomi Peters."

She smiled at me kindly. "Nice to meet you Naomi."


	2. 104th Trainees Squad: Ambition

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

When we entered the Mess Hall, recruits were already gathered and forming small groups. Having no one to hang out with, I joined Mina and her group. With so many people, the Mess Hall was very tight. Although we were sheltered from the sun, the smell of body odor and humidity continued to cling to us.

I stepped away from the group to get a drink of water from the barrel in the corner of the room. Accidentally, I ran into someone while navigating through the bodies. When I looked up, I was met with moss green eyes and dark hair. Beside him was the thick blonde from the Initiation Ceremony. With their eyes on me, and their sheer height dwarfing mine, I was slightly intimidated by them.

"Sorry," I apologized.

"Don't be. It's awful crowded in here." The dark haired one asked. "What's your name?"

"Naomi."

He stuck out his hand to shake mine.

"I'm Bertolt. Nice to meet you." Bertolt pointed to his friend. "That's Reiner."

Reiner grunted a hello. "Lucky you bumped into Bertolt, otherwise I might've stepped on you."

I slightly paled at the thought as Reiner chuckled good-naturedly.

"I'm not that short. I come up to your neck."

Bertolt smiled. "Not even on me."

I replied with more energy in my voice, "Maybe I'll grow! Just wait and see me pass both of you in height!"

That received a hearty laugh from Reiner and a big grin from Bertolt. As Reiner's laughed died down he patted my head.

"Good luck with that, Little Mouse."

I remembered what I was doing before I met the boys, and worked my way to the water. As I quenched my thirst, I saw two girls sitting down nearby. She was a very tan individual with a dusting of freckles over her face and her brown hair pulled back. The girl rubbed her neck with a pained look on her face. The other one was a sweet looking girl with blonde hair.

"Feeling sore?" I asked the brown-haired girl.

She turned her head towards me, sizing me up.

"No, I'm fine," she said with a hint of sharpness in her tone.

I stepped toward her. "Want me to help?"

"No, go away."

The girl beside her said, "Ymir, just let her help you. What could it hurt?"

Wordlessly, Ymir glanced at her friend with annoyance, and then shot me a look. However her friend patted the bench in beckoning.

I sat down beside her and started kneading Ymir's back with my fingers. Still frigid towards me, she sat in silence.

The blonde girl said, "Don't worry about Ymir. She just doesn't like getting help often. I'm Krista."

I replied to her, "Naomi."

"Nice to meet you, Naomi."

"Alright enough," Ymir grumbled, standing up.

She flexed her back and rolled her shoulders.

Without turning to face me, she admitted, "That was ok."

Krista brightened. "You feel better?"

"I don't feel any soreness anymore," turning towards me, still with a cold look on her face, said, "Nice to meet you."

Before I could answer, Shadis burst into the Mess Hall and had us return to the training grounds. For the rest of the day, he yelled commands at us and we had to yell the response back. By the end of the day, I was drenched in sweat and Sasha was still running. The first wave of dropouts left by wagon just before the sun set on the horizon.

I swore to myself that I would make it through all the way, Military Police or not. Working in the fields was not an option for me.

At dinner, I sat with Ymir and Krista. Ymir acted stand-offish, but she tolerated my presence. Krista was the one that chattered to both of us. I politely responded, trying to forget the bland taste of our food supplied to us. Suddenly, all conversations ended and one boy was talking. He talked about the recent fall of Wall Maria. A group of captivated recruits circled his table.

I whispered over to Krista, "Who is he?"

"That's Eren Jaeger. He's from Shiganshima, the town that fell to the Titans." She added, "Those other two are Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert. They too, come from Shiganshima."

"I feel sorry for them."

"Me too."

Eren growled, "Those stupid Titans. They're really not that big of a deal. If we focus on mastering the Three-Dimensional Maneuver Gear they gave us, then it's Titan payback time. I've waited years to be trained as a soldier. All of a sudden the reality is sinking in. I'm joining the Scout Regiment, then I'm sending the Titans back to hell. I'm gonna butcher them all."

Across the room, Jean piped up, "Hey, are you crazy or something?"

Sitting with his head propped up on his arm, he looked at Eren with mild scorn.

He continued, "Not that it's any of my business, but signing up for reconnaissance is like a death sentence."

The air started getting tense as Eren glared at Jean.

"I guess we'll see," Eren replied defensively. "Or at least I will. You seem content in hiding in the interior with the MPs."

"Look, I'm just speaking honestly here, kid. I think it's better than being some loudmouth-bragger-tough-guy-wannabe pretending he's not as piss scared as the rest of us."

He somehow managed to make a bad impression no matter what came out of his mouth. Eren abruptly stood up.

Krista clutched Ymir's arm in fright.

"Oh dear. I hope they don't fight."

Dryly, Ymir replied, "They won't."

"I have a feeling that it'll be like this often between the two," I whispered.

Just then the bell rang, signifying the end of dinner and preparation for bedtime. Eren and Jean stood face to face, ready to pounce on each other, but instead, Jean sighed.

"Hey, I apologize. Sorry for calling you names and dismissing your choice of career." Holding his hand out, Jean said, "Put'er there kid, whaddya say?"

Eren scowled at him, unconvinced. "Right. Yeah, I'm sorry as well."

With that, he slapped Jean's hand away and started for the door. Following after him, was Mikasa. I saw Jean unsuccessful try to talk to her, a flustered look on his face. Krista saw too and craned her head to watch the scene.

"Oooh. Jean likes Mikasa."

I said as Mikasa left out the door, "It looks like he got blown off by her."

He disappeared out the door after her. Krista was studying me when I turned to clean up my dishes. She had a smirk on her face.

"You like him, don't you?"

"What? No. He'd be handsome if not for his smug personality."

Ymir stated, "I think he's an ass. I doubt he'll have any admirers."

With that said, we put our dishes away and got ready for bed. After showering and changing into my casual clothes, I stepped out of the communal bathrooms and started for the girls' barracks. I was daydreaming about how nice my bed would feel after the first day when a voice broke through my thoughts.

"Hey, wait!"

Turning, I found Jean Kirschtein jogging up to meet me. He'd just taken a shower, and his hair was still damp. The nearby torch illuminated his hair orange. Up close, I saw the sharp masculine features of his face.

I caught myself gawking at him and replied, "Yes?"

"You dropped your comb," Jean said while holding it out to me.

I took it and said, "Oh! Thanks. Can't live without my comb."

There was a brief moment of silence. I didn't feel right just walking away, and I was slightly petrified in place by my faint attraction towards Jean. I wasn't fond of his attitude, but at the same time, I still found him attractive.

He cleared his throat and asked, "You're Naomi right?"

"Yeah." I pointed to him, "Jean?"

"That's right."

"How's your head?"

In the torchlight, I thought I saw a blush creep up his face.

He grumbled, "Fine."

"That's good to hear. I'd better get to the barracks. We've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow."

With that, we departed.

*O*O*

Upon entering the boys' barracks, Jean plopped down on his cot. Marco Bodt was already in his against the wall, reading. Looking at Jean, he smiled in hello. Jean grunted as he peeled off his boots. Mikasa and Eren hung heavy in his mind.

"What a day, huh Marco?"

"First day is always the hardest," Marco added.

"I can't wait to start training in the mobility gear." Jean sighed as he lay on his cot.

"Yo!" A boy by the name of Nac Tius called out in the barracks. "Who's the hottest chic among the recruits?"

Mylius hollered, "Thomas Wagner."

Everyone burst out laughing as Thomas turned red and cried out indignantly.

Marco said, "C'mon guys. Let's be decent here and not dehumanize the girls."

"Can we just go to sleep?" Armin asked to no one in particular.

Ignoring the protests, Nac continued, "What about Ackerman? She's got a hot bod on her."

Until then, Eren laid on his side trying to sleep when Mikasa's name came up. He bolted upright in his cot and growled, "Don't even go there, or I'll kill you."

Jean watched as Nac held up his hands in surrender.

"Fine, fine. But I think it's between her and the Peters girl."

Tom asked, "Is she Oriental too?"

"I don't know. Looks like it. Anyone go the deets on her?"

"You think I'd have a chance with her?" Connie asked wistfully.

Jean burst with, "She probably is really smart and has standards that none of us could compare to because she's too busy taking care of idiots who can't keep their mouths shut."

The boys who were awake and active in the conversation stopped and gaped at Jean with slight confusion. Jean didn't meet the gaze of his friend Marco and instead, rolled over and retired for the night. Marco looked over at Jean with concern.

It was then Reiner rumbled from his cot, "She's human like the rest of us. Now go to sleep."

The tone of his voice was enough to hush Nac and the rest of the boys in the barracks, and with the snuffing of the lamps, darkness cloaked them.


	3. 104th Trainees Squad: Bet

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

I waited anxiously as another person was lifted off the ground. The person wobbled and immediately turned upside-down. He cried out in fear as he dangled above the ground. Worry bubbled up in my stomach at the sight. What if I couldn't do it? Suddenly I felt a pat on my head. I look up and see Reiner and Bertolt looming over me.

"Hey there, Little Mouse," Reiner greeted.

"Hey," I answered, turning to watch Shadis yell at another recruit trying to right herself. "How'd you guys do?"

"Great. We both passed," Bertolt replied. "You'll do fine, Naomi."

Reiner said, "You've got a buckle unbuckled."

"What? Where?"

Reiner bent down and adjusted the belt along the side of my leg. Once he finished, he patted it reassuringly.

"There you go, Little Mouse."

I said, "Thanks a lot. And why do you keep calling me Little Mouse?"

"You're just really short."

I shot him a look while Bertolt stifled a laugh.

"PETERS!" Shadis roared. "You're up next!"

I strode to the front and allowed another recruit to attach the lines.

Before I knew it, I was being lifted up. I felt the belts around my feet and legs tighten with my weight, and my stability waivered. Feeling my body tilt backwards, I tightened my muscles and managed to pull myself back upright. Then I felt myself tilting forward and immediately I corrected by spreading my feet apart. With an arm in front of one wire, and the other behind the other wire, I found balance. Realizing I was okay, I couldn't help but a grin spread across my face.

"Well, Peters. Looks like you passed. NEXT!"

With a bounce in my step, I returned to the smug grins of Bertolt and Reiner.

Reiner commented, "Not bad, Little Mouse."

I stood next to them as I watched more recruits pass and fail. Several failed. The sun was merciless again that day, but at least we didn't have to run or deal with Shadis's direct confrontations. Standing next to me, was the boy who smiled a lot during the Initiation Ceremony the other day.

He gently nudged me and said, "Hey. Congratulations."

"Thanks. Did you pass too?"

He nodded.

"I'm Naomi."

"Marco. Pleasure to meet you."

Marco had the gentlest face. His eyes twinkled with optimism and hope. If I hadn't met Marco in the recruitment program, I would have never dreamed he was a soldier.

"You know who else made it?" I asked.

"Let's see," Marco thought aloud. "Jean made it. You know Jean?"

I felt a flutter in my stomach at his name.

I answered, "I talked with him a little."

"And then Sasha and Connie made it."

"I don't know either of them."

Marco replied, "Well, I'll have to introduce you to them. They're awful nice people."

Shadis broke into our conversation, sending everyone jumping out of their skin.

"GET SOME GRUB, YOU MAGGOTS! THOSE OF YOU WHO DIDN'T PASS THE APTITUDE TEST CAN TRY AGAIN AFTER LUNCH!"

We saluted him before making our way to the Mess Hall. Marco led me to his table where Jean and another boy sat. The boy was bald and short for a male. It was then I remembered he was the one who saluted in reverse the very first day.

"Hey guys!" Marco greeted. "Connie, I want to introduce you to Naomi. Naomi, this is Connie."

"Hi," I said.

Connie stared at me as if I was the last human being on earth. He barely managed to stutter out a hello. While Marco went to fetch our lunches for us, I sat down across from Jean, right next to Connie.

"So," I started, feeling awkward. "How are you guys?"

"Good," Jean said absentmindedly.

Just then, Mikasa walked by. Jean's bored expression changed to awe as he followed her with his eyes. He looked like a lost puppy. But when his eyes sighted Eren beside Mikasa, his expression turned bitter.

I leaned over the table and murmured, "Lovestruck by Mikasa, huh?"

He jerked his gaze to me in annoyance.

"Hell no. I just don't get why a girl like that hangs around a guy like Eren." Jean continued, "All he thinks about is killing Titans."

"It's thinking like that that will get him killed faster than any of us," Connie added.

I glanced over to Eren, studying him. The way his eyes burned, screamed everything but death. It held loss, pain, and love in them.

I said, "I don't see death. I see strength."

Marco finally returned with our lunch. He plopped himself down beside Jean and we all moved on to a different subject.

Jean behaved differently when Marco was around. His movements were more relaxed and open. For once, Jean's tone changed from utter contempt for those around him, to friendliness.

"Naomi, you never told us what branch you wanted to join," Marco said.

I looked up from my questionable soup and found all three pairs of eyes staring at me.

"Yeah Naomi," Jean chided. "We're aiming for the Military Police. What about you?"

"Military Police."

Jean sat back, leaning against a support beam. He sighed sadly.

"Too bad. Now I have to compete with you. Although judging by your size and muscle, I have a high change of still getting in."

Marco said, "It doesn't have to be like that."

"Don't underestimate me," I warned. "Although I'm small, I have the self-discipline and drive to be better."

"But there's only ten slots available," Connie stated. "And those ten are reserved for the top of the class."

Marco started, "Well, I want to join the Military Police, but I still want to have friends along the way. I think friendships are healthier than enemies."

"Did you hear? Jaeger didn't pass the aptitude test yet," Jean announced.

"Really?" I asked.

"Really. I bet he'll be shipped out tomorrow."

Marco said, "That's shocking to hear. I would've expected him to be the first to pass out of all of us."

"The less competition," Connie began. "The better. I need that spot in the Military Police."

"Yeah? Well me too," Jean said back. "Say, let's make a bet. The first one to Master the 3DMG doesn't have to skinny dip in the nearby lake."

"I'm in!" Connie exclaimed.

"Me too!" Marco confirmed.

"Me too!" I said.

All three boys blushed.

"You can't be part of the bet," Jean said. "You're a girl."

"It won't matter if I win. And if I don't, I'll do it someplace else away from you guys."

Reluctantly, he accepted my argument. The friendly competition made my stomach roll with excitement. For the rest of lunch, I daydreamed about the 3DMG.


	4. 104th Trainees Squad: Obstacle

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

I was walking by the training grounds when I saw Mikasa, Armin, and Eren at one of the Aptitude Test machines. As Armin cranked the lever to hoist Eren up, Eren's stability faltered and Mikasa barely managed to catch him before he went tumbling upside-down. My heart sank for him.

As I entered the girls' barracks, I heard Sasha say loudly, "Hey, what's this?"

My guitar flashed through the air, catching my attention. I had hid it under my bunk behind some of my bags. Apparently, I didn't hide it well enough.

Immediately, I rushed across the room and snatched my guitar away from her. The strings vibrated and left a gentle hum in the air.

I clutched the body close to me and growled at Sasha, "Do _not_ touch my guitar."

The girls in the barracks watched with piqued interest.

Sasha exclaimed, "Whoa! You play guitar? Play something!"

I blinked in surprise, suddenly feeling bashful.

"How'd you sneak that in here?" Ymir asked without much inflexion in her voice.

There was slight repulsion in her tone towards my guitar.

I smiled sheepishly, "I have my ways."

"Play something please!" Sasha begged.

"O-okay," I stammered, sitting down on a nearby cot.

All the girls gathered around or inched towards the edge of their cots to listen to me. Fingers pressed on the frets to create a chord, I started strumming.

___*_Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

_Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme_

_Remember me to one who live there_

_For once he was a true love of mine_

_..._

_Have him make me a cambric shirt_

_Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme_

_Without a seam or fine needle work_

_And then he'll be a true love of mine_

_..._

_Have him wash it in yonder dry well_

_Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme_

_Where ne'er a drop of water e'er fell_

_And then he'll be a true love of mine_

_..._

_Love imposes impossible tasks_

_Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme_

_Though not more than any heart asks_

_And I must know he's a true love of mine_

_..._

_Dear, when thou hast finished thy task_

_Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme_

_Come to me, my hand for to ask_

_For thou then art a true love of mine_

The last chord rang in the air. For a moment, the girls in the dorm held their breaths. And then all of a sudden, they burst into applause. I bowed to them graciously before Sasha knocked into me and hugged me with a vice-like grip.

"So pretty!" she cried. "We promise not to tell Shadis you snuck your guitar in here so long as you entertain us!"

"Okay," I choked out.

She grabbed onto my shoulders and said with a serious face, "Teach me to play guitar."

"W-well I—"

"PLEASE! I need to take my mind off the hunger!" Sasha wailed, rolling on the ground while clutching her stomach. "I don't think I can last very long…"

The dinner bell rang, and the girls jumped up to go to the Mess Hall. Several of them paid compliments as they walked by.

Ymir grumbled as she walked past me, "What a racket."

Krista chided her as they walked outside.

I finally answered Sasha after she'd calmed down, "Fine! I'll teach you."

She beamed up at me, and for the rest of dinner, I couldn't shake her.

*O*O*

The second wave of dropouts left that night. Seeing all the people I'd met so far still around made me happy, knowing that I wouldn't be lonely for the next three years. It turned out Eren made the cut, discovering he had a defect belt during his last aptitude test. Somehow pulling off his stability with a defect belt for only several seconds was a major feat, and afterwards, was the talk amongst the cadets. Once the last few recruits attempted their aptitude test once more, Shadis had us line up in a block.

"Well," he started. "Looks like we have our cadets. But this is just the beginning. You will work harder, think harder, and bleed harder than any civilian or farmer. You will look death in the eye at least once during the next three years, and hopefully, most will survive.

"Alright maggots. You'll be split into squads. These teams will be your squads for the rest of the year! So you better get along!" He pulled out a sheet of paper from his jacket pocket, and called out:

_Squad one: Marlis Rowe_

_Reiner Braun_

_Krista Lenz _

_Alexander Segher_

_Squad two: Bertolt Hoover_

_Maurice Sadler_

_ Barbara Farrell_

_Kia Farro_

_Squad three: Mina Carolina _

_Thomas Wagner _

_Traci Archer _

_Daz Elisson_

_Squad four: Peter Clarkson _

_Valentino Brams _

_Jean Kirchtein _

_Andra Teagan_

_Squad five: Marco Bodt _

_Naomi Peters _

_Nicolas Brent _

_Annie Leonhardt _

_Squad six_…"

As soon as the teams assembled, he had us running in waves across an obstacle course. At the edge of the forest, old wagon wheels and potholes obstructed the one-hundred meter path.

Squad one was released and they burst onto the course. Reiner took the lead and easily jumped over the pitfalls and wagon spokes. With his sheer strength, he scampered up a wooden wall and disappeared down the other side. Krista was the one to pull up the rear of her squad, struggling through the deep pits. Shadis, perched on top of a horse, trotted along the course and grilled her keister for being so slow. By the time the other two members of her squad got to the climbing wall, Shadis released squad two.

Bertolt stepped agilely through the spokes of the wagon wheels and breezed through the potholes with his long legs. He too was scaling the wall long before the rest of his squad. His squad members were still trying to get out of the potholes as his lanky form vaulted the top of the wall.

The third squad didn't have exceptional athletes among them. They mostly were close together as they tackled the course. Squad four was more spread out, but none of them reached the climbing wall in under a minute. Jean struggled to find a grip on the flat surface of the wall. Even with the rope dangling in front of the flat boards that made the wall, it was difficult for him to pull himself up.

Suddenly, Shadis yelled, "SQUAD FIVE! GO!"

My surprise quickly was replaced by my take off, kicking up dirt as I ran. The girl with cold blue eyes and blonde hair nimbly sped ahead of the rest of us, but then the potholes slowed her down. The boy, Nicolas Brent, took a tumble as his foot caught a spoke. Shadis reprimanded him. Marco and I were side by side, running. I tried balancing on the edge of the adjacent potholes in the course, succeeding momentarily until Shadis's voice cut through the air.

"PETERS! THIS ISN'T BALLET!"

As luck would have it, I lost my balance and fell into one of the holes. I was halfway done with this section of the course, too. Marco managed to get ahead of me barely, and I worked my way out of the potholes. My breathing was already labored by the time I reached the wall. I was about to jump for the edge of the wall when Marco stopped me.

"Wait," he said. "Let me lift you up and then you help me."

Without a moment to spare, I agreed to his plan. Making a foothold with his hands, I stepped onto his dirty palms and lunged for the top. With effort, I managed to stand up. Leaning back to counter Marco's weight, he grabbed onto my wrists and managed to hoist himself up. There was a brief exchange of thanks before we jumped down from the wall and made a run for the last part of the course.

A muddy pond with floating logs packed over the surface was next. As soon as I set foot on it, my footing slipped out from under me. With a yelp, I landed on my back, the air knocked out of me. Marco quickly fell as well. Determined to get through, I crawled on my hands and knees towards solid ground, slipping and sliding on the slick wood. My hands kept slipping between the loose packed logs and I found muddy water splashing up in my face.

Marco was the first to reach solid ground and held out a hand to me. I graciously took it and we started for the last leg of the course. We had to walk across a narrow bridge over another pond, this time punching bags swinging to and fro across the bridge. Taking the speedy tactic, I rushed across the bridge and got smacked in the face with a bag coming my way. I cried out and landed in the pond.

"NICE JOB PETERS! IF YOU HAD LOOKED, YOU WOULDN'T BE TITAN FODDER! GET BACK ON THE BRIDGE AND FINISH UP!"

Floundering I hoisted myself back onto the bridge in an area the bags weren't swinging. Then, I advanced cautiously while dodging them.

Shadis bellowed, "PICK UP THE PACE CADET! YOU'RE SLOWING THE LINE DOWN!"

The narrow bridge was slippery from all the cadets who'd fallen in the pond. Just as I was about to cross to safe ground, I slipped and the punching bag came right for me. I crashed back into the pond, ingesting some dirty water along the way. Coughing, I waded to shore with it being only a foot away and stood with the other battered cadets.

Every single one of us was wet. We all looked like we decided to go rolling in mud like little kids. Mina stood shivering in the shade of the forest, her pigtails disheveled from the exercise. Reiner and Bertolt stood off to the side, their pants and part of their shirts dripping and speckled with debris. The only one who seemed the least perturbed about the situation was Marco.

He laughed, "Wow! What a workout! This beats the heat of the day."

His lighthearted mood managed to pull a smile from my lips.

"I'm just glad it's over."

Marco looked over at me, and his face fell. "Naomi, you're nose is bleeding."

"Huh? What?" I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, and a streak of red was painted across it. "Oh. I must have gotten it when the punching bag hit me."

From his pocket, Marco pulled out a soggy handkerchief. He offered it to me, and I quickly plugged my nose with it and tilted my head back.

"Thanks," I said.

"Damn!" Jean swore. "I nearly twisted my ankle on those logs."

"HEY MAGGOTS!" Shadis growled. "THIS ISN'T TEA TIME! GET BACK IN LINE WITH YOUR SQUADS!"

Inwardly, I cringed before following close behind Marco.

* * *

_*A shortened version of the folk song Scarborough Fair_


	5. 104th Trainees Squad: Trick

I** do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

"Hey guys! You wanna see a trick?"

The guys at the table nodded. I was heavily fatigued, and so I worried it wouldn't work right. But I was looking for a way to distract myself from my aching muscles. Holding a coin in my hand, I let it dance between my fingers and over my knuckles before clapping it between my hands. When my hands parted, the coin was no longer in my palms.

There was a gasp from the table, and Connie yelled, "No way! Where'd it go?"

Giggling, I answered while reaching behind Jean's ear, "Right here."

My hand revealed the coin from his ear, and in turn Jean grabbed his ear. Applause and a hoot of laughter erupted from the table at the sight.

Soon I was asked to do it again, and my audience slowly increased. The attention was like water to my parched gypsy soul. Reiner and Bertolt stood on either side of me, two masses of flesh. Annie stood next to Reiner as she quirked an eyebrow up at my trick.

"How did you do that?" Connie asked incredulously.

Giving Marco his coin back, I replied without thinking, "A gypsy never exposes her secrets."

The table fell silent, staring at me. The expressions on everyone's faces ranged from surprise to disgust.

Marco restated, "You're a gypsy?"

The harsh gazes made me squirm, and I quietly answered, "Yeah."

"That explains your strange casual clothing!" Sasha blurted. "And your guitar!"

"You brought a guitar?!" Connie exclaimed.

"Shh!" I hushed. "I sneaked it in, yes."

"I've heard gypsies are thieves. They pretend to be entertainers, but they really just are scum of the streets," Jean said.

I slammed my fists down on the table and stood up.

The whole room fell silent as I shouted, "I'm not a thief! We gypsies value the art form of song and dance and work hard to live. An arrogant child like you can't get that around your thick skull."

In a hurry, I rushed back to the girls' barracks, my face red with anger. Crossing the threshold of the barracks was the point when I broke down in tears and retreated to my cot, burying my face in my pillow. Trying to be quiet, I muffled my sobs.

The saying was so common among the gypsy folk that I didn't even realize I said it until the table gave me strange looks.

I shouldn't have made any friends. The friendships I'd forged lulled me into a false sense of security, and I paid the price for dropping my guard. Papa always warned me about that. He knew far too well the burden of hatred for our clans.

Knowing I'd have to deal with the resentment for the next three years made me rethink how much I wanted to get into the Military Police. I almost wanted to ship out to the fields—that's what everyone would want anyway for the gypsies. But then I couldn't keep my promise to Papa. I had to get into the Military Police to save myself from squalor.

"If you ask me, who gives a damn what Jean says about gypsies?" Ymir said. "The guy is an asshole, and stupid at that."

I glanced over my shoulder to see Ymir leaning against the doorframe of the barrack's entrance, arms crossed over her chest.

"I mean, I look more like a gypsy than you, so you should stop being sorry for yourself. It pisses me off when people are wallowing in self-pity."

"You don't care that I'm a gypsy?" I croaked.

Ymir stepped into the room and jumped up into her cot.

"Hell no," she answered. "You're a decent person, but you do get on my nerves sometimes."

For some reason, I laughed at that statement.

"Thanks," I whispered.

Ymir grunted, "Now get out of here. I wanna sleep."

I stepped out of the barracks, admiring the moon above me. Planning on taking a trip out to the forest, I was kicking pebbles when I almost ran into another person. When I looked up to apologize, it was Mikasa who I'd bumped into.

She looked at me in the moonlight, slight concern visible in her eyes. Around her neck was a red scarf, concealing part of her face. Her black hair glinted silver in the moonlight.

"You alright, Naomi?"

I forced a smile onto my face.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I was just stepping out for some fresh air."

Mikasa studied me, and I got the feeling she wasn't buying it.

"For what it's worth, I don't care if you're a gypsy. It just makes you special."

She stepped past me and made her way to the barracks.

"Hey Mikasa," I called out to her.

She stopped and turned sideways to look at me.

"I think you're special too."

A smile met her lips. "Thanks."

The camp was supposedly fenced off all around to prevent the cadets from wandering into uncharted territory, but I managed to find a flaw in the fence and stepped past it into the wilderness.

That night, the moon was bright enough to make it seem like daytime. It filtered through the trees in an ethereal manner. Nearing a clearing, I found that it was the edge of a cliff that overlooked a beautiful lake at the bottom. The mountains were like a furry carpet that collected the moon's rays at the bottom of its basin. I sat on a log to look over the scene, finding comfort in my surroundings.

A breeze barely ghosted over my exposed flesh, and I imagined it was Mama hugging me from the spirit world. While enjoying my alone time, I felt another presence.

I looked over my shoulder, and called out to the dark forest, "Who's there?"

Emerging from the shadows was a boy with caramel skin and brown wavy hair. His three gold hoops in his ear glittered in the moonlight. As usual, he had his favorite red scarf with the tassels lining the edges wrapped around his forehead. He flashed me a cheeky grin.

"Aw. I can never sneak up on you."

"Desmond, what are you doing here?"

My older brother plopped himself beside me and stretched out his skinny legs in front of him.

He explained, "Dad sent us to keep an eye on you."

"Wait, you mean the others are here?"

"By others you mean our brothers Soini, Niven, Ellie and Harlan…Yes."

I growled in annoyance, "You're not supposed to be here. I can't visit any family for the next three years."

"Oh! But that doesn't mean that we can't keep tabs on _you_," he poked me as he emphasized the last word.

"What if my Instructor finds you guys camped out in the woods?"

Dezzy scoffed. "Mimi, we're _gypsies_. We can stay on the down low. Besides, maybe I want to join the military. Ellie sure has been taking an interest in it since you joined."

I stayed quiet for a while.

Dezzy noticed this and asked, "Is something the matter?"

"My friends found out I'm a gypsy," I admitted. "Now I'm down to two friends."

"Mimi," Dezzy started. "If they can't look past the fact, they were never friends to begin with. I know it's hard, but you can't quit. Papa really wants you to make something of yourself."

I whispered, "I don't know if I can survive the next three years if they shun me."

"Naomi. You're different than the rest of us. Papa sees that, and he wants you to escape our way of life. You've got something special, and none of us want to see it wasted on dancing and singing in the streets."

"But I like dancing and singing and performing magic tricks," I objected.

"Just trust me. You're meant for more. So don't quit just because some kids don't like gypsies."

We sat a while longer together until I realized it was time to return to the barracks.

I embraced Dezzy tightly and said in his ear, "Thanks for the pep talk. And don't ever bother me during my training."

His chest rumbled with laughter at my playfulness. "Don't worry. I'll be watching."

I returned back the way I came. My last image of Dezzy I would see for some time would be his silhouette against the starry sky.


	6. 104th Trainees Squad: Falling

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

Krista, Ymir, Marco, Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie were some of the first to not care about my background. Eren didn't seem to care about the new information that spread through the cadets like wildfire either; he was too caught up in training to kill titans than get sucked into a petty drama.

Jean, Connie and Sasha remained distant from me. But after several days went by, Sasha approached me in the girls' barracks one night before lights out and timidly asked if she could still learn guitar. Since then, she returned to her usual food-fanatic self. I no longer sat with Jean or Connie, and instead joined Reiner and Bertolt at their table.

The other girls didn't have much to do with me, and neither did the boys outside of my group of friends. I had no interest in winning them over. Surprisingly, no one ratted me out about my instrument.

Days were grueling with conditioning that Shadis threw at us. At night, I barely had enough strength to lift my guitar. Some of the cadets couldn't handle it, and so they were dismissed to the fields. It was only one or two who broke down and chose fieldwork.

Each day was a progressive step backwards as my fatigued muscles endured the same obstacle course the day before, the same five-mile run and combat training. But all of a sudden, I woke up one day and I could move like a well greased machine. The pain had dispersed, leaving behind a euphoric feeling in my muscles. From there, things were steadily improving.

Each squad was assigned a different task each week. This week my squad had the job of washing the outside of buildings. My squad wasn't the only one. Mina and Eren's squads had the same task.

There was the Mess Hall, drill staff quarters, infirmary, storage warehouse, bathrooms, and the barracks. Our group had to wash the barracks, which consisted of six total buildings—two for the girls, and four for the boys. Since we couldn't wash all the buildings in one day, Shadis said that building inspection would occur the last day of our assigned task.

"We'd better hurry," Marco said. "If we want to do touch ups the last day, we need to finish these barracks today."

The barracks weren't incredibly big. Each held twenty-four cadets and their things. The cots lined two walls, two cots per bunk bed and had two doors on either end. There was a closet for storing extra bed sheets and blankets, but you had to find places to cram your stuff away without getting marked down for untidiness.

Mops in each of our hands, we scrubbed the wooden paneling of the barracks. The wood turned dark as it absorbed the soapy water. I rolled up my sleeves to my elbows to try and keep the water from sliding down my arms and soaking my uniform. It was just the three of us—Annie, Marco and I. Our other squad member was one of the two cadets who couldn't handle the pressure. Since it was an uneven number in the entire group, Shadis didn't bother to fill the opening in our squad.

My mop gurgled as I ran it over the dirt and cobwebs in the corners and bottom edge. The excess water dribbled onto the dirt, leaving dark stains in the earth. We had three more building to do before the end of the week. I wouldn't have minded doing the work if it wasn't for the fact I was tired by the end of the day.

Nearby, a fire roared up into the sky, smoke rising like a black cloud to join the white ones above. Another squad was burning trash. With masks protecting their faces, they tossed another can of trash into the pile. Connie was dumping the load in the fire when I glanced over.

He staggered backwards and made his way to grab the next trash can. His jacket uniform was tied around his hips, exposing his muscle shirt. His movements were languid and unnatural. I noticed he couldn't walk in a straight line, and he acted like he had a hard time concentrating. Barely five feet from the trash cans, he suddenly collapsed.

"Connie!" I cried, dropping my mop and rushing to him.

When I got to him, he was unconscious. I pulled off his facemask and tried gently slapping his face to see if he would respond. His eyes fluttered but he didn't come into full consciousness. By then, Marco came trotting over followed by Annie and the rest of Connie's squad. I tried splashing some of my bottled water on him, and he slowly came to. As soon as he did, he started panicking.

"I can't see!" He yelled. "I can't see!"

"Calm down Connie!" I said. "You're okay. Just take deep breaths. Have some water."

I brought the rim to his lips and he immediately started guzzling down the contents. A person from his squad had rushed to the infirmary and brought back two nurses who hurriedly picked Connie up. With Connie between them, they quickly retreated back to the infirmary, leaving a whole group of cadets worried.

During free time before dinner, I visited Connie in the infirmary. He sat in a clean white bed propped up with pillows. Sitting on his nightstand, was a pitcher full of water.

I asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Good," he answered coldly. "Doctor said I was dehydrated."

There was an awkward silence between us as he sipped his water and I stood beside him. I decided that I needed to leave him alone.

"Glad that you're feeling better. I'll see ya around."

"Thanks," he mumbled as I turned to leave.

He inhaled as if he were about to speak. Hearing his breath, I stopped to look at him.

"I'm not very smart. But I know when people are sincere and when they're not. I don't like liars."

Suddenly, he heaved a great sigh.

"What I'm trying to say," he continued. "…Is… You're not one."

When he looked up again, I smiled.

Before turning to leave, I said, "Rest well, Connie."

*O*O*

"COME ON CADETS!" Shadis hollered. "YOU'RE GONNA LET A ONE HUNDRED METER COURSE WIN? PICK UP THE SLACK!"

As I neared the last leg of the obstacle course, I felt my gut churn. Keeping up a good pace, I crossed the punch bag pond for the first time without falling in. Grinning from ear to ear, I joined Marco and Annie in making our way to the back of the line.

"Yes!" I cheered while fist pumping the air.

"You've really improved, Naomi," Marco observed. "You'll do fine in the 3DMG."

"CADETS! 'tend hut!"

Stopping in our tracks, we grunted out our response while saluting.

"You're dismissed for today. Tomorrow, be prepared to go hiking."

I headed back to the girls' barracks to get ready for daily chores. Inside, I found Sasha already fiddling with my guitar, plucking out notes on each individual string. She brightened when she saw me.

I said, "You're really catching on."

"Thanks. It's so different. Is this the only instrument you play?"

"I can play the mandolin, banjo, and flute."

Her eyes widened. "EH?! You know that many instruments?"

"My brother got to learn how to play violin though instead of me. I really wanted to learn."

"Aw. But you know so many instruments. That's got to count for something."

As I switched shirts, I asked, "Isn't your squad on laundry duty?"

"Yeah, I'll get there in a minute."

Heading out the door, I said, "See ya at dinner."

Retrieving my mop and bucket from the supply closet in the Mess Hall, I hurriedly filled it with soapy water. I was getting a late start, and Marco and Annie were already starting without me. Picking up the pace, I was about to make a sharp corner around a building when Jean appeared out of the blue.

I crashed into him, the mop I held in one arm whacking him across the head and my full bucket sloshing onto his pants and boots. On impact, I squeaked in shock.

"What the hell!" he shouted, looking down at his soggy pants. "I just changed too!"

"Sorry Jean. I was in a hurry and didn't see you coming around the corner."

Disgruntled, he shoved the cloth bristles of the mop out of his face and rubbed his head.

"Can I get you anything?" I tried to amend.

"No," Jean grumbled. "Just stay out of my way."

After that, I tried to avoid confronting him whether on purpose or by accident. It was becoming increasingly hard for Marco to remain friends with both of us. Jean refused to be anywhere near me, and Marco was left torn on who to sit with. I hated seeing him so distraught, so I reassured him that he didn't have to sit with me. Meals, Marco sat with Jean. Training, we were together.

The day of the hike, Shadis had us break into our squads and connect a rope to each of us. From there, we started jogging in the forest. He had us climb up cliff and down boulders, five feet of rope between squad members.

We were climbing down a nine meter drop ridge. The first person in each squad navigated their way down the side of the cliff, looking for footholds and handgrips. Certainly, it sloped rather than being a straight drop, but one wrong move and you could go tumbling down the side.

Marco served as our anchor as Annie and I worked our way down. He was the heaviest in our group with me following and Annie being the lightest. She was the first to go down and then me. Suddenly, the rope jerked taut, pulling me up. Then, I felt myself falling.


	7. 104th Trainees Squad: Friendship

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

In the background, Marco screamed my name as I slid down the ridge. I cried out in pain as rocks battered my entire body. Frantically, I searched for something to grab onto. I whimpered in panic as I scrambled for anything. The rumble of loose rocks deafened my ears.

My hands caught a piece of rock jutting out from the ridge, and my feet slammed into another piece of rock. My knee dug into the side of the ridge, the rough edges biting through to my skin. When I checked to see if Annie was alright, I found that I had slid for six feet and that I was practically next to her.

Not a moment later I started hearing a chorus of panicked cadets' voices echoing off the rock face. One cadet continued to hurl down the ridge without great momentum, and by the time he reached the bottom, he was still. The sight fueled the panic sweeping through the cadets.

I saw Krista hanging by her rope, flailing her arms about. The only person who was keeping her from falling to her death was Reiner above her.

"Krista!" Reiner grunted. "Grab onto something!"

"Krista!" Ymir shouted, standing at the top of the cliff.

Ymir leaped off stable ground, her cut safety rope dangling behind her. She slid feet first down the ridge to Krista, found a good foothold and quickly tied her rope to Krista's.

The assistant instructors were moving down the line of cadets, randomly cutting security lines. One squad had two members on the side of the ridge when it was cut, and the closest one to the cut dragged her member down with her to the bottom of the ridge.

There was a lot of yelling coming from the spooked cadets. Shadis stood quietly, observing us from where he stood, knife in one hand. Severing our safety lines on purpose was alarming.

"You okay, Naomi?" Annie asked.

I nodded to her.

"Keep moving!" Shadis and the assistant instructors barked, patrolling the top of the ridge.

I yelled up to Marco, "Should we continue down the side without you?"

"I'll be fine!" he called back. "Just be careful."

Annie and I worked at the same pace as we resumed our descent. Marco made his way cautiously without a safety link. Frequently, I checked on Marco to make sure he wasn't going anywhere that would end badly for him. True to his word, he managed by himself well.

To my right I saw Jean slide several feet, but quickly regained his footing. He was the only one on the ridge when his squad's rope was cut. As he made another move his footing slipped out from under him, and started rolling down the side. He cried out in pain as his back collided with a boulder, continuing to slide without reacting.

I yelled, "Jean!" before lunging for him, inadvertently pulling on the safety line between me and Annie. I managed to grab him but then the three of us were in trouble. Further down, I saw a tree growing out of the side of the rock, and in my fright reached out for a branch. My body jerked as we came to an abrupt stop, Jean clutched close to me. Thankfully, he came to and lifted himself onto the trunk, pulling me up after him. Annie, though battered, found her grip again below us.

She shot me an irritated scowl. "Think before you leap next time!"

"Sorry!" I called out.

Meanwhile, Jean was holding his back tenderly.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, worried.

"I feel like shit right now," he groaned.

Eren was scaling down the cliff past us.

When he was parallel with our tree, he taunted, "Better get a move on, Horse Face. It's not looking to good for your MP dream."

"Shut it!" Jean barked, previous thoughts about his back forgotten.

Before Jean started tearing down the ridge again, I quickly tied his rope to mine.

Without any more major fiascos, the remaining cadets filed into a block at the bottom of the ridge. Dust soiled our pristine white pants, and for some our uniforms had bloodstains. Where my knee dug into the rock, blood was seeping out a little. My limbs were shaking madly as I held my salute.

Nearby, the two cadets who tumbled together were sitting under a tree. The boy who never moved was respectfully covered with an assistant instructor's jacket. If you hadn't seen what had taken place earlier, a passerby might have thought he was taking a nap. Some of the cadets in the block held resentful glares at Shadis. Shadis lumbered along the block, ignoring the stares.

"Cadets," Shadis began. "The use of the Three-Dimensional Maneuver Gear requires more than just strength. You must be able to react at a second's notice to sudden changes. Failing to do so could cost you your life. The ability to think clearly in compromising situations will be what saves you. If you can't respond quickly, you're as good as dead here as you are facing a titan."

Everyone was very much shaken after the exercise, and when we returned to camp, about another five cadets chose to drop out. The ones with serious injuries were automatically sent away.

After everyone was treated for their injuries, we ate dinner and got ready for bed. Dinner was quieter than usual. I figured it was because everyone was psychologically disturbed by the exercise.

After putting up my dishes, I made my way to the girls' barracks. The sound of another pair of feet came up behind me.

"Naomi."

It was Jean. Trying to keep my mind from assuming the worst, I turned around to face him. The sun had already set, but it was light enough for me to make out Jean's features. His light brown eyes revealed his feelings of humiliation and guilt. He fidgeted under my stare.

"I just wanted to say thanks…for today. And apologize for my rude behavior."

"What made you change your mind?"

Jean shifted from one foot to the other, scratching the back of his head. He sighed, "I don't know. You're just different than what I thought."

I explained while looking at the tree tops in the distance, "It's the few gypsy clans who have adapted their ways to stealing. Because of their misdeeds, we all have felt the brute prejudice on our kind."

He shuffled nervously again as he confessed, "I never met a real gypsy before."

I remarked teasingly, "I've never met a guy who is as tactless as he is ambitious."

Jean managed to laugh at my joke. Quietly though, he answered, "I'll have to work on that."

In that moment, we came to a mutual understanding of one another under the night sky. It was then I decided that Jean may not be so bad to have as a friend.


	8. 104th Trainees Squad: Boo

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

Fall hailed in with its bright, fiery colors filling the forest. The reds, oranges, yellows and browns smeared themselves across the dirt in abstract designs. Fall meant cooler weather to train in, and I was very thankful for that. Winter came as a warning with every gust of wind that would scatter the leaves on the ground.

The colors all blended together as I sped past them. I could only see blue sky, speckled with white. My stomach churned with excitement on every flip I made through thin air. Every time I'd launch myself forward, there would be that hair length of a second my stomach would drop in anticipation of crashing into the ground, only to suddenly be jerked forward with the release of gas.

Now I knew what birds felt like. Zipping through the air was freedom from the worldly troubles that plagued our minds. I was cruising along the straight path that we were practicing on when Jean pulled up beside me.

He yelled over the wind, "Enough with the acrobatics! You're using too much gas! You'll run out by the end of the trail."

With a spurt from his motor, he took off ahead of me. Jean leaned into his swing before releasing and firing his wires into the trees ahead of him. I tried to keep up with him, my sense of competition sparking.

True to his word, I barely had enough gas to finish the trail. My wires recoiled after the last drop of gas was used up, and I braced myself for impact upon the dirt floor. The bones in my legs jarred, making me inwardly cringe. I ended up doing a somersault and unceremoniously crash at the Instructor's feet.

"WAY TO GO PETERS! YOU JUST ENTERTAINED A TITAN WITH YOUR SHITTY ACROBATICS AND USED UP ALL YOUR GAS! GIVE ME TWENTY PUSHUPS!"

In front of the group of cadets, I started doing pushups without taking off my gear. My muscles burned with every lift, stiffening in protest to the vigorous abuse. The last cadet finished up the course as I made my twentieth pushup, collapsing on the ground in exhaustion.

Once we were dismissed, I hobbled to my feet and joined Marco and Jean on our way back to the barracks.

"You're being too flashy," Jean criticized. "Quit trying to do flips and corkscrews."

I cheekily grinned at him. "Are you saying that because you're _jealous_?"

"No! It's just, what good does it do in battle? Zero."

Marco said, "But as much as she uses up gas, she's in control and has a good reaction time."

"See Jean? If a Titan was about to reach for me, I'd just corkscrew my way out of its hands."

"Well you'll have to find a way to use less gas to do it, because it's the end if you run out."

Connie came up beside us, checking over his shoulder.

He said in a hushed voice, "You guys wanna join me for the forest campout tonight?"

"What's that?" I asked.

"Since today is Hallows Eve and we have tomorrow off, Krista suggested that we go out into the forest to tell spooky stories."

"I don't know. It sounds like a waste of time," Jean said, locking his hands behind his head coolly.

"Who all is going?" I asked.

Connie answered, "Let's see. Krista, Ymir, myself, Sasha, Eren, Armin, and Mikasa."

Marco pointed out, "But there's a fence around the entire encampment. How are we going to get to the forest?"

"There's a weak spot in the fence by the obstacle course."

"I'm in."

We all turned to look quizzically at Jean. He continued to walk casually beside us.

"But I thought you said it was a waste of time?" Connie asked.

Jean replied, "Well, there's nothing to do here on the property. I might as well join you guys if it means a change of scenery."

I knew he was covering up. The real reason he decided to go the campout was so he could be around Mikasa. Inwardly, I smirked at his infatuation.

"I think it sounds like fun," Marco said. "I'll come too."

"Yeah! Me too!" I said.

"Great!" Connie said. "Now all I have to do is ask Bertolt and Reiner. Meet up by the fence at eleven tonight!"

*O*O*

After I made my bed to look like my sleeping form, I crept out of the barracks with my casual boots in hand. Outside, I put on my shoes before starting off. With a box of matches in my pants pocket and my lantern in one hand, I sneaked towards the obstacle course. It was pitch black out, making it hard to define where the buildings and the forest was. Remembering what it looked like going to the obstacle course, I stepped in the direction I thought was the right way.

The wind whistled through the barren camp, seeping into my clothes. I was glad I layered with two shirts. I dressed in loose slacks so my legs would be able to move easily. One of my scarves I wrapped around my head for protection.

I was holding out my arms in front of me, hoping I wouldn't crash into something when somebody grabbed me. I yelped before being shushed.

"It's okay," Marco whispered. "It's Marco."

I sighed in relief, loosening my grip on Marco's arm. He led me to the fence where we ducked through the crushed wires to meet up with everyone else. Krista stood with her lantern, everyone gathered in the light. As soon as she saw everyone was there, she led the group deeper into the forest.

As we got further away from camp more of us lit our lanterns.

"Boo!"

"Ah!" I jumped.

Jean laughed at my reaction, earning a punch in the arm from me.

"Quit that," I hissed.

Mikasa glanced back at us, and Jean quickly shut down. He started opening and closing his mouth like a fish without water as she gave him an unintelligible look.

She said, "There's nothing to be afraid of, Naomi—especially Jean's poor stealth."

I snickered as Jean turned beet red while Mikasa returned forward.

"Where's Annie?" I asked Reiner.

He replied, "She didn't want to come. She would rather sleep than enjoy a good scary story."

"I heard that a cadet once disappeared in the forest and was never seen again," Connie said.

"Don't start the stories yet!" Armin pleaded.

Connie laughed darkly, sending Armin into a mini panic attack.

Krista stopped when we got to our ghost watching point. Setting our lanterns down in a cluster, we sat around the light. I sat between Marco and Bertolt.

"Okay! Who's got a good story?" Krista asked everybody.

"_It was a dark and windy night,_" Sasha began darkly. "_A young girl was out in the woods, having gotten lost on her way back to her village from another. Everyone knew that once it became nighttime, the forest was inhabited by strange creatures. And still, the girl walked through the forest. _

_The howls of wolves spooked her, and she started running down the path. Still, the howls were getting closer. In her attempt to get away from the wolves, she left the main path and stumbled upon an old abandoned cabin. Looking around, she found no one. But behind the house, there was a tombstone. Trying to see what it read, she stepped closer. As she investigated the tombstone, a shadow slowly descended upon her. When she turned around—crunch._"

Armin and Krista flinched, watching as Sasha made a chomping motion with her hands.

"_And when the people of her village went looking for her, all they found was a shoe._"

The woods were silent except for the breeze that wove its way between the trunks of the trees. After the story ended, we all clapped in approval.

Once the applause subsided, I said, _"Once, there were two boys. They were best friends and did everything together since they were little. Their names were Auli and Cassian. _

"_Their gypsy clan lived next to a marsh. They were told by their clan never to venture into the marsh, for it held evil spirits. And if it was ever necessary to walk in the marsh, carry a snake plant with you. It would ward off bewitchments and spells. _

_Auli didn't heed the warnings, and one night, disappeared into the marsh. Cassian, worried for his friend, went after him with a snake plant tucked securely under an arm. Not too far into the marsh, a skeleton with mud caked on his decaying flesh jumped out to stand in the way._

" '_Dear Cassian, if you tell me your secret name, I'll give you back Auli.' The marsh creature said._

_Cassian refused, and that was when his friend appeared to torture Cassian's secret name out of him. Auli had been bewitched by the marsh creature, and with an axe in one hand, severed his friend's hand. Cassian lost the snake plant, and eventually gave up his secret name. After that, the marsh creature bewitched Cassian, and to this day, the two friends have remained in the marsh, ready to pounce on another unfortunate soul."_

Everyone clapped politely after my story.

"What's the thing about secret names?" Eren asked.

I explained, "The gypsies believe names are powerful. Knowing someone's real name gives you power over them. Because of our belief on the sacredness of names, we do not share our real names with outsiders. My clan practices this belief, but several other clans have abandoned this old tradition."

"I guess you have a secret name then," Ymir said.

I nodded. Just then there was a huge crash. From above, something dropped and dangled above the lanterns, a hideous face full of hair and wide eyes meeting our startled expressions. The creature shrieked a wild call, and we all scampered into the woods.


	9. 104th Trainees Squad: Identity

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

I had no idea where I was going. All I wanted to do was put as much distance between me and the creature. The forest became a dark pit to navigate through. Unable to see the ground, I tripped over roots and sticks until someone grabbed me and yanked me into a bush.

"Sh! It's Bertolt."

"Bertolt?" I exclaimed, which I was quickly hushed.

He sat crouched, looking back where we'd left our lanterns. I was flat on my back beside him, and flipped myself to get a better view of what he was looking at.

The creature danced around our lanterns in an ungraceful manner, shaking its fists and readjusting its shawl that draped its hunched form. Grumbling, it shook its long mane and poked around our stuff.

Bertolt asked, "What _is_ that thing? I've never seen it before."

"Beats me," I answered. "Where is everybody else?"

"Hiding nearby. What are we going to do about that thing?"

There was a loud grunt, and the figure by the fire froze at the noise. In that instant, the creature retreated back into the treetops as a group of wild boars stampeded into the area. Everyone jumped out of their hiding spots and started running.

As Bertolt and I ran in a different direction than everybody else, I heard Jean yell, "Damn pig!" as a boar chased after him.

There were only three that entered the area, and luckily none of them chased after me and Bertolt. Despite that, we continued to run. Bertolt's long legs propelled him ahead of me, and I desperately pumped my legs harder to shorten the distance.

He stopped abruptly, regaining his balance before turning around to look for me.

"The ground drops off h—"

_Wham!_

I didn't have enough time slow up, and we both went flying off the edge. Below, which was thankfully not too far down, there were a bunch of bushes and shrubs growing, and the two of us landed in them. He grunted as I knocked the air out of him, landing sprawled out among leaves and tough branches.

We had landed squarely in a large bush, carving out a little nest in its deep foliage.

"Ouch," Bertolt groaned underneath me.

"Are you okay?"

"For the most part."

I pushed myself to sit upright, and Bertolt jolted.

"Wait, don't do that!"

"Why?"

As soon as the words left my mouth, I became aware that I was straddling Bertolt's hips. My feet dangled just above the dirt, high enough that I couldn't stand up. I was glad it wasn't light enough to see each other clearly because I would have felt even more embarrassed. He had grabbed onto my forearm to halt my movements, and suddenly released it bashfully as if he'd touched my body inappropriately.

His chest rose and fell under my hands, heavy as his lungs pushed against my weight. The hand that pulled away was clammy with perspiration. I was stone still, afraid to move and accidentally brush up against Bertolt again. The fact I was in such a provocative position with the opposite sex was daunting as it was thrilling.

"S-so," I stuttered. "How are we going to get out of here?"

"Well… Could you m-m-maybe stand up f-first."

"I can't. My feet won't touch the ground in this position. This limb here is trapping my leg against you."

After a moment of awkward silence, Bertolt replied, "That's a little problematic."

Faintly the sound of footsteps approaching caught our attention, and we called out to the person. The person to part the twigs of the bush was none other than Jean.

He gave us a mortified look before playfully saying, "Wow, getting it on in the bushes. I didn't know you had it in you, Bertolt."

"Just help us out, Kirschtein," I snapped, my face hot.

After Jean got me out, Bertolt stood up to his full height. His shoulders sagged slightly, and he refused to look at me. I didn't want to look at him either. Once I was free of the bush, I realized Jean was only wearing his underwear.

"What happened to your pants?" I asked, slightly surprised Jean didn't seem to mind.

"Probably a new accessory for a boar." His lip curled into a haughty smile. "You like what you see?"

Bertolt turned away from us entirely, clearing his throat. I stuttered out an incomprehensible response, unsure how to answer. It just made Jean's smile widen. Making our way back to camp, Jean stood between me and Bertolt. The walk back was silent as we all tried to forget what happened earlier.

By the time we arrived back at the lanterns, most everybody was there. The creature that had spooked us earlier sat in front of Mikasa with a similar dressed companion beside it. She held them down by just their scalps. Reiner came back holding a smaller version of the other two by the leg.

When the masks were torn off, we were met with young gypsy boys. There was one with grey eyes and had a large beauty mark on his right cheek. His wavy dark brown hair kicked up out of his face from his cow-lick on the left side of his forehead. A skinnier boy next to him, but close in age had similar dark hair and texture but his eyes were hazel. And the youngest, with short cropped hair and eyes as black as night, looked up cheerfully at us. He smiled as if he's known my friends for ages.

"Who the hell are these twerps?" Ymir questioned.

I sighed heavily, stepping forward to pinch each of the boys' ears.

"These are my kid brothers," I explained. "The one with the beauty mark is Soini, and the other is Niven. They're one year apart with Soini being the older. And then Harlan is our baby brother."

"You could have killed us with your little trick!" Connie exclaimed.

Niven said, "The boars weren't part of the prank. I accidently stepped into a sleeping ground and that's why they came by."

"Happy to see us, sis?" Soini changed the subject, holding out his arms for me.

I smacked him on the forehead and replied, "I'd be happier if it wasn't on these terms."

"Come on!" Soini whined. "It's Hallows Eve. I thought it was a great idea to get into the spirit of the holiday."

"Where's Ellie and Desmond? Were they in on it too?"

Niven declared, "Ellie's caught a cold and Dezzy went to sleep with his whiskey again."

I grumbled, "Just like Dezzy to get drunk."

"Naomi," Armin spoke. "Why are your brothers here in the forest?"

Harlan responded merrily, "To watch big sis!"

"They're here to watch me. My father has it in his head that I need to be monitored."

Mikasa's grip on Soini and Niven tightened when she noticed they were trying to escape. Harlan sat beside them and watched with great interest the conversation above him.

Most of my friends regarded them with annoyance and overall displeasure. I couldn't say that I was very happy either.

Krista commented, "What cute brothers you have!"

Niven and Soini's chests puffed out in pride at her remark.

"They aren't supposed to be here," Eren said.

"I know, but I can't tell them what to do."

Soini snickered. "Hey mister. You lost your pants."

"I know that!" Jean said irritably. "You runts were the cause of it!"

The various conversations simultaneously going soon turned into a big group argument that made no sense. Subjects spanning from food to underwear swam around me in a mess as Sasha's voice overlapped Jean's blunt reprimands. My voice was quickly swallowed up in the raucous and finally I had to put my foot down.

"Okay! We aren't getting anywhere," I shouted over everybody, quieting them down. "Soini, Nivan, Harlan? Just go to bed and stay out of trouble. The last thing I want is our drill instructor tromping out here to hunt you guys down."

Niven gathered up Harlan and they started for the forest. Soini had the cleverly designed masks piled in his arms and did as I said.

He scoffed, "Sis, we're _gypsies_. We aren't scared of nobody, especially not an old fart."

And with that, my brothers departed.


	10. 104th Trainees Squad: Blizzard

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

My favorite unit that we did was horseback riding. In Grastari's history, we had been horse traders. We knew the language of the horse. I never learned the secret to horses because I was just a baby when my clan was raided.

Before I could walk, there was a terrible food shortage, and the village near the Grastari encampment stole what they could from the gypsies. In the process, my clan was slaughtered overnight.

Mama told me my rightful mother carried me by horseback all the way to the Sindhi clan, bleeding to death. Just as Mama brought her into her caravan, my rightful mother left the world of the living. And then with the disease spreading around several years back from all the dead bodies the Titans left behind, my Mama was taken too.

The series of events that had occurred since the fall of Wall Maria had affected the gypsy clans significantly. Our numbers were quickly decreasing with the limited land we could roam. The operation to take back Wall Maria wiped out several of our clans, destroying an entire way of life. Ordinary peasants, farmers, and gypsies were sacrificed to lessen the burden of food shortages on the rest of the population.

That's why I didn't believe in the earth energy. If it were real, our numbers wouldn't have dwindled so easily.

Because our group is the least important than anybody, the military made a point to try and get rid of us first. The remaining clans fled into hiding or completely adapted their ways to assimilate into society. Adopting a settled lifestyle of merchant or artisan work prevented some clans from forced expulsion. As long as society found no threat in us, the surviving clans were tolerated.

My adopted family, who belonged to the Sindhi clan, originally practiced the art of song and dance. Our clan's profession of dancing and singing in the streets changed to party entertainment for the upper class citizens. Between event bookings, one of the older clan members worked the herbal stall in the market place while the youth of our clan would dance and sing in the streets for money. It was unnecessary due to the income of the party entertaining, but the elders insisted to hold onto what little tradition we had left.

I wondered sometimes if the Grastari roots in me continued to sing even when the Sindhi suppressed so much of it. It never became apparent until I started horseback riding.

There was something about horseback riding that made my heart race. The way the horse would move, its muscles flowing underneath its skin was beautiful. It was a similar feeling as when I'd manipulate the 3DMG, except it was being able to share that exhilaration with another being.

By the time we were halfway through the horseback riding training, I could ride bareback and perform tricks on the horse's back while in motion. During my spare time, I would bond with the horse I was assigned. Together, I learned to ride backward on her back, which soon turned to bareback, and then finally standing as she walked around the enclosure.

My horse could run faster than any other person's horse. It didn't matter if I switched horses—mine was always the fastest one. Krista once asked me how I did it.

I replied, "Can't you hear the horse's voice? He speaks to you."

I was in the stables one day, brushing my horse. Because our base camp didn't have its own stables, we all packed for a week's stay at a ranch for the horseback riding training. She had a copper coat with a light brown mane. When I'd speak to her, she'd turn her head as if she found it interesting and nuzzle my arm.

"I may not be the greatest at the 3DMG, but I think I'll make it into the top ten," I confessed to her. "I wish that horseback riding skills were part of grading."

Mulberry nickered in response.

"I think my best attribute in 3DMG is my agility. Unlike most cadets, I have less weight to swing around. But at the same time, I don't have the same momentum."

"And you're still using way too much gas," Jean broke in.

He was leaning against the stable doors watching me.

"You just have to manipulate inertia to produce the speed you want with gas as your support."

"What are you doing here Jean?"

He approached his horse which was across the way from mine.

"I have to get my horse cleaned up before the ranch instructor does stable inspection."

I heard him pick up the brush and start brushing his mare. She whinnied and stomped her feet nervously, earning a growl of exasperation from Jean. I stepped over to him and grabbed the arm that was holding the brush.

I said, "She doesn't like that, whatever you're doing."

"But I have to brush her."

Gently, I pulled her face towards mine, letting her long face touch my cheek. Jean watched me curiously as I made soothing sounds. After a while, he diverted his attention elsewhere, my private moment with his horse becoming overwhelming for him.

I said, "She has sensitive shoulder blades. She wants you to avoid brushing hard there."

"How do you know that?"

"She told me," I answered wryly. "Can't you hear her speaking?"

He paused, straining to find noise in the air. "No."

Jean started brushing her again, and his mare became agitated again.

"No," I chided. "She wants the brush to feel like a massage."

I put my hand on top of Jean's, and guided his movements. His had felt warm and strong underneath my fingers. Jean allowed me to move the brush how I thought the mare wanted. The mare settled down and made an occasional snort of approval. The bristles made long, mild sweeps across her side and over her back.

While we brushed his horse together, he gave me a fond look I'd never seen before. In the dim light, I realized how his eyes had flecks of yellow. His shirt smelled of the woods and masculinity. In the back of my mind, it registered that we were very close.

When Jean looked away to focus on brushing his mare, it felt like I was rudely awakened from a pleasant dream. I became conscious that my hand still held his, and I recoiled.

"Looks like she's calmed down," I commented, moving away.

He muttered agreement, and I returned to Mulberry's stall to finish brushing her. My mind was replaying everything that happened. Jean's warm hand. Jean's eyes. Jean's lips. We could have kissed. It sent a shock of excitement through my body, thinking about what it'd be like to kiss Jean—feeling his mouth work against mine in an intimate, borderline scandalous manner. Just visualizing it made my cheeks redden.

But then I remembered he liked Mikasa. Just the thought of that fact brought me back down from cloud nine, and produced doubt in my feelings. I just got caught up in the moment. He was probably admiring my affinity with horses than thinking about kissing me.

Though it stung, I wasn't going to let my personal feelings undermine our friendship. Even if he didn't like me, he was still a wonderful friend. I could be happy with him as just as a companion.

I bid him goodbye, walking out of the stables.

Jean called out, "Hey Naomi."

"Hm?"

"Maybe sometime… I can help you out with your 3DMG." When I didn't answer right away he quickly added, "'Cause that stuff is real important to know."

I grinned back at him. "Sure. I'd like that."

Spring raced by and before I realized what happened, it was winter of my second year in military training. I never heard a peep out of my brothers, but the occasional note left on my cot and sporadic thieving from the food pantry in the camp reminded me of their presence.

The drill staff would scratch their heads, recounting the stock whenever they found an odd number amongst the goods. It occurred so infrequently that the cook would blow it off as a supplier's error.

For the entire winter, we packed for a mountain camp. The buildings were more equipped for cold weather with heaters installed in every building. That winter was particularly cold. To prepare us for our big assessment the following year, we were herded out into the cold to do drills. Daylight would light up from behind the grey clouds, a faint indicator of the time of day.

Snow fell constantly. At first, it would come down in soft tufts like cotton, and then it became a steady beating of snowflakes. Weeks later, it was a complete whiteout. It became so bad that drills ceased. We had to connect buildings with rope so no one would get lost in the howls of the wind and snow.

In the main lodge, the hearth roared with hearty flames. All the cadets were having dinner. Sitting at one long table, all my fellow cadet friends were making merry. The turbulent wind outside shook the eaves faintly as we chattered and laughed.

Reiner was busy trying to best Ymir at arm wrestling while Eren judged. Armin, Bertolt, and Marco were busy discussing classes and hardly noticed Sasha stealing crumbs from their plates. Connie and Jean were caught up in some debate that soon became heated. All conversations momentarily paused with the slam of limbs against the table at Ymir's crow of pride, and quickly resumed in no time with Reiner demanding a round two.

I sat beside Mikasa, relishing in the warmth of companionship I saw among us. Krista, Mikasa, Annie and I were discussing fashion and beauty secrets, but I mostly watched everybody interacting. Annie didn't seem very interested in fashion either and contented herself with people watching a well.

"Cadets!" the cook hollered. "Instructor Shadis warns to stay in the barracks for the night and not come out unless it's necessary. Right now, the blizzard has let up, but we expect it to get worse as the night wears on. Now's the chance to return to your barracks."

Many of the cadets chose to end their dinnertime after he said that. Soon, it became just the thirteen of us and a few other cadets I didn't know very well.

"If you use a cube of ice on the skin under your eyes in the morning, I heard it reduces puffiness," Krista said.

"Really? I didn't know that." Mikasa answered.

"We probably should start heading out," Annie suggested. "It looks like the blizzard is picking up again."

No one at the table seemed to have heard her. Annie's voice was pretty monotone, and it didn't carry very far, so I wasn't surprised anyone heard her over Reiner and Ymir's grunting. Seeing no one responding to her, she got up and was going to put her dishes away.

I said, "Wait for me, Annie. I think I want to hit the sack as well."

After I'd put my dirty dishes away, we made our way to the door, pulling our fur-lined hoods over our heads and zipping up our parkas. A loud thump echoed through the hall, coming from the back door.

We all stopped, puzzled at who could be knocking. A cadet closest to the door strode to open it. Like a hungry beast, the wind gushed through the crack in the door, extinguishing the heat waves emitting from the fire.

Over the howling of the wind I heard Dezzy's voice plead, "Help us."


	11. 104th Trainees Squad: Entertain

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

Soini, Niven, and Harlan came prancing in, full of energy as if they'd just woken up. Ellie came trudging in after them pulling on a sled that barely fit through the door, his glasses frosted over. Dezzy shook the snow off of his form like a wild animal, sending melting ice all over nearby cadets. He sighed in contentment as he heated his hands by the fire, the herd of gypsy brothers following their older brother's example. The door closed with a slam, and the room was left with a chill.

Over my shoulder, I heard some of the cadets whispering, staring the new guests in the room. Concerned that something happened to cause Dezzy to seek refuge, I approached him.

"What happened? Is everything alright?"

He beamed at me. "Yep. Everything's peachy."

Soini and Niven were snickering as they tried lighting one of their shirts on fire, quickly snuffing it out as soon as it caught. Ellie smacked both of them over the head and started reprimanding them.

"No one's hurt?" I asked, starting to become annoyed.

"Nope," he replied with a pop, shrugging off his heavy animal skin coat and throwing it over to where their sled was.

He settled himself down beside a covered box on the sled as if he were going to take a nap just then. I followed him and stood over his lithe body.

Without masking my utter displeasure, I questioned, "Then why are you here?"

"I consulted the Oracle bones, and it predicted that this blizzard was going to be the worst. Being the responsible adult I am, I made the call to bring them here for the night, and then leave in the morning."

Ellie broke in with, "Uh, I actually read the Oracle bones and suggested we seek sturdy shelter. Not him. This blizzard will only last a day, and then we'll be on our way."

Trying to cover up his faux pas, Dezzy added, "The bad blizzard should be picking up right about now."

On cue, the lodge vibrated with the force of the wind swirling around outside. It was enough to take everyone by surprise.

Annie noted, "Well, it looks like we missed our chance to return to the barracks."

Dezzy caught a glimpse of her, and his eyes widened in awe. He scrambled to his feet and nudged me none too gently in the ribs. I grunted in protest.

"Why don't you introduce me to your friends?"

Almost sullenly, I lead Dezzy to my table of friends. Annie was the first one we met. He scratched his head nervously, trying to look presentable before he spoke.

"Hey Annie," I greeted. "This is my older brother Desmond. Desmond, this is my friend Annie."

By the look on his face, he was going to say something witty. He leaned down on the table next to Annie, which brought her briefly out of her stoic mask.

But then it returned and she interposed, "I don't date," before moving to sit next to Bertolt and Reiner.

Dezzy deflated slightly, but then quickly bounced back into his goofy mannerisms again.

I called out, "Everybody! This is my older brother Desmond."

Everyone chanted, "Hi Desmond."

"These are my friends. That's Mikasa, Eren, Armin, Marco, Jean, Connie, Reiner, Bertolt, Ymir, Krista, and Sasha."

Dezzy waved in greeting. "Wow. You're popular."

Pointing over my shoulder to Ellie, who had settled down with a book, I included, "And that's Elliot."

"Don't call me that," he corrected.

"But he prefers Ellie."

"Hi." Ellie droned, not bothering to look up from his book.

"You know what? This party could use some entertainment," Dezzy noted.

Krista exclaimed excitedly, "Entertainment? It's been a while since I've gone to a play."

I was about to argue with him, however he was already digging through their supplies by the time I objected.

"No, Dezzy. No music tonight," I reproached.

"Quit your nagging!" he hollered back, throwing various clothing items in Ellie's lap.

Ellie clenched his book, perturbation written on his face as Dezzy rattled above him. Heaving a great sigh, he set his book down and picked up the clothing to pull over his own clothes. I glanced over Dezzy's shoulder to see the contents of the box.

I barked, "You brought costumes!?"

"Yeah," he answered matter-of-factly. "You never know when a theater gig opportunity pops up. Now put this on. We're going to do Red Riding Hood."

I scowled at him, but put on the tattered red cloak on anyway.

"You're living in the woods—who is there who wants to see Red Riding Hood anyway," I grumbled.

Once my brothers and I were ready, Dezzy rounded up his audience. My friends chattered excitedly as they moved tables and benches around so that there were several rows in front of the fireplace. I caught Jean casting me an interested look before sitting down and engaging with Marco.

Using his performance voice, Dezzy cajoled, "Come one! Come all! Sindhi Caravan brings you a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood. However! This tale is one that you'll least expect. Playing our heroine is Naomi Peters!"

I bowed to the hoots and hollers of encouragement, mostly coming from Reiner.

"Way to go Little Mouse!" he praised, bumping Bertolt's shoulder. "That's my friend up there."

Bertolt laugh quietly at Reiner's silliness.

"Harlan Peters as the wolf!"

Harlan received a wall of giggles and cute noises. He beamed up at the audience, the headband with fuzzy ears attached to it secure behind his ears.

Dezzy pointed to Ellie, "And Elliot Peters as our frail and dainty Granny."

Ellie bit back his response to Dezzy's introduction, tartly staring out into the audience in a worn nightgown. He shoved his glasses up the bridge of his nose in distaste. It made the audience laugh even more.

"The huntsman will be played by Soini and Niven Peters."

Soini and Niven bowed politely to their applause.

"Now, our story begins with Little Red traveling through the woods to her grandmother's house…"

As I went through the routine that was ingrained in my very being, I forgot where I was for a moment. I was back in my element. Although we hadn't practice the Red Riding Hood skit together in such a long time, we still made it a success. It was very easy to bounce off of each other and make it exciting for the audience. I was no longer Naomi. I was Little Red Riding Hood.

Every time I heard another wave of laughter, or sympathy noises, it was like a pleasant shower of rain. I felt myself stand a little taller with each clap. Before I knew it, I was closing with the curtain call, and receiving a standing ovation. My grin spread from ear to ear. I didn't realize until I performed Red Riding Hood that my heart was lonely for the stage.

Right after taking our bows, Dezzy, Ellie, Harlan and I rushed to put the costumes away and get ready for the musical portion while Soini and Niven covered the transition. They were performing their balancing act as Dezzy handed out the instruments to us.

"I'll take the banjo," he whispered. "Here's your violin Ellie."

Ellie muttered a thank you and hastened to tune it. Harlan went to grab for the drums, but Dezzy stopped him.

"Not this time, Harlan. Why don't you go into the audience?"

Harlan gave Dezzy a crestfallen look, but obediently shuffled into the audience. Dezzy handed the wrapped assortment of flutes to me so I could hand them to Niven after their balancing act. He then held out a guitar for me. With his banjo slung on his back, he grabbed the drums from the crate.

He spoke, "What song are we going to open with?"

Ellie suggested, "The Three Ravens."

I answered, "That's too slow. We need to start with something fast. How about Reilly's Daughter?"

Dezzy automatically declared, "Let's do it."

Ellie huffed indignantly, "She always gets her picks."

"Fine. You can call the next song. Happy?"

"Somewhat."

Soini and Niven drank in the applause at the conclusion of their act. As my brothers were reassigning instruments, I introduced the song.

"Hi everybody!" I saluted.

I was met with several excited hollers of approval.

"I hope you guys got your dancing shoes, because this song will get you up off your feet. It's called Reilly's Daughter."

I sat down in front of my brothers, ready for the song to begin. Niven stood next to Soini who took my place with the guitar. Dezzy gave us four taps of his foot and the song began.

_*__As I was sitting by the fire_

_Talking to old Reilly's daughter_

_Suddenly a thought came into my head_

_I'd like to marry old Reilly's daughter_

Niven approached me, and we started dancing, swinging each other by the arms.

_Giddy I Ay, Giddy I Ay, Giddy I Ay_

_For the one eyed Reilly,_

_Giddy I Ay, (clap, clap, clap)_

_Play it on your big brass drum._

After the chorus, we branched off to find people to dance with us. Niven swept up Krista and had her hopping all over the place. I scooped up Armin and paraded around with him. We rotated in a circle linked by our arms before changing directions suddenly. At every chorus, the dance required the girls to switch partners, and so Niven pushed Krista into Armin and the dance repeated.

_Giddy I Ay, Giddy I Ay, Giddy I Ay__  
__For the one eyed Reilly,__  
__Giddy I Ay, (clap, clap, clap)__  
__Play it on your big brass drum._

A few of the other cadets in the room were familiar with this song, and so the dancing group quickly grew. When we clapped three times, we would stop momentarily before resuming. Those who weren't dancing clapped to the beat. Harlan grinned from ear to ear as he switched partners. Because he was so short, the girls he danced with had to bend down to hold his hand.

Ellie's young tenor voice took over the next verses.

_Her hair was black and her eyes were blue_

_The colonel and the major and the captain sought her_

_The sergeant and the private and the drummer boy, too_

_But they never had a chance with O'Reilly's daughter._

…

_Giddy I Ay, Giddy I Ay, Giddy I Ay__  
__For the one eyed Reilly,__  
__Giddy I Ay, (clap, clap, clap)__  
__Play it on your big brass drum._

Flashes of my friends' jovial faces darted through the crowd. I had lost track of how many dance partners I'd danced with, too caught up in the moment. The winter storm outside was long forgotten as we made merry indoors, surrounded by laughter and music.

* * *

* _A shortened version of a bawdy Irish folksong commonly sung in pubs, Reilly's Daughter_


	12. 104th Trainees Squad: Fakeout

**I do not own Atta****ck on Titan**

* * *

By morning, the storm had relinquished its hold on the camp. My brothers were gone by the time everyone rose for chores. The wild night became only a ghost of a memory for us who stayed there the night of the blizzard, a fleeting reminder of the old days that was devoid of hunger and fear of the Titans.

In the wee hours of the morning, Dezzy woke me up from my sleep in the main lodge. While our brothers slumbered, we caught up on each other's lives. The blizzard outside had let up close to midnight, and all the cadets retired to the barracks. It was just me and my brothers in the lodge.

"Have you heard from Papa?" I asked.

Dezzy shook his head no. "He was quite fiery when we left, still going around to the other clan members and boasting how his daughter was going to be in the Military Police. I'm sure he hasn't relented yet."

I smiled fondly. "Why didn't he send only you?"

"You know Papa. He's getting old. It was going to be just Ellie and me because Papa didn't trust me to stay focused by myself. But then he thought it'd be a good idea to get his other sons exposed to the world and insisted that Soini, Niven and Harlan come along. And when Papa makes up his mind about something, no matter how harebrained it is," we said in unison, "_Listen to Papa_."

This produced a quiet giggle from both of us. Dezzy kept glancing out at the storm outside. The wind was still blowing around the mounds of snow, but you could see the other buildings in the camp—barely.

He had settled himself to lean against the table, head balanced on his hand as he engaged in conversation. Even though it was warm in the room, he had his animal skin parka on. The fluffy coat gave him a weather-beaten look.

"When do you plan on returning to Karanese?"

"After the snow melts next winter." Dezzy cleared his throat and began in a brotherly voice, "What's the situation with your male friends?"

I groaned, "Dezzy, relax. They're not suitors."

"Okay, okay," he appeased. "I just wanted to make sure I didn't have to have a word with them in Papa's place. What about that horse kid?"

"You mean Jean?"

"Yeah. Do you like him?"

I felt my face flush. "N-no!"

"Stop lying. I saw you looking at him a lot tonight. How bad is it?"

I sighed in defeat. "It's more than a crush. It's kinda become a deep infatuation."

With a coy grin, Dezzy confided, "I saw him looking at you a lot tonight too."

I let out a soft laugh, casting my gaze to the embers of the fire. "He's in love with another girl."

It was Dezzy turn to laugh. "That horse was sure enchanted by your performances. He had this stupid expression on his face like he met the goddess Aphrodite herself for the first time. It was during your *Danny Boy solo, I saw it."

"That doesn't mean anything. Maybe he liked the song a lot."

Dezzy gave me a skeptical look. "All I can say is you had his attention for about ninety percent of the time. You sure I don't need to have a talk with him?"

I adamantly told him no.

"He's a little of the bad boy type, isn't he? Papa doesn't like the bad boys."

"He certainly can come off that way, but Jean's really a good person on the inside."

"Won't judge you or your taste in men, sis. Just remember what you're here for," Dezzy reminded.

"I know. I need to get into the Military Police."

"Speaking of the Military Police, did you see Ellie and that other kid talking tonight? What's his name, the one with the dark hair and green eyes."

"Oh, that's Eren. Yeah I saw them. Ellie seemed very interested in what Eren had to say."

"I think Eren is his new hero. Ellie told me before he went to bed that he was going to enlist next year."

I commented, "He'll be good enough to get into the Military Police for sure."

Their departure came too quickly as the sky brightened. Dezzy stirred them awake and they quickly prepared for the cold. After each of my brothers kissed me on the cheek, they slipped into the snow and vanished.

Dezzy and my brothers never came back for the rest of my training, making me realize how special that night was. It could only be described as magical with Ellie's fingers dancing over the strings of his violin, Harlan cuddled up on Mikasa's lap, Dezzy's rambunctious voice, and the smiles on everyone's faces. A moment like that is a lifetime memory, and in times when I was surrounded by pain, I'd revisit the lodge in my dreams.

*O*O*

"Okay, who wants to be the dummy?" I asked.

Eren replied, "I'll be."

Eren and I were partnered up to do a project for one of our academic classes. We were supposed to demonstrate CPR. We sat in a corner of the classroom, textbook in hand as our guide. Around us, other cadets were preparing their demonstrations.

I read, "_Tilt the person's chin up to open the airway. Pinching their nose between your fingers, give them two rescue breaths_—"

"Wait," Eren interrupted. "You're not going to actually do the rescue breaths, are you?"

I gave him a miffed look. "Heck no. I'll just pretend to do them."

"I don't really see the point in this. How likely would someone injured by a titan need CPR?"

"Even if it's unnecessary in a situation like that, it's still good to know for other emergencies," I said.

Jean was sitting in front of us when we were talking.

He turned around with a smug look on his face and declared, "Numbskulls who are planning on becoming titan food say things like that because they're not good enough. Someone like me, who's going into the Military Police, will automatically be better."

"Well, at least I don't walk around like I've got a rod up my ass," Eren hissed. "I'd rather be dumb and useful than a lazy bastard."

The friction started heating up between the two. Jean's face steeled with his pride, common sense draining out of him like a leaky faucet. Eren was rapidly approaching that point. I felt like I was sitting between two sticks of dynamite, both of them ready to blow up.

"Guys," I murmured. "Let's drop it and get back to work."

Jean volcanic personality seemed to dissipate, and he returned to his own project. Returning to the task at hand, Eren lay on top of a row of desks, and I talked both of us through the steps of our demonstration. It was when I bent down to mimic the rescue breaths that we were interrupted again.

"YOU FREAKIN' DISGUST ME JAEGER!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Eren sat up unexpectedly in his ire, knocking heads with me.

I hissed in pain as the boys were going at it again.

"Gentlemen," the instructor interrupted. "Is there a problem?"

Gritting his teeth, Eren replied, "No, sir."

"Then let's start with our first demonstration."

When Eren and I went through our demonstration, Jean glared daggers from his seat. I was pretty sure he didn't catch any of the information we presented to the class. It was one thing to watch the two fight, but being stuck in the crossfire was terrifying. The squabble shook me up for the rest of the day.

By lunch time, Jean seemed to have mellowed out somewhat. Connie, Marco, Jean and I sat at a table munching away at our bread and slippery soup, talking about anything but the morning.

"Hey, remember the bet we made at the beginning of training?" Connie reminisced.

Jean cackled a little too loudly, "Oh yeah! Whoever mastered the 3DMG gear wouldn't have to skinny dip in the nearby lake. I think we can all come to an agreement that I won that."

The tone in his voice grated on me, but I bit back a snide remark.

"I don't know," Marco started. "Naomi has really gotten your inertia technique down, coupling it with her quick utilization of her surroundings."

Connie piped up, "Yeah! Like the other day, you totally nailed that target before me. How did you do that?"

I explained, "You were going to get to the target before me, so I shot my wires into a tree, and used a branch as a catapult. But the move was so uncontrollable that I made a sloppy cut."

"Naomi can do a bunch of tricks in the air too, so I'd consider her a very well trained 3DMG user," Marco added.

Jean countered, "You have to rate the skill on how useful it is in battle. I don't think flips and twirls are incredibly valuable. Speed and control are."

Marco paused in thought. "That's true… Very well, I think you'd place first in this group with Naomi a close second."

Connie gave a deflated cry of defeat while Jean fist pumped the air, catching the attention of others around us. They gave him a petulant look at his egotistic display and returned to their food.

I sighed, "I guess we're going skinny-dipping tonight."

After lunch, we went to do combat training. I wouldn't say that I was very good though. I couldn't throw a punch to save my life. The only thing I was good at was dodging.

Reiner swung a hook at me and I slinked underneath his wide punch.

He growled, "Gee Little Mouse! When are you going to hit me?"

I was dancing around underneath his huge form, avoiding his assaults. He was like a lumbering bear, swatting at me like I was a fly. After some time of not getting anywhere, he went directly for me, arms stretched out, and I quickly slid out from under him and caught his leg. Reiner went tumbling to the ground with a loud grunt.

Annie clapped dryly behind me. She had been watching me while aimlessly walking around the combat grounds.

She walked up to me and said, "Not bad. There's a more effective way to take a guy like Reiner down quicker."

"Really?"

Reiner was getting up and dusting himself off as Annie eyed him.

"I'll show you," she answered before speeding towards him.

He saw her approaching him and panicked, "W-wait Annie, I'm not—"

In a split second, she had him on his back. My mind was still trying to catch up with the series of movements she implemented. Disinterested in what had just happened, she returned to where I stood. Grabbing my wrists, she held them up in front of my face. Her cold eyes looked straight at me, sending me into discomfort at how jaded they were.

"It's all about speed and tricking them into thinking you're doing something else."

I nodded in understanding. Suddenly, she shoved me in the direction of Jean, who was sparring with Marco.

She hissed in my ear, "Take him down."

Hesitantly, I stepped in his direction. Reiner and Annie looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to make my move. I had no idea how Annie got Reiner on his back, and I didn't know where to start.

_It's all about speed and tricking them_. With Jean's back turned to me, I planned my attack. I was going to throw a fake punch at his face and at the same time, use the momentum of my run to trip him with my feet.

Crouching low to the ground, I took off running. Marco stopped to gape at my approach, causing Jean to halt and turn around. He barely managed to block my punch, a look of utter bewilderment on his face.

"What the he—"

I got my leg tangled up and instead, rammed into him, sending both of us to the ground. My elbow jammed into his stomach as we landed with a thud. Woozy, I stood up unsteadily as Reiner burst out laughing. Annie couldn't help but grin at me slightly while Jean was trying to recover.

"That's one way to do it," Annie remarked.

I beamed at her approval. The rest of the day, she helped me out on my combat skills.

* * *

*_an old Irish folksong_


	13. 104th Trainees Squad: Words

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

It was a full moon that night. In a line, we filed down to the lake's edge. Our lanterns lit the path down to the sandy shore, bringing the dark shadows to light. To make sure we kept to our word, Jean followed us, a smug look on his face the whole time. I started to grow tired of his self-centered behavior.

"Okay. Here we are," Jean announced happily, lantern illuminating his haughty attitude. "Better make it quick. I heard that it can be pretty cold."

If it weren't for his looks I would have long lost my patience with him long ago. I made my way through some bushes with my lantern as the boys mulled over the bet, stalling.

Connie grumbled, "If I knew _you_ were going to win, I wouldn't have ever agreed to this in the first place."

"Do I hear a sore loser?" Jean chirped. "Better quit stalling and just jump in. It'll save you the pain of thinking about it."

I found a tall bush that concealed me from the boys. Quietly, I started to strip down. After much more moaning and groaning from Connie and Marco, the three of us were finally naked. There were some nervous chuckles from Connie on the other side of the bush. The cool breeze sent shivers up and down my skin, giving me goose flesh.

Jean yelled, "On the count of three! One… Two… Three!"

I dove for the water, making sure none of the boys could see me. A shockwave was sent through me at the initial entrance of the water. My brain totally froze at the contact. I couldn't help but let a yelp of surprise out of my mouth. Connie swore as he stopped and shivered in the middle of the rippling water, gripping his forearms. We all howled our complaints as Jean laughed on the shore.

"That's it," Connie cried. "I'm ready to get out."

"M-me t-t-too," Marco agreed. "How are you doing over there, Naomi?"

Crouched in the water, I yelled back, "Cold."

Sneaking back behind cover, I tiptoed my way back to where I'd left my clothing. The cool breeze felt like knives attacking my skin. I'd left my shirt and pants behind the tall bush. But when I went for them, they were no longer where I'd put them. Thinking that I placed them somewhere else than I thought, I searched around the area.

I started panicking when they didn't turn up.

"Jean!" I called. "Did you take my clothes?"

"No. I've been over here the whole time."

"Someone took my clothes! I can't find them!"

Jean replied, "You sure they aren't where you left them?"

"Positive!" I yelled into the woods, "Soini! Niven! I know you took my clothes!"

Angrily, I let out a huff. Somewhere in the treetops, I heard the faintest sound of a giggle. I kicked the dirt in frustration.

When I realized Jean was approaching, I hurriedly warned, "Don't look!"

Jean stopped just on the other side of the bush.

Thrusting his arm toward me, he muttered, "H-here."

He held his long vest out, keeping the rest of his body facing away from me. I stared at it in mild surprise, but I took it graciously.

As I cinched up the belt, I murmured, "Thank you. It's okay now."

When he cautiously stepped toward me, he moved like he was standing on egg shells. His cheeks were pink in the light. Even with his vest covering me, Jean refused to look in my direction.

Jean hoarsely explained, "Connie and Marco decided to head back already."

"We might as well. I'm pretty sure my brothers snatched my clothes. They've probably hidden them somewhere impossible to find."

The trip back was in nervous silence. I was feeling awful self-conscious about the amount of skin exposed. Jean lent me his cloak for added warmth as we worked back to camp. I tried to keep up with him, but my feet caught on roots and spindly twigs, causing them to hurt. He continued for a while to ignore me, not checking over his shoulder. Eventually he stopped.

Setting down his lantern, he said bending down, "Hop on."

"Really? Are you sure you're up to it?" I apprehensively drew near him.

"Yeah. It's not a big deal."

With my arms latched around his neck, he hoisted me up on his back, gripping the back of my knees. We abandoned the lanterns, snuffing them out since neither of us could hold them. It was bright enough to see where we were going though. The moon pierced through the branches of the trees above us, scattering the ground in pools of light.

I said in Jean's ear, "Thanks so much. I'll have to pay you back sometime."

He grunted, "Nah. Don't worry about it. I have better things to concern myself with."

To pass the time, I started humming. It was a simple melody my throat rumbled as I leaned my head against Jean's shoulder. I felt my eyes droop as the rhythmic steps of his footfalls lulled me.

Jean tersely berated, "Stop that."

The brusqueness in his voice caused me to pull my head away in confusion.

I asked, "Stop what?"

"Leaning on my shoulder."

"Why?"

"It's annoying."

His words stung me. It wasn't the first time he'd used that tone of voice. But it was the first time he'd directed it at me.

"Why is it annoying?"

"It just is!"

I accused, "You're acting like you did this morning. What's your problem?"

"Jaeger's my problem, and you're becoming part of it."

Jean readjusted his grip on my legs, his hands clenching my skin tightly.

"Why? Because we were partnered up for the health demo? Because I was going to give him rescue breaths?"

Jean halted abruptly. "Get off."

Without holding back, I viciously said, "Fine."

I was all too happy to get off of him. None too gracefully, I hopped down and stomped around to face Jean. He refused to look at me, furiously fixing his eyes to the ground.

"Jean," I started. "I don't understand why you're so upset about all of this."

"You like him don't you," Jean hissed, malice coating his voice. "He's got you charmed by his stupidity and 'I'm gonna kill every last titan' crap."

I let out a forced guffaw of disbelief. "Just because we were partnered for one project that you harassed us on, you think I like him? We're just friends! We hardly even hang out. You're really taking this rivalry with him too far. I'm not going to let you pressure me to choose sides in this feud you're having with him."

"You don't get it do you?"

Jean cornered me up against a tree and seized my shoulders tightly. I suddenly felt vulnerable and scared, being in a position that put him in control. He continued to look at the ground as he spoke.

"With all your singing, and guitar playing, and dancing, it gets on my damn nerves. It's your gypsy clothing! Everything about you is damn annoying!"

His shout echoed through the quiet forest, punctuated by the lack of noise. I was stunned into speechlessness, the words sinking in. It felt like he just shattered my heart with a hammer. Jean released me, breathing heavy as if he'd gone for a jog.

Trying to stay composed, I croaked, "I didn't know you felt that way." When he didn't say anything, I continued dejectedly, "I'll leave you alone."

I finished walking the rest of the way by myself, leaving Jean to his own devices. Inside the girls' barracks, I changed out of his vest into my own clothes and crawled into my cot. Sasha was snoring, asleep on the cot closest to the wall. That night, I cried myself to sleep.


	14. 104th Trainees Squad: Humanity

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

"Hey, you never told me what happened after Connie and I went back that night. How did it go?" Marco smiled hopefully at Jean, who stirred his soup quietly. Seeing his reaction, Marco's face fell. "What happened?"

Jean glanced over at Naomi across the room. She was sitting with Reiner, Bertolt and Annie. The four of them were laughing as Connie and Sasha tried to cram as much bread as they could into their mouths. Naomi seemed content and perky as usual. It made Jean frown even more.

To answer Marco's question, Jean bluntly said, "I blew it."

"Well, what happened?"

"I gave her my vest to wear, and then we started walking back. She was stepping on rocks and twigs in her bare feet, so I gave her a piggyback ride. Then she started humming and put her head on my shoulder. It was going really good until I got freaked out and then we started talking about what happened that morning and Jaeger. One thing led to another and I yelled that she annoyed me."

Marco shook his head in dejection. "Jean."

"I know!" Jean sighed. "Can't you just go up to her and clear things up?"

"No. That wouldn't be the same. You've hurt her feelings and trust in you. You've got to own up to your actions, Jean."

"I don't even know what to say."

"Just say sorry," Marco advised. "Then go from there."

Jean reflected on what Marco said, picking out all the strange ingredients in his soup. Suddenly he growled and slammed his fist against the table.

"What am I doing? I've got other things to worry about, like the final assessment coming up in a couple of months."

With that said, Jean returned to eating his food, Marco giving him a withered look.

*O*O*

_Reiner Braun: A strong soldier, physically and mentally. Excels at teamwork and is trusted by all of his comrades. _

_Armin Arlert: While lacking in physical strength, he's demonstrated an extraordinary aptitude for his studies._

_Annie Leonhart: Her strike form is flawless, but she works poorly with others and tends to isolate herself._

_Bertolt Hoover: He has great potential, but lacks initiative._

_Jean Kirstein: A master of 3D Maneuvering Gear, his brash personality often causes friction with the team. _

_Sasha Blouse: She has unconventional, good instincts, but they make her unsuited for teamwork._

_Connie Springer: He demonstrates superior physical agility, but lacks mental acuity. _

_Mikasa Ackerman: A master in all areas. Her talent is unprecedented and she is considered one of the best trainees in our history. _

_Eren Yeager: While not currently exceptional in a given area, his iron will has improved him drastically, and he possesses the greatest motivation out of all the trainees. _

_Naomi Peters: 3D Maneuvering Gear abilities are average, but her cunning and analytical skills give her a good edge. _

I stood alongside my friends at the front of the class, swelling with pride at my achievement. All the sweat and blood those years rewarded me with a wonderful result—seventh place. I'd be getting into the Military Police. If Papa were there, he'd smile in approval. Overflowing with joy, I wanted to yell out in the streets about my success. Instead, I contained it and listened to the graduation speech.

Mikasa made first place, which wasn't a surprise to me. She was truly a well-rounded soldier. Then Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie each placed second, third and fourth respectively. Between just the three of them, it was really close. I thought Annie could have very easily made second. Eren placed fifth with Jean earning sixth, me seventh and Marco eighth. Connie got ninth and Sasha tenth.

For the rest of the evening, I was on cloud nine. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. For our graduation, we made the trip to the Garrison HQ in Trost where the ceremony took place. Dinnertime was in the Head Quarters' dining hall. I was running around chatting with all my friends, buzzing with spirits and cheerfulness. Sasha and I bumped mugs in congratulations, spilling the contents over the rims of our mugs.

"Whoohoo!" Sasha cheered. "We're going to get into the Military Police!"

"Congrats Little Mouse," Reiner offered. "Now all we have to wait for is you to grow taller than Bertolt."

Bertolt and Reiner laughed heartily at the old joke while I tried to make a smart comeback. They just slapped me on the back, causing me to spill more of the contents of my drink.

Ymir and Krista were sitting by themselves, enjoying each other's company. I remembered that in order to get my spot, I had to kick someone off of the top ten. Ymir was more than qualified for the top ten. She deserved my spot more than me. But for some reason, she didn't even try to make it. I suspected it was because Krista didn't have a chance, so she wanted to stay with her.

Armin didn't make it either, mostly because he wasn't physically gifted. But his brains sure put him above the rest of us.

I noticed Jean sitting down at a table by himself, an unsatisfied look gracing his face. It had been months since I'd actually hung out with him. The disappointment in my heart had lessened in that amount of time, and I eventually forgave him for the things he said. Even though I didn't know why he said those things, I couldn't deny that I missed his company and his side of himself that only Marco and I knew. I got the impression that maybe he didn't mean the things that he said. I was ready to be friends again, only if he'd accept me.

"Hey," I said to him.

He looked up at me, a flash of something registering in his eyes. Jean continued to give me a resentful look.

"Cheer up. You're in the top ten. You've finally gotten everything you wanted."

Without waiting for him to answer, I walked off to rejoin the jovial group of friends nearby.

I was talking with Sasha and Connie when Thomas Wagner suddenly yelled, "Are you insane?"

It was loud enough to catch the attention of everyone in the dining hall. Thomas was standing by Eren and his friends, concern on his face.

"How many people have died? We're talking a fifth of the population. If that doesn't paint a picture for you, I don't know what will." Thomas stated, "This is our life now. We can't beat them."

The room was heavy with the burden of truth. It was the unspoken defeat that we'd all come to grips with. The light, joyful atmosphere was brutally crushed by the object of all our fears.

"Yeah, so what?" Eren refuted, his determined voice filling the hall. "We buckle? Take it all lying down? Things have changed—maybe not a hell of a lot, but enough. They aren't the mystery they were five years ago. There's still a long way to go, but we've made progress. Every battle we've lost has taught us a lesson—gave us the tiniest inroad towards something like hope."

Everyone in the hall hung on his every word, sifting and chewing it thoughtfully in intense silence. If Eren hadn't gotten everyone's attention before, he definitely had undivided attention now.

"You're telling me it's better to cut our losses? Let all the death and destruction be meaningless? Just to ball it up and accept it? Not on your life! Humanity's future lies outside the walls, and I'm going to clear the way! I'm going to take back what is ours. I'll drive them out, and as long as at least one of us can say that, we're not done."

Eren suddenly took off out of the hall, leaving everyone stunned. Mikasa and Armin chased after him. For the rest of the night, the atmosphere wasn't the same. I became aloof for the rest of the evening, going over Eren's impromptu speech.

When I returned to the girls' wing of HQ, I changed into my blouse and patched deep green skirt for a stroll around Trost. I was walking along one of the lit main streets of the city, the stars twinkling above me. It never occurred to me how caged we had made ourselves. I was starting to see how the world wasn't really as big as I had dreamed.

If the world we knew was going to keep getting smaller, there wouldn't be enough room to house the gypsy clans anymore. If another wall fell, I don't think the gypsy population could escape another sacrifice for the overall population.

That would mean my brothers, my father, the Sindhi, no matter how loved we are by the aristocracy for our music and entertainment, would be thrown aside like ragdolls in exchange for survival. I'd lose everything, but gain my life. I couldn't bear thinking about them marching beyond the interior into titan territory where their remains would decay.

Had I been working all this time towards my own kind's demise?

I expected that if I walked long enough through the streets of Trost that Dezzy would eventually find me. When I was sitting down on a bench stargazing, I heard someone sit down on the other end. I didn't have to look to know who it was.

"Hey," I greeted, keeping my eyes towards the stars.

"Hey," he answered. "I saw your graduation ceremony. Top ten star!"

He reached over to playfully punch my arm. I made no response.

Instead, I commented, "Have you ever wondered if the stars look different from the outside of the walls? Like, would the big dipper still be right there in the sky if you were outside or would it be in another place?"

"What brought this up?"

I looked down at my hands, playing with a string from my worn skirt. "What's going to happen to you guys after I join the Military Police?"

"We're going to be just fine."

"What if in the next five years, there's another Titan attack and Wall Rose falls? I'll be in the Military Police keeping the peace while the gypsies will once again be flushed out and the first to join the retrieval operations. It won't be fine. I'll be sending you to your deaths."

Dezzy stopped, mulling over my words. "You think we'd be shipped off?"

I nodded.

Trying to lighten the mood, he joked, "Don't worry sis. We're _gypsies_. We've got the earth energy—"

"Stop it!" I cut him off. "It doesn't exist! There's no such thing as earth energy. I can't live with myself if you and the others cannot be spared. This all doesn't mean anything if I can't use my own two hands to protect you."

"Mimi," Dezzy warned. "You can't."

"If I have to face a titan, I'll gladly do so if it helps avoid another hole in the wall."

"Mimi!" Dezzy barked. "Don't you value your life at all?"

"I do! I'm scared. But my life in exchange for our population is selfish. I'm joining the Scout Regiment."

"Papa won't like hearing this. He specifically wants you to join the Military Police."

I admitted, "I can't do it. Not knowing that our clan can't be there."

"Why do you think Papa encouraged you to join the military, hm? Just because he wanted one less mouth to feed, or because it would make the neighbors jealous? He pushed you because he wants to save you. We all know the dangers of living the way we do.

"Do I wish that I could join? Yes. I wish I did join when I had the chance. But I'll find a way to survive when that day comes. Our brothers? Papa is trying to get them apprenticeships within the interior. He isn't just trying to save you, he's trying to save Soini, Niven, Ellie and Harlan. Papa is quite aware of the future. So don't throw away your chance."

I stood up to return back to HQ, resentment boiling within me.

Before I left, Dezzy proclaimed, "I read the bones today. Something big is going to happen tomorrow. They didn't tell me what it was exactly, but I got the feeling I need to get out of here. I know you can take care of yourself, so I'm heading out tonight. Be safe, Naomi."


	15. Battle of Trost District: Harbinger

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

The newly graduated cadets were divided into groups for cannon cleaning duty along the wall surrounding Trost. I was with Armin and Marco working on cleaning the cannons, the rest of our group spread along the track to other cannons. Marco shoved the sponge down the fuselage, thoroughly cleaning the dirt out. Armin rubbed down the wood pedestal with oil while I cleaned the outside of the cannon.

It was a beautiful day with the sky a hopeful blue and the sun beaming down on the city. Cleaning duty didn't bother me nearly as much as I thought it would. Armin and Marco managed to make it interesting with all the things we'd come up for conversation.

It was hard to believe that anything could go wrong today.

Dezzy's warning rang true in the back of my mind. The Oracle bones never lied. I tried to push it down, focusing on rubbing down the cannon.

"What branch are you going to join?" Marco asked Armin.

"I'm joining the Scout Regiment."

"Eren's joining that one isn't he?" I inquired.

"Yeah. The three of us: Mikasa, Eren, me…We're in this together, so I need to support Eren as best as I can."

"Until Eren's speech last night, I never really thought about what lies outside the walls," I said as I moved along the barrel of the cannon.

Armin murmured, "It's been a dream of ours since we were little—seeing the world beyond the walls."

"It really made me think," I continued. "I remember when I entered the training corps, I wanted to be useful in life, and after that speech, I think I'm going to change my mind about the Military Police and join the Scout Regiment."

Armin looked up from his hands to give me horrified look. Even Marco paused in surprise.

"What happened to the promise you made your father?" Marco mentioned.

"I understand why he wants me in the MP, but if another titan attack occurred, I'd be trading my life for the lives of my gypsy community. The only way to avoid such an unbearable future is if I contribute my life to bringing us out of the darkness. Papa won't like it, but I'm no longer under his control."

Marco shyly admitted, "To be honest, Eren moved me last night too. I'm looking at joining the Scout Regiment too."

"Not you too Marco!" Armin exclaimed. "You were going to serve the King!"

"I still can if I join the Scout Regiment. I won't be as close as I expected though. I'll be serving my King and humanity."

I reminded, "It seemed like you and Jean were going to enter the Military Police together. Does he know about your decision?"

"No. Not yet. I don't plan on telling him right away until he cools down. He's been in ill spirits because of his rank and his rivalry with Eren. He'll yell and probably throw his shoe at me if I tell him right this instant."

I couldn't help but giggle at that image. It would be just like Jean to overreact. Other than Marco and myself, Jean really didn't have anyone who truly liked him. The Military Police would be much colder and dismal without Marco there to brighten your day.

It's strange how a normal day can suddenly change with a blink of an eye. There was a flash in the sky, and at the Outer Gate, a fleshy head appeared over the wall. Armin stood up from his crouched position, gazing in stunned silence. Our duty was forgotten as we stared at the titan Eren had described from the fall of Wall Maria.

"I-i-it's him," Armin breathed.

It was a giant with no skin. Sinewy muscles, red and alive ran over its face and neck as it inspected Trost like a curious toddler. A burst of steam suddenly enveloped his form and the most horrifying scene took place. There was a loud shatter, sending debris from the sealed gate. From where we stood, there was a pinhole of light in the wall. Everything became very clear at that point. Trost had been breached.

The Colossal Titan suddenly swung his great red arm and grazed the top of the wall, taking out any cannons that were stationed there. Before anything else happened, he disappeared in a spurt of steam.

*O*O*

"Out of the frying pan and into the fire cadets!" a commanding officer yelled as we all scrambled to prepare for the attack. "Time to put your training to work! I have faith each of you will be a credit to your regiment."

_Got to fill up my gas tanks. Do I have all my blades? What about my buckles? Did I buckle my straps down correctly? _My mind swirled with these thoughts as I went to a station and connected the nozzle to my gas cylinders.

As soon as Armin, Marco and I reach HQ, we were swept up in the mess. We got separated trying to assemble for the impending titan attack. My stomach churned in my belly, a violent rolling that threatened to erupt. I leaned my head against the gas station, taking deep breaths to calm myself down. The worst time to panic would be before it even began.

At that moment, I wished that I had bought some rosemary to ward off evil. I smiled wryly at my negligence.

Cadets around me were going through their own grief, some crying while others curled up against the gas stations, staring off into space. There wasn't anyone around me that I knew. No longer could I feel my footsteps on the stone floor. Cannon fire in the distance only made faint pops through the thick walls of the HQ.

As soon as we were ready, we gathered in the courtyard.

Our commanding officer barked out, "I want everyone split into four squadrons as practiced. All squadrons are responsible for supply running, message relay, and enemy combat under the commanding Garrison Regiment."

My heart thumped in my chest, drowning out his words. The officer's lips moved and all I could think about was the gaping jaw of a titan filling my vision. My palms wouldn't stop sweating, and I mentally slapped myself. _Get it together Naomi_. I wouldn't be able to keep a good grip on my hilts if I kept sweating. A girl next to me was shaking so badly, her legs buckled.

My arms felt like play dough, ready to fall off at a moment's notice.

"I expect you all to man your post, knowing the advanced team has been wiped out."

That statement pulled me out of my thoughts, and several cadets gasped in astonishment. I wasn't ready to hear all of this. I wanted to plug my ears and scream. My stomach started churning again.

He continued, "That's right, the Outer Gate is history. The titans are in. This means that the Armored Titan is likely to reappear. If, and when he does, the Inner Gate will also be history."

No, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening. I forced myself to believe it all was a dream, but nothing could mask the fear that choked me. Nervously, I fiddled with the hem of my jacket. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Right! Those in the Vanguard be ready! The whole area is well now saturated. Your mission is a very simple one: defend the wall until the evacuation is done. Now, be aware, all of you, that desertion is punishable by execution. If it comes to it, lay down your lives. Dismissed!"

We all cried in unision, "Sir!"

Even under strict orders, the cadets were still in chaotic disarray. People were crying, vomiting, walking around like ghosts. I found myself a little corner, trying to get myself under control.

I sensed death all around me. It clung to me like leeches. One thing was for certain, the chances of me getting out of here alive were against me. Training for three years was half the battle. If I knew that I was going to face a titan straight after graduation, maybe I would have thought twice about joining. Reality is sure cruel when you realize it's true colors. It's as black as the gaping mouth of a titan.

What am I doing? Didn't I say that I would rather face a titan than send my clan to titan territory? I shouldn't be moping around feeling sorry about myself. I have people I have to protect. Finally, I got my heart to calm down, and my breathing returned to normal. The objective became clearer for me. I wasn't just defending Trost, I was defending everyone within Wall Rose.

The miasma of death was so strong, I couldn't tell if I was sensing my own death. If I had known I was going to die, I wouldn't have left Dezzy on such a bad note. I would have told him to give Papa my love, and kiss each of our brothers for me. It was too late to do that. I'd be taking that sin to the grave with me.

Among the gypsies, if death was sensed, a person would try to clear up any foul relations with friends before he died. We did that so we'd be pure when we ascended into the spirit world. It was too late to make it up to Dezzy, but I could still go to Jean.

Calm determination set in me, I stood upright and started searching for Jean. I dodged the sprinting cadets, hoping to spot his haircut through the crowd. He was standing against a pillar, Eren nearby glaring at him. Seeing Jean brought a wave of relief through me.

"Jean!" I shouted, running.

He turned his head at the sound of his name.

I stopped in front of him and urgently pleaded, "Can I talk with you real quick?"

Before he had time to object, I gripped his hand and pulled him after me. I took us to a part of the courtyard that was a little more secluded. At first, I thought he was angry with me pulling him aside. But when I looked up into his eyes, I saw his eyes were swimming in fear.

"What?" he gruffly asked.

"I just wanted to have a clear conscience before we get out there," I took a deep breath. "Jean, I forgive you for the things you said to me."

His eyebrows rose slightly in surprise.

"I don't know why you said them, but I've never stopped considering you a friend and more. If this is the last time we meet, I want you to know that I've always admired the person who is hidden behind your snarky comments, and I wish that I had spent the last few months by your side."

Jean's mouth fell open. He stared at me for a bit, trying to form words.

Replacing his worried face with an annoyed look, he growled, "Stop acting like you're already dead. You're not going to die."

"Peters!" A Garrison officer called for me.

I looked past Jean at the man.

"You're with me."

Jean gave me look that I couldn't decipher. Reaching out, he gently tucked a loose strand behind my ear.

"See you soon," Jean said.

I gave him a curt nod before joining my squad. Jean looked on after me as I exited the court yard.


	16. Battle of Trost District: Titan

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

Standing on the tiled rooftops, I scanned my surroundings for any signs of movement. I didn't know any of the cadets in my squad to feel comfortable talking with them. They all stood a little bit away from me, too caught up in their own emotions to be of any solace.

Smoke billowed up in the distance, a sign of destruction slowly creeping our way. At that moment, I really regretted not buying that rosemary.

The commanding officer's sharp voice broke through the edgy aura surrounding us.

"The Vanguard is struggling. We move in to support them."

My team moved into action. I quickly launched myself into the air, shooting my wires into a building as I propelled through the empty streets. The ground rushed underneath my feet, a blur of stone as I focused on finding a target.

My stomach dropped at the first sight of a titan.

It was ugly—naked. The Titan trudged through the street, its swollen belly visible from far away. Blood spattered its face and hands as it hunted for more human morsels. And its _smile_. I couldn't stop staring at its mouth.

"Target sighted," a boy in my team reported. "Fifteen meter."

"Let's give'em hell!" One of the cadets yelled, aiming for the titan.

At our approach, the titan soon identified what we were, and reached out for us. We shirked from its fleshy palm and maneuvered around it. While it was busy swatting at my squad mates, I thrust myself skyward, level with the titan's head. I saw past it two more drawing near.

"Two more to the south!" I shouted. "A ten meter and a five meter!"

The two titans were closing in. One cadet tried to tackle the menace with a comrade. She was flying around to get to the nape of its neck, but the titan grabbed her wires and yanked her into its gaping jaws. As the titan closed its mouth around her body the other cadet sliced the back of it neck, sending the titan to the ground.

I flitted between the first titan's feet and hands, evading its swings. While the titan was preoccupied with me, the commanding officer managed to deal a fatal blow to its neck. Narrowly, I escaped its crumble to the ground by twisting myself out of the way, shooting my wires into a nearby building before I hit the ground.

"Gallagher, Peters, take the five meter and we'll take the one coming in from the west!"

We did as he ordered. Gallagher was a boy of average build. He had blonde hair and brown eyes.

"I'll distract him while you make the cut!" I yelled.

He nodded in agreement, trying to hold it together. I zoomed in front of the titan's face, catching its attention. Faster than I anticipated, its hand lashed out to get me. I retracted my wires and dive bombed for the ground. At the last minute, I shot them out and skimmed over the top of the road. I started running, jeering for it to come after me.

In just a few strides, it had caught up to me. I blanched at its huge face coming closer.

I roared, "Any time now Gallagher!"

It was bending down to snatch me up when I saw Gallagher make his cut. I zoomed out of the way as the titan came crashing down to the ground, shaking the surrounding area with its impact.

"What took you so long?" I snapped, landing beside the cadet.

"Look out!" He cried.

I had barely enough time to respond when a hand smashed the roof we stood on was shattered into splintering pieces. We were airborne, trying to move out of the way. Gallagher was zipping to a safer place when suddenly a head emerged from the street below him and swallowed him whole. The wires of his 3D Maneuver Gear snapped free as the titan bit down on them.

This is what a cornered animal felt like. Helpless, frantic, fighting tooth and nail to escape.

I leaped over a titan who fell on top of a roof as it lunged for me. My team was nowhere in sight. Were we really that easy to take down?

All of a sudden, my world was spinning, and I was knocked down. The air was knocked out of me as I crashed into a wall, my cheek burning as I slid down the side. My vision bubbled black as I landed on a pile of crates, smashing them with the force of my landing. The vibrations through the ground warned me of titans nearing, and I forced myself to snap out of it. Clutching my swords closely, I crossed them in front of me as a shield.

The first titan, a seven meter, rounded the corner, grinning at me. Two others, a ten meter and a three meter appeared as well. With each step, they crept closer. Their matted hair swung grotesquely from side to side.

I didn't want to die—not like this. Would anyone realize I was dead? Would the only thing that would identify me be my leg? Or my arm?

The ground beneath me began a steady rumble.

What would Papa do once he found out? Losing his only daughter. I'd make everyone cry. This is not how it's going to end! I wanted to live!

A faint, tingling sensation swept through my body. Staring up at the three giant faces before me, my vision started to blur. The next time I blinked, I was on the other end of the street. In the alley where I was cornered, the Titans were gathered.

My brain starting hurting, trying to put together how I suddenly was moved out of danger. But I couldn't stand around pondering what had just happened. I needed to finish the job.

Taking advantage of the opportunity, I shot my wires into the back of the ten meter titan and made my first kill. The seven meter made to grab me, but I sashayed out of its reach and fired my wires into its shoulder, reeling myself around to the back of its neck.

It started moving around to try and grab me again, so I reeled myself in closer. I almost overshot its back. Vulnerable spot underneath my feet, I raised my swords.

Kill number two.

The last titan, who was crushed underneath the corpses of the other two, had its head protruding at an odd angle to look up at me. With a blank expression, it gnashed its teeth. Grimly, I stared back at it without much remorse. As it pushed its way free, I rounded to the back and dealt the final blow. After that, I retreated to the rooftops to reorganize myself.

As soon as I set foot on solid ground, the world started rocking in my vision, and with the step I took to try and keep myself balanced, my legs gave out. Crashing into the tiles of the roof, I went unconscious.


	17. Battle of Trost District: Will

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

My eyes shot open and I rushed upright, hands up defensively. I gasped for breath. Where were they? Have I been eaten?

I felt a pair of hands clutch my shoulders and forced me back on my back. My head rested on top of my folded jacket, and above me, Marco's freckled face greeted me.

"It's okay, Naomi," Marco reassured. "You're alright."

My throat was dry and scratchy. I rasped out, "W-where am-m I?"

"Annie found you out cold on one of the rooftops as we were retreating to this spot. The retreat signal has been given, but none of us have enough gas to make it over the wall."

"Why aren't we going to HQ?"

"It's surrounded by titans."

If there were too many titans, the chances of survival were low. It brought great despondency within me, hearing the news, but I was glad that at least Wall Rose was still intact. I was hoping that I would have been able to permanently save my clan before I died.

The once jovial expression that had always graced Marco's face was replaced with an uncharacteristically pessimistic look. I'd never seen Marco so beaten down in spirits. He stared off towards the wall.

"There's too many of them. I don't think any of us are going to survive this. I've come to accept my impending demise. I just… wanted my destiny to mean something."

The sky was the color of stone, the same color as the wall that surrounded us. Everything was grey. It was neither heaven nor hell. Just purgatory. We were waiting for the hellish titans to come for us.

All around me, were the surviving cadets who hadn't made it up the wall. I recognized three people from my squad. It brought me some level of joy at seeing some of them alive. The rest, I assumed were killed. One of my squad mates, a girl with dark brown hair, gave me a tight smile. I waved back at her.

"Annie!"

Annie, who was standing near Marco and I turned to look at Mikasa. She ran towards us and stopped in front of Annie.

"I know how bad things have gotten. It's selfish, putting personal matters in the forefront, but have you seen Eren's squad?"

Annie answered truthfully, "Some squads made it back, but I don't know about Eren's."

"We found Armin. He's over there," Reiner pointed to Armin who was sitting up against a side of a building.

Mikasa went to him trying to find out what happened. Armin sat in a fetal position, head hanging. She bent down in front of him, receiving no response.

"Are you okay? You aren't hurt, are you?"

When I sat up, I didn't feel as dizzy as I did before. I pulled my jacket back on, listening intently for Armin's response. I had a feeling something happened to Eren. Everyone probably knew, but they couldn't bring themselves to tell Mikasa. Armin's silence only confirmed what we all suspected.

"Where's Eren?" Receiving no response, she pleaded softly, "Armin."

It was then Armin finally looked up, revealing his tear streaked face.

He sobbed, "They were… The cadets of squad thirty-four: Thomas Wagner, Nac Tius, Mylius Zeramuski, Mina Carolina, Eren Jaeger. These brave five upheld their duties. They died valiantly in the field of battle."

One by one, as Armin listed the fallen, we all stood up to pay respects. Maybe it was because he was such a fiery person, and for him to be the first of us to enter the spirit world seemed wrong. It was hard to believe someone as dedicated as him was dead. His squad was just very unlucky to have gotten the worst of the titan's force.

Armin started blubbering incoherently after that, leaving everyone to voice their fears and shock. Though her back was turned to me, I sensed something change in Mikasa.

Mikasa put her hand on Armin's clenched one. "Armin, calm yourself. We haven't got time for you to get emotional."

She suddenly stood up, determination in her step as she moved across the rooftop towards us.

"Marco," she opened with. "If we eliminate or bypass the titans in HQ, we can there refuel our Gear, allowing us to get back over the wall. Is that assessment correct?"

She never met eyes with anyone. She just stared ahead as she walked past all the cadets to the other end of the roof. It was like she lost any feeling of remorse in her body.

"Well, yeah. I guess so, sure. But there's just too many of them out there—even with you on point."

She insisted, "I can do it."

"What?"

"I am strong—real strong." She unsheathed her swords, raising one in the air. "None of you come close. You hear me? I am a warrior. Know this. I have the power to slay all of the titans that block our path, even if I have to do it alone. As far as I'm concerned, I am surrounded by a bunch of unskilled cowardly worms."

Mikasa's words stung, sparking a flame in me. As she stood before us, she reminded me of a mourning dove. Her voice held a morose tinge behind the cold severity she regarded us with.

Pointing her blade as us, she persisted, "You disappoint me. You can just sit here, and twiddle your thumbs, and watch how it's done."

Several cadets protested her plan of action.

"There's no way you can hope to beat them," one boy said.

"If I can't beat them, then I die." Mikasa turned her back to us. "But, if I win, I live. And the only way to win is to fight!"

With that, she took off. I wanted to follow her, but I was afraid. It was akin to standing on the edge of a cliff, not knowing if there was something dangerous at the bottom if you made a leap of faith.

Jean hollered, "Hey! Don't just stand there! We weren't taught to let our comrades fight alone! Unless you are a coward, in which case stay out of my way!"

Renewed energy in his step, Jean and Connie set out after Mikasa. They were quickly becoming distant, and I didn't want to let them get too far away.

Before moving out, Reiner muttered, "I never expected that from him."

Sasha barked, "Hey! Seriously! C'mon you bunch of chickens!"

Breaking away from Marco, I ran to the edge of the roof and followed behind Sasha. One by one, I heard the sound of wires shooting out and the whir of motors. The battle cry of cadets filled the air as we migrated as a group to the titan infested HQ.


	18. Battle of Trost District: Blackout

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

Being conscientious of my fuel, I tried to minimize my dependency on it.

Titans started appearing the closer we got to HQ. Many of us were able to maneuver around them and keep going, but I heard the crush of human bones several times. I didn't dare look back. As long as you kept moving, you were fine.

Mikasa was way ahead of us. She was taking down titan after titan that stood in her way, leaving a breadcrumb trail for the rest of us. It baffled me that she was taking down one after another.

It happened again.

The tingling sensation returned, coursing through my body. My momentum started decreasing, and several cadets whizzed past me. Sasha's form became blurry, and before I knew it, she was gone and Jean was ahead of me.

I looked around to find Sasha ten meters behind me.

_How did I get all the way up here?_

I must have blacked out again and I accidentally used my gas. That must be it. I didn't think any more on it and focused on moving towards HQ.

Connie diverged from the group and disappeared over some buildings.

"Where's he going?" I yelled over the wind.

Jean looked over his shoulder at me. "Going after Mikasa and Armin. She ran out of gas."

Ahead of us, a group of titans were coming. Jean yelled to halt and we all congregated on the rooftops above them. They were ten meters at the most. As long as we stayed above street level, we'd be okay.

Everyone followed Jean's example, landing nearby. I watched as the titans made a move towards the straggling cadets, only to find their prey would reach the rooftops before they could grab them. Titan activity picked up as they became aware that we were above them. Some of them clawed at the buildings, mouths wide and waiting for us to fall.

I came up beside Jean to get a look at what he was seeing. Down on the stone streets below, was a cadet with his wires attached to a wall, but unable to get up. He was out of gas.

He furiously clicked his triggers, his motor sputtering with every click. A feeling of dread washed over me. I watched as titans congregated towards him. His friends swooped in to try and save him, but they were quickly snatched up. Their screams filled my ears, and all I could do was view the spectacle before me.

I had to turn my back to them, bile ready to explode out of my mouth. Marco and Sasha stood further away, staring intensely at the scene playing out. They were all frozen in terror as they watched what could become of them.

I was done with watching people die. What good did it do to scare yourself even more? Time was running out.

Jean suddenly called to the other cadets, "Let's go! We can break for HQ while they're distracted!"

He didn't have to tell me twice. Silently, I trailed after him. As we ran along a roof, he looked over his shoulder, uncertain if people were following.

I reassured, "Don't worry. I'll be right behind you."

He briefly flashed a grin at me, returning his focus to the front. There was something comforting in the way he took charge of the group. It was a shepherd herding his flock. I had no reservations that he'd lead us to safety. In my heart, I knew there was nothing to fear.

A group of titans was approaching us. As we flew between their limbs, Jean's foot was grabbed. I managed to slice its hand off without skipping a beat, and we continued gliding through the air.

Jean yelled over the wind, "Thanks!"

Marco pulled up beside us as we sprinted down another roof.

"Jean!" he called. "You really came through for us there, man. We owe you big time."

Jean looked like he was about to say something, but Marco cut him off.

"Don't shrug it off. I'm serious. We're alive because of you. Like I said, you'll make a great leader."

Jean smirked. "Easy with the crap. We're not out of this yet."

With a sudden burst of energy, Jean sped ahead of us and piloted the way to HQ. The space between HQ and us was teeming with Titans. I weaved between moving limbs, twisted and turning my way from their grasps.

I felt a tingle resonate through my body again, and I found after choppy disruptions in my vision, I was suddenly closer to HQ. At one instance, a hand would be stretched out to grab me, and the next, I was in the clear. I tried not to put too much thought into it, concerned I'd get distracted.

I saw Jean crash into a window in the side of the HQ building, and so I aimed to enter the broken window. Covering my face, I made my entrance, breaking off a shard of glass from the edge of the window as I passed. Glass crunching underfoot, I landed with a clunk on my two feet, cadets shattering windows around me.

Jean had rolled upon entry, and lay near the door.

My limbs shook with exhaustion and relief. I was alive, and in one piece. I realized that I was gripping my swords tightly, the knuckles of my hands white. Sheathing them in the blade holsters, I scanned the room to see who made it.

Surprisingly, many of us were here. Annie stood by a broken window, rubbing the back of her neck like she woke up from a nap. Reiner, Bertolt, and Marco stood off to my right, looking slightly dazed. It was like we stepped out of a dream, and weren't sure if it was real or we were still dreaming.

I was pulled out of my stupor when I heard the smack of a fist against skin. Jean struck a person and Marco stepped in to pull him away.

"Jean, stop!"

"You cowards!" Jean spat. "You left us out there on our own! People are dead because you didn't have the guts to do your job!"

I stepped in to help Marco calm Jean. Pressing my hands against his shoulders, I forced him to look at me.

"Enough, Jean! What's done is done. There are going to be casualties no matter how you look at it!"

Looking up at Jean, the ground beneath me started rocking. I was overcome with the feeling of floating, and instead pushing against Jean, I grasped his jacket to keep from falling down.

Jean saw me wobble, and exclaimed, "Naomi! What's wrong?"

Reiner shouted, "Hit the deck!"

Jean had enough time to grab me before a wall was blown open. Shielding me with his body from the flying rubble, we tumbled several feet before skidded to a halt. The blade holsters at my sides banged against my legs as we rolled, digging into my flesh hard enough to leave bruises. I pressed my face into Jean's chest, his arms secure around my head. One the final roll, he ended up on top of me, nearly crushing me with his weight.

He was frantically saying my name as I felt myself slip out of consciousness, the sound of cadets running and screaming becoming distant. The last thought I had before I went under was I wished I didn't black out so much in my first battle.


	19. Battle of Trost District: Flash

**I do not own Attack ****on Titan**

* * *

When I had awoken, I was told Jean carried me into the hallway where the lift was. I listened attentively as Sasha caught me up on recent happenings.

While I was out cold, Mikasa, Armin and Connie appeared and explained that an Abnormal was killing off its own kind. Using it to our advantage, we were going to focus on the titans within the HQ while it dealt with the ones outside. It sounded crazy, but I was up for anything at this point.

"What happened?" Sasha asked. "What made you faint?"

I was propped up against the wall, facing her. "I don't know. I think I'm just dehydrated."

I was beginning to think my random jumps through space had something to do with it, but I wasn't going to tell Sasha that. She would think I was delusional and insist I temporarily resign from the frontlines. If I was flipping out about it, I could only imagine her reaction.

"Right now, getting to the fuel is more important. When we do, we'll get you some water."

She gave me a tight smile, the mirth dancing in her eyes before no longer there. Each of us, whether it was a comrade or our trust, has lost something. I saw darkness in each eye, and I recognized that we'd all never be the same in one way again. We'd lost our innocence of the world.

That is what differentiated soldiers from civilians.

"Thank you," I said. "For taking care of me. I never meant to be a burden."

"Don't worry about it. We have to look out for each other."

Jean marched in with a group of cadets, declaring, "Good news! Courtesy of the Military Police. And covered with a layer of dust."

He and several others held old crates in their hands filled with shotguns that looked like they'd seen better days.

"Everybody grab one."

I moved to stand, eliciting a word of disapproval from Sasha.

I objected, "I'm fine. It's not like I've got a broken leg."

Retrieving a gun, I plopped myself down to clean it next to Jean. He cast a brief look over to me as he cleaned the corrosion out of his.

"You're awake," he stated.

Cleaning mine, I responded, "I can't sleep with all the excitement going on. I at least want my part in this operation."

"You should go back and rest."

"Jean, I'm a gypsy. We tend to bounce back fast."

I spoke the truth. I was already feeling better. It was like my black out renewed me, and I was fresh from a fitful night's sleep.

Jean snorted at my remark. "When this is all over, you better get yourself checked."

Nearby, Armin was going over a floor plan of the ground level. Several of us gathered around it, Jean and I included.

Armin thought aloud, "Seven titans are waiting down there for us, and we can't use our gear. It'd be impossible to kill them on foot. Looks like we'll have to use the shotguns."

Skeptical Jean asked Armin, "Are you absolutely sure buckshot's the way to go? Seems like we might as well throw spit wads. Come on guys. Are guns even effective?"

"I don't know, but they're bound to be better than nothing. We're looking at seven titans in the supply room of the four meters tall variety. If we time this perfectly, this much ammo ought to be enough to do the trick."

The room became hushed as everyone strained to hear Armin's plan of action.

"Step one: lower a group into the area by a lift to get the titans' attention. Step two: when the titans come within range, the group fires in all four directions, simultaneously blinding them." Armin paused, thinking hard on the plan. He slowly began, "Then the hard part. The moment of truth, as it were. Before the titans have time to recover, seven of us swoop down from the ceiling and strike their vital regions."

The thought of seven titans approaching from four angles while you were trapped in a little box was daunting. No. It was petrifying. Just when we were clamoring to get away from the monsters, we were going to voluntarily wait for them before a last minute firing of our shot guns. Having to look at them again sent a flood of dread in me.

"That's it. That's the plan. It puts all our lives on the line. We screw up, we're dead. That's a hell of a risk for one attack, but that's our only chance. Seven people have to slay seven titans in one blow at the same time. We're gonna need the best of you. The seven soldiers most physically gifted and adept with their parrying blades. You'll be the difference between life and death for the rest of us. I'm sorry. That's how it is."

"Seems like a sound plan," Reiner commented.

Annie expressed candidly, "When you get right down to it, the risk is the same for everyone. It doesn't really matter who goes."

"Look I…I'm willing to be talked out of this. One half-baked strategy can't be our only option, right?"

"Hey. Don't be so hard on yourself," Marco reassured. "Come on. What we're looking at, as for our only option is pretty well thought out. If we give it our all, we might just pull this off."

"It'll be fine. You just have to be confident," Mikasa added. "You're a better strategist than you give yourself credit for."

Armin gave her an incredulous look.

"I'm serious. That mind saved Eren and me more than once."

Mikasa, Jean, Annie, Bertolt, Reiner, Connie and Sasha were chosen as the seven to hide in the rafters. I wanted to offer, but that last couple of times during battle, I had passed out. Who knew when I would pass out again?

Just before the group of seven were about to take the stairs to get to their positions, I saw painted on Jean's face uneasiness. His hands clenched at his sides while looking off somewhere.

Noticing this, I brushed his shoulder and consoled, "You're the best of the best, Jean. Don't worry."

"Are you scared right now?"

"Who isn't? I don't want to go down there. But how else are we going to live?"

After saying goodbye, I checked to make sure my gun was loaded and ready before boarding the lift.

Pressed up next to another cadet, I closed my eyes, trying to settle the queasiness in my stomach. I started naming all the horse breeds I learned on my own time during training.

_Clydesdale_

_Andalusian_

_Friesian_

My heart rate picked up as the lift came to life and started lowering us into the lift's dark shaft. The list ran through my head quicker.

_Knabstrup_

_Mecklenburger_

_Noriker_

_Pleven_

_Oldenburg _

_Holsteiner_

_Jutland_

The lift stopped, and I opened my eyes. It was dark in the supply room, only the torches on the wall giving a limited source of sight. The subtle thump of feet puttering around revealed our unwelcomed guests to our light-dependent eyes. In the dim lighting, I saw a shadow of a titan walk by.

Marco aimed his gun away from the lift, and we all mimicked him. It wouldn't take long to catch the attention of the titans. With the butt of the gun pressed against my shoulder for support, I waited for a titan to start advancing on us.

Not too much later, wide, gleaming teeth stepped out of the shadows—seven identical mouths frozen in the same sickening expressions. A boy let out a choked whimper behind me.

"Don't lose your cool! Fire only when they're all within range."

Their mouths were getting closer, and all I could think about was being crushed by their huge teeth. The room all at once was hot, creating a layer of perspiration that rolled down my temple. I was getting an itchy trigger finger. Holding back my strong desire to pull the trigger as soon as I saw a titan, I waited with bated breath for Marco's signal.

Vaguely, I remember hearing Marco saying, "Steady."

The anxiety crackling through the air could light a torch. Nearer, and nearer, the faces approached. They were so close, I could see the tiny peach hairs that coated their faces. Their eyes were glassy and distant, and yet each pair was focused on us. It was hard to believe there were any thoughts running through such empty eyes. They were soulless beings, which made it even more horrid to think about.

"Fire!"

Before he even finished the word, I pulled my trigger.


	20. Battle of Trost District: Animal

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

The room echoed the sharp crack of gunfire, the sparks that appeared at the end of the barrels peppering the dim space like lightning. I flinched at the bright light and loud sound.

On cue, the cadets hiding in the rafters emerged, making their cuts. Five titans fell. To my horror, Sasha and Connie's titans were still standing. They missed the vital point and now they were in danger. Both titans turned around to face them, unpleasant expressions gracing their faces. My stomach dropped at the sight, unable to do anything to help them.

Bertolt cried, "Sasha and Connie missed!"

"Lead them the hell back!" Jean growled.

Cried out in terror, Sasha ducked out of the way when her titan grabbed for her, screaming sorry as she lay sprawled on the floor. Connie was back up against a pillar, swords in hand as he stood petrified. Thankfully, Mikasa and Annie came to the rescue and took down the remaining two titans.

The titan corpses billowed steam as they disintegrated.

When the cadets on the ground regrouped, Jean called up to us, "They're all dead. Start loading up supplies!"

The lift was lowered fully to the ground, and everyone rushed with a bounce in their step to refuel. Among the gas stations, I found a barrel of fresh water. I ladled water in my mouth, the cool liquid coating my dry throat in moisture. I sighed in relief, dipping a handkerchief in the water and wiping my sweaty skin.

I was beyond relieved that we were in the clear. It was like taking a breath of fresh air for the first time. The feeling was so strong I wanted to cry. But I couldn't—not in front of everyone else. I would live to ensure another day would pass without another wall falling. This experience made me realize one thing, and that is how precarious our existence was. Just a small breach in the wall—the tiniest hole could affect thousands of lives.

A life wasn't worth living in fear. Fear could destroy us as much as titans could, if not worse. The thought of being eaten and dying a horrible death at the hand of a titan was much more terrifying than actually confronting them. It was then I remembered something my Papa told me.

Back when the Sindhi roamed the land, we were partnered with Ursari in a circus. They got their name from their long tradition of training bears. During this time, many of the gypsy clans were still roaming the land in nomadic clusters. We were most accepted within Wall Maria, the few clans within Wall Rose already assimilated into a settled lifestyle.

The Sindhi clan and Ursari clan were close partners in entertainment. While the Usari put on bear shows and acrobatics, the Sindhi entertained with music and simple magic tricks. In our great caravan trains, we wandered from town to town, preparing for circus show after circus show.

One time, Papa took me to see one of the bears. I had already seen the albino doe, enormous cat, agility dogs, show ponies and talking bird, but Papa never let me near the bear trainers as they trained their bears or approach the cages. As the striped tents and trapeze wires were being assembled around us, we stood in front of a large cage.

The cage was a large wagon with iron bars lining the perimeter. Inside, a brown bear with a frilly collar of green and yellow sat hunched against a wall of its enclosure, scratching his belly while munching on some grapes. Around him were old, dirty pillows and straw. A wide wooden basin was full of fresh water, set aside in a corner of his enclosure. His name was Howard. Within his cage he seemed docile.

At the time, I was enchanted by the huge animal. Pressing my face up against the bars, I grinned in awe at him.

"Hi Howard," I cooed. "Papa, he's so adorable. I wish I could pet him."

Papa crouched down to my level, admiring Howard from my point of view.

He told me, "He may be subdued, but with one swat of his paw… _whack! _Howard could snap your neck. Man once feared the bear because of his strength. Until we learned to coincide in peace together, we were at odds for a long time. Why do you think I brought you to visit Howard?"

I thought momentarily, scrunching my face up. "To teach me to not underestimate him?"

Papa's black hair was slicked back with oil, signs of old age barely visible in the form of grey hairs intermixing with his sculpted mustache and hair. His dark brown eyes were alight with delight at my answer.

He smiled and petted my head affectionately. "You catch on quickly, petunia. Never underestimate any animal, because although you are brighter than them, they know the ways of the wild much better than you do. Remember this."

He hoisted me up over his shoulders as Howard rolled over to sleep atop his mountain of pillows.

"Any animal can be tamed, but a man must learn his secrets to conquer it."

A titan was just another animal. We only had to find a solution to be able to find peace. They could one day be as harmless as Howard the bear.

While I was refueling, I saw Marco and Jean sitting together and talking. Occasionally, their glances would come in my direction. I pretended that I didn't notice their eyes, trying not to read too much into it.

In no time, everyone was stocked up on blades and fuel, and as a hopeful group, we entered the courtyard to take off. Now out of the dark, cadets gave a hoot of joy as they sped towards the wall, no longer afraid for their lives. While taking off, I saw Mikasa, Armin, Reiner, Bertolt, Annie and Jean standing on a roof. Making sure everything was alright, I changed course and landed next to them.

"What's going on? We need to get out of here," I said, staring at the scene before me.

For the first time, I got a good look at the Abnormal that got everyone excited. It was a tall, muscular body with shaggy dark hair covering its face. Pointed ears protruded through the head of hair. Cornered up into a building, it was being feasted on by other titans. I stared in bewilderment, never encountering the sight of titans eating each other. It was just unheard of.

Mikasa answered, "This may sound stupid, but I was hoping he'd be the key for us. That he'd help mankind break the cycle, turn the tides just long enough to give us a little ray of hope."

"She's right," Reiner remarked. "He's too valuable to just let die. There's too much information we can learn from him. I think it's perfectly clear our priorities would be to ward the scavengers off him. He's no good to us picked apart."

"Are you out of your mind? We've got a path out of this nightmare and you wanna stay?" Jean asked incredulously.

Annie coolly responded, "Think about it. Having an Abnormal as an ally would be an incredible advantage, right? A canon's got nothing on a titan who likes to rip apart his own kind."

"What if he's the one that changes everything that we know as of now?" I added. "This could be the first and last opportunity to take back what we've lost."

Another titan progressed toward the Abnormal.

I heard Armin give a cry of worry. "It's the Abnormal that ate Thomas!"

It had brown stringy hair, and nearly stood to the good Abnormal's height. The good Abnormal suddenly pushed against the titans eating its flesh and charged the Abnormal directly in front of it. Like a feral animal, the good Abnormal went for the other's neck, its teeth cutting through flesh. By this time, the good Abnormal had lost both limbs and for some reason couldn't regenerate. Using its own neck, it lifted the other Abnormal above it and swung it around like a ragdoll.

As another titan closed in on the good titan, the good Abnormal threw the Abnormal in its mouth. The two titans crashed into a building, leaving a large hole where they entered. Giving a bloodcurdling cry, the good Abnormal finally gave out. It crashed to the ground face first with a loud thud.

Seeing the good Abnormal finished, Jean was ready to go. But what happened next was enough to make me dizzy with shock. Through the thick steam of its decaying body, a hole revealed itself at the nape of the titan's neck. Inside, it looked like a human body. As it slowly seeped its way out of the flesh, a face appeared.

It was Eren.

Mikasa was already rushing down to get him before anyone could stop her. Climbing over the decaying corpse, she scooped Eren in an embrace. Then she started crying uncontrollably, the first time I'd seen her convey any emotion since hearing of Eren's death. I almost wanted to cry with her. It was just amazing he was alive.

I knew immediately things were going to get more complicated.


	21. Battle of Trost District: Fatigue

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

I sat around a table with Bertolt, Reiner, Annie and Jean. Laying my head in my arms, I closed my eyes. After we entered Wall Rose, the Garrison troops demanded to interrogate Eren. The rest of us were sworn to secrecy and were released, but Mikasa and Armin stayed behind. I could only hope that they were all going to be alright.

We sat in silence around the table, trying to recuperate from our first battle experience. All the training we did couldn't have prepared us for the psychological affects.

No matter how badly I wanted to forget everything I saw, the image of titans devouring comrades played gruesomely in my mind. Behind my eyelids, it was still very much real. I could feel my own body being torn apart just thinking about all those deaths.

Then I started thinking about survival. What determined who lived and died? It was like a greater being randomly picked several of us out and said, _Okay. You will die today_. I was just lucky to not be the one. None of the cadets and Garrison troops deserved death. It just wasn't fair.

I wasn't any better than the next person. If anything, I should have died with them. I didn't deserve to live if it really was my life in exchange for five others. Where was the equality in that? For every five soldiers that died, one would live. It just wasn't fair.

Bertolt put a large hand on my back, asking, "Are you okay?"

I didn't realize was trembling at that moment. Jean looked at me, concern lit vaguely in his distant eyes. He was reliving those memories too.

"I'm fine," I answered, calming myself down. "I'm just trying to deal with everything."

"You need to go the infirmary," Jean said absentmindedly.

"I'm not missing an arm," I insisted.

Jean slammed his fist into the table. "Damn it, Naomi! You passed out on the front lines. Just go to the damned infirmary!"

I balked at his callous tone, pursing my lips in a firm line. He was using that same voice as that night. I wasn't going to tolerate him treating me this way. Leaning across the table towards him, I made eye contact with him.

Glaring deep into his eyes, I whispered icily, "Okay. If you don't want me around, just say so."

Making large strides, I started down the street as dust kicked up in my wake. I heard Jean calling my name, but I kept walking.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he really meant what he said that night and I was letting my personal feelings get in the way. I thought he had put all his personal biases against gypsies aside for our friendship, but I guess he really was just tolerating my presence.

"Naomi!"

Jean grabbed my wrist, taking us into an alley where we could talk in private. I struggled against his grip, glowering at him.

"I didn't mean to snap at you, please."

I retorted, "I know you're upset about today, but you keep treating me this way. Are we really friends if you don't even like being around me? Were you just tolerating my presence because of Marco?"

He kept trying to shush me as I ranted, clutching my flailing arms.

"Can you let me speak for one shitty second?"

I stopped, searching his eyes. He looked down at me miserably, gripping my shoulders as if for dear life. When he saw that he had my attention, he dropped his head in submission.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean to snap at you at all. I was just thinking about how worried you made me when you fainted, and I thought you were going to die. I'm sorry for the things I said that night. I didn't mean it the way you took it."

Swallowing hard, I asked timidly, "Then what did you mean?"

It became difficult for Jean to speak. He agitatedly shifted from one foot to the other, refusing to meet my eyes.

His head shot up, looking directly at me. He and burst with, "You have an amazing voice and you're beautiful."

My heart stopped as I stared into his wild eyes. His face took on a pink tint, and I couldn't help but think he looked cute flustered.

"If you felt that way, then why did you say the opposite?"

He released me and took a step back. Covering his eyes, he mumbled his answer.

"What?"

Jean grumbled it again.

"I can't understand you."

"YOU WERE TURNING ME ON!"

Now we were both red as a tomato, standing awkwardly. I was glad when I looked out of the alley that no one was paying attention to us. Jean stood facing the wall, no doubt embarrassed.

"So…" I trailed off only to have Jean cut me off.

"You like someone else, don't you?"

I immediately replied, "No! I've liked you ever since we got to know each other in training."

He looked up at me in amazement. "Really?"

Too shy to answer, I nodded my head. We stood staring at each other, letting our words sink in. I never thought he'd ever see me that way; my one-sided love no longer was one-sided. Feeling embarrassed staring at Jean, I averted my gaze and focused on a crack in the stone wall of the alley.

Bashfully, I asked, "Can I hug you?"

He raised his eyebrows at me, taken aback at my unexpected request. In response, Jean opened up his arms to me.

I met his embrace and pressed my face firmly into his shoulder. It felt that if I buried my face deep enough, the horrors would go away.

Despite his brazen personality, he hugged me tenderly. His hands wrapped around my shoulders and midsection, enveloping me in pleasant warmth.

"Naomi?" Jean asked, suddenly growing apprehensive. I grunted in response, pulling away enough to be able to look at him. "Would… would I be able to kiss you?"

I stopped, conflicted with propriety and my emotions. Jean noticed my hesitation and his face flickered hurt.

"Jean, I really want to," I began honestly. "But in gypsy culture, you're not supposed to kiss until marriage."

He instantly blanched at my words. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to offend you."

I smiled at his apologetic face as he stammered out his apology.

"You didn't offend me. Courtship is very different among the gypsies than what you're used to. But I'm allowed to kiss your cheek."

I pecked his cheek to prove my point, which sent him blushing. Sheepishly, we interlocked our fingers as we talked, his hands as tame as his embrace. He then gave me a lopsided smirk.

"Before I mess up any further, is there anything else I need to know?"

"Anything that we can do in public is appropriate gypsy courtship—except kissing."

Warily he leaned in closer to me, and brushed his lips over my forehead tentatively. Upon contact, it sent a bolt of euphoria right down to my toes. And then it was over.

Jean persisted in the idea of having me looked over. The infirmary was set up down the street a little ways as he escorted me there. Strolling down the street, we avoided holding hands. One of the reasons was that it wasn't professional, and I was still nervous from revealing my feelings.

Even though I told Jean what was okay, he regarded me as if I was a little bird, and any sort of contact would completely shatter me. In spite of our bleak situation, I was overcome with giddiness.

White tents were pitched in a dry field between two buildings. A red cross painted over the entrance tent indicated that we reached the infirmary. Jean wouldn't leave my side until he knew that a nurse was going to take care of me. I think he thought I'd try to weasel my way out of visiting the medics if he didn't ensure I was dealt with.

He finally got the attention of a nurse walking by and after some heckling he finally had her accept me for an inspection. As she zipped me away, I reluctantly said goodbye to Jean.

The area was swamped with injured soldiers. The nurses hurried to attend to each soldier, their white aprons stained in red. Men and women were lying on the ground with blood soaked bandages over their foreheads or limbs. Many were without limbs. It seemed a waste of the nurse's time to look me over when there were others who needed her attention more.

Sitting me atop a wooden table that was stained with blood, the nurse quickly ran through her procedure. She had her blonde hair brushed back under her nurse hat. A tiny mole graced her face right under the right side of her mouth, giving her an elegant look. Ironically, her lips were painted ruby red. Her face was scrunched up in contempt.

"So you fainted?" she asked distractedly as she examined my eyes.

"Yes."

"When did this happen?"

"It happened twice—once after I defeated some titans and another when I was dodging titans to reach HQ."

She quickly felt my limbs for any fractures or abnormalities. Then she took my blood pressure. The longer I was poked, the more I felt like a nuisance to her. After inspecting me, she sighed in exasperation.

"Look, sweetie," she said with slight disdain in her voice. "I knew you were fine the minute I glanced at you. If you had a hand loped off, that'd be a different story. You were probably suffering from combat fatigue. The only reason I took you in was because your boyfriend insisted, and I didn't want to aggravate his own combat fatigue."

I slightly reddened at her assumption.

Suddenly I heard cannon fire, causing both me and the nurse to jerk our heads in the direction the sound came from.

"What was that?" the nurse cried.

A single shot rang out and quickly made a boom as it landed in the dirt. It sounded like it found its target way too quickly, and I became worried something happened. Off in the distance, I saw smoke on this side of Wall Rose.

Before the nurse could do anything, I jumped into action and shot my wires into a building to go investigate.


	22. Battle of Trost District: Journey

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

I stood in anxious silence, waiting for the titan steam to clear. Through the mist, I managed to catch a glimpse of a partially assembled titan. There was no skin or hair on the form that I saw. It was just muscles and bones. Somewhere in there were Eren, Mikasa and Armin.

The Garrison troops down on the ground were chattering agitatedly about their next plan of action. It didn't seem like they knew what to do, too busy with their fears to have any rational. I observed Garrison soldiers on the Wall reloading a cannon that was pointed at the steam. If the trio didn't work out something fast, they would get another cannonball.

Reiner, Annie, Bertolt and Jean were standing on a roof nearby. Spotting them, I joined their group and continued to watch the scene play out on the ground below us.

Everything I knew until that point seemed obsolete. Life of a soldier was not what I expected at all, and what I thought I knew about titans is now being shaken by Eren Jaeger. Nothing made sense anymore.

What was Eren, all those years? He was definitely human. He may have been a titan for several hours, but he returned human. I went as far to question my friendship with him, wondering if he wasn't really who I thought he was. Mikasa and Armin were just as perplexed as the rest of us at discovering Eren could turn into a titan.

But titans ate humans. He was a titan. He was one of us. He was dangerous. He was a friend. He was an enemy. I was thinking so hard on it, I gave myself a headache. It was getting really complicated. Then I shaved all the information down to what I knew to be true.

Eren is my friend who could turn into a titan, and those three years of training with him were real. He proved to be a loyal friend, and that was all that mattered.

After what seemed like ages, Armin suddenly emerged from the steam, holding his hands up in submission. The soldiers aimed their guns or held their blades up in defense, fearful at what he'd do next.

"Is this supposed to be your true form, monster?!" Captain Woerman shouted. "I don't buy it!"

His speech was so frantic I couldn't catch everything he said.

Visibly shaking, Armin yelled back, "Eren is not a foe of humanity! We're willing to cooperate with military command and share everything we've learned about his powers!"

"Your pleas fall on deaf ears! He revealed his true form and because of that threat he cannot leave here alive! If you insist that he's not an enemy of ours, show me proof—otherwise we'll blast him back to whatever nightmare he crawled out of."

"You don't need any proof! The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter what we perceive him to be! The reports say hundreds of soldiers saw him. And those who were there they saw him fighting other titans! And that means they saw him get swarmed by the titans as well! To put it plainly, the titans saw him the same way they see each and every human being as their prey! And it doesn't matter how else humanity looks at it! That is an irrefutable fact!"

Armin stood his ground very well, the quivering in his limbs subsiding with every word that came out of his mouth. Among the Garrison troops, there could be heard the distant murmur of voices, processing Armin's words.

And then all of a sudden Captain Woerman roared, "Prepare to attack! Don't let yourself be swayed by his cunning lies!"

My eyes widened in shock. The Captain wasn't listening to Armin at all.

"The titans' behavior has always been beyond our comprehension. I wouldn't put it past them to assume human form. He's speaking our language in an attempt to deceive us. I refuse to let them continue this behavior unshed!"

The once unsure soldiers quickly responded to their Captain, readying their aim again at Armin and the steam.

Armin saluted and one last time screamed, "I am a soldier! And I have dedicated my heart to the restoration of humanity, Sir! Nothing could make me prouder than dying for such a noble cause! If we were to use his titan ability, and combine it with the manpower we have left, I believe we can do it. We can retake this city! For humanity's glory, and what little time left I have to live, I will advocate his strategic value!"

Without answering, Captain Woerman raised his hand to signal fire. I saw a man with a red sash approach him from behind, and before the Captain could give his signal, the man in the red sash grabbed his arm.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. From a distance, I could gather that the man in the red sash was bald, and well in his years. He carried himself with grace for a man, calm and collected as he had a discussion with the Captain.

Later, I found out that his name was Commander Pixis, head of the Southern Garrison Regiment.

For now, Eren, Mikasa and Armin were saved.

*O*O*

I remember when Wall Maria fell.

Dezzy was fourteen and I was ten. Ellie had just gotten glasses that year at age seven, Soini and Niven were five and four and Harlan was going on nine months. We had no idea that our world was going to change.

The Sindhi were halfway between Trost and Shiganshima, planning on heading to Trost to set up the next circus. One night, a Sindhi elder had a vision. She said that she saw titans pillaging a village. None of us had ever seen a titan, but the elder was certain that it was a titan from all the things we'd heard about them.

Taking the vision seriously, we separated from the Ursari and put up charms on our wagons to ward off evil spirits and the titan energy that the elder's vision let in. The men took some horses and patrolled around the wagon train, burning incense in hopes that it protected us from bad spirits.

By going separate ways from the Ursari, both of us would be able to move faster. Circus performances were the last thing on the elders' minds, entering Wall Rose more important. I remember saying goodbye to Howard the bear, who seemed unperturbed by the turn of events. After the day we parted, the Sindhi never saw the Ursari again.

After a week of traveling, we finally reached Trost. As we followed the river to the gate, boat after boat floated by filled with people. When we reached the gate we realized why so many people were heading into Trost. Wall Maria had been breached.

Gypsy clans swarmed the gates, trying to enter the walled city. Among them were settlers from nearby villages that were competing with the gypsies to enter safety. We soon learned that Trost was already full of refugees and would not accept anyone else—especially not gypsies.

The villagers would lash out violently at the gypsies, blaming us for not being able to enter Trost. Realizing that we wouldn't be able to enter the interior through Trost, the elders decided to take our caravan northeast to Karanese. Following Wall Rose, we journeyed onward.

One night, when we were all gathered in our wagon, Mama braided my hair as Dezzy and Ellie quietly played guitar. Soini and Niven for once, were being calm and were busy fixing a broken drum.

"Mama?"

"Yes, Mimi?"

"I'm scared."

Mama turned me so she could look at me. Her brown hair was pulled back, exposing some of the grey that was in her hair. Harlan was wrapped up in a sling around Mama's bosom, deep in sleep already.

"What are you scared of?"

"The titans."

My brothers paused what they were doing, looking up at me. The elders had decided that we would have to leave our nomadic lifestyle and settle down in Karanese. I was very upset when Papa broke the news to us. I blamed the creatures that humanity feared for our troubles. They were the stuff of nightmares from the stories I'd heard from village children whenever we passed through a village.

Mama pursed her lips, thinking.

Ellie relayed, "Kain said that the titans are as tall as the sky, and they have sharp teeth."

"The only thing they eat is us," Dezzy added.

"Whether it is true or not, you have nothing to fear," Mama explained. "Our ancestors, before the Walls were built, manipulated the earth energy to avoid the titans."

Niven asked, "How did we do it?"

"It is said that we outsmarted them with the help of the energy. This energy that only the gypsies can manipulate has given us our resistance to disease and our ability to survive this long. Each of you has earth energy guarding you."

As a child, anything you're told seems bigger than life. Earth energy was something that was as real as it was a mystery. Mama continued to tell us tales of witty men and women who tricked evil spirits with their powers. Soon the fear of titans dissolved, a far-off nightmare that Mama blocked out with her warm smile and gentle hands.

From then on, we weren't scared—mostly because Mama promised us that as long as she could do something about it, that we'd never be harmed. There was nothing to fear because Mama would always be there for us.

On the journey, we found a village that was ravaged by the titans. Afraid of disease, we avoided approaching it. A few days later, several of the clan members fell ill. Mama became one of them. Before we made it to Karanese, we lowered twenty-two clan members into the ground. People I'd known since I was a baby entered the spirit world, Mama included.

To ease the burden of losing his wife, Papa allowed some of the gypsy women of our clan to take care of us, splitting us up into different families within our clan as we mourned for our lost kin. Harlan was taken in temporarily by a woman who was nursing her own baby while Soini and Niven were living with two old ladies who could barely see. Dezzy went off by himself, leaving me and Ellie to carry on taking care of our wagon while Papa patrolled the wagon train, swinging incense beside him.

For one month, our clan wore black.

After Mama's death, Ellie became more introverted than usual, staying inside our wagon and reading. Dezzy never came to visit us during the time of mourning. He always was sitting atop the very last wagon in the train. Soini and Niven kept up their antics, pranking the poor half-blind ladies they stayed with. They'd hide things from them and watch as the two accused each other of taking each other's things whenever I'd stop by to check up on them. Harlan became uncharacteristically vocal, giving the young gypsy mother a hard time. He knew that he wasn't with Mama anymore.

Papa managed to smile at us whenever he'd come back from his patrol shift. He'd act like dinner was the best meal in the world even though Ellie and I were never taught how to cook a good meal. Though he tried to be brave for us, I saw how his eyes hurt. Bedtime, I'd see him brush Mama's pillow with his fingertips, looking out the window beside their bed at the night sky.

Ellie was passed out in his bed that was in a little alcove underneath our parents' bed. He fell asleep with his glasses on again and head lying on a book like it was a pillow.

Seeing Papa awake, I whispered, "Do you miss Mama?"

I already knew the answer to that, but I didn't know how else to start talking to him.

"Very much so."

"Are we all going to be separated forever?"

Papa rolled over in his bed to look at me. He had taken off his black vest and was lying in bed in his shirt and pants. I never occurred to me until that moment that Papa looked old. His once black hair and moustache was starting to turn smoky grey, and the crows feet on either side of his dark eyes were more prominent than ever before.

He replied reassuringly, "Of course not, petunia. This is just temporary until we all get used to the way things are going to be from now on."

"It feels like I'm going to always be sad," I confessed. "I want Mama back."

"Mama is here, you know. She just no longer has a body. She will always be with us, no matter where we are, or where we go. What makes losing those we love so very hard is that we are physical beings. We can only accept what we can hold in our hands, and in our sights. It takes time getting used to the lack of physicality of a person."

I was crying at this point, tears pooling in my eyes and rolling down my face from my hammock.

I stammered, "But…I-I don't want…to forget h-her."

Papa beckoned me to lay down with him, and I quietly slipped out of my hammock to join him. His warm hands enveloped me in a solid embrace, lovingly petting my hair.

Papa answered, "Living on isn't the same as forgetting. Living on is honoring those we love that have entered the spirit world."

It was then I heard sniffles.

"I'm…" Papa's voice cracked, followed by more sniffles. "Having a hard time too. But remember that we're all together right now."

We drifted off to sleep together, Ellie's soft snoring like a comforting lullaby. Just before I fell asleep that night, I thought I felt someone brush my forehead and kiss it. In my heart, I knew it was Mama.


	23. Battle of Trost District: Mission

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

"Take note, the blueprint of the Trost recovery operation is this: Our primary objective is to reseal the hole. Yes you are right. What's more, it will be done manually."

Commander Pixis roared his plans from the top of the wall, his words crisp and precise to make up for the distortion as his voice echoed down to us. A wave of astonishment swept through the crowd of soldiers hearing this.

"As for how the task will be done, that's where this fellow comes in. Allow me to introduce Cadet Eren Jaeger. Don't let appearances deceive you. This young man is in fact the successful product of an experiment of cunning age science. Fantastic as this may sound, Cadet Jaeger possesses the ability to fabricate and control a titan body at will."

Connie was about to say something, but I nudged him to be quiet, focused on Commander Pixis's words.

"Recall the massive boulder roughly a league from the gate. Having assumed titan form, Cadet Jaeger with hoist said boulder onto his back, schlep it to the hole, and voilà. And this is where you all come in. Your job will be to defend him. Yes. Defend a titan against his own kind."

As Commander Pixis continued to talk, more and more soldiers became restless. I could see it as they moved around to talk in hushed tones.

A soldier off to my right muttered, "This is nuts. No way in hell am I going to defend a titan."

"They're lying!" Daz shrieked. "I'm not going to be drawn in to sacrificing myself for this kind of crap! We're just disposable tools for you people!"

The paranoia was beginning to heighten around me. I watched soldiers starting to disband and head the opposite direction. Each one was being selfish, putting their desires before their duty. If everyone were to act like that, then humanity would probably be doomed to extinction.

Muttering to myself, I spat, "Selfish."

The higher ranking soldiers started becoming violent with some, threatening to end solders' lives for desertion. I didn't move from my spot, afraid of being cut down for looking like I was going to desert.

Commander Pixis bellowed from the wall, "Anyone wishing to leave, will by my personal order not be charged with treason."

At those words, all conflict paused momentarily.

"Those who have seen a titan firsthand will not be expected to revisit such horror again. Whomever this applies to, you may leave with my blessing. Additionally, anyone with family and loved ones that they would spare from the same trauma may also leave. The crown will continue to recognize your service. Thank you, and good luck!"

Upon hearing his words, the soldiers who were planning on leaving returned to the group. I saw one soldier keep walking, never looking back as she worked her way out of the crowd. Seeing that he had almost all his soldiers back, Commander Pixis continued his inspiring speech once more.

"Now, think back four years ago. Namely, the operation to retake Wall Maria. I bring it up because you all deserve to have your suspicions confirmed. Officially, we labeled it 'reconnaissance', but in fact as most of you probably know, it was little more than a purge—a thinly disguised exercise in population control."

I balled up my fists at the memory. When my clan got to Karanese, we immediately had to go underground into the sewer systems to escape the soldiers who were rounding up refugees. It was the worst moment of my life, being cloaked in darkness that stank. The smell didn't leave my nose for weeks.

Some of our clan members were found and forced to join the operation, cutting our numbers down to half. By the time they were deployed to Wall Maria, we had found other gypsies who were hiding and allowed them shelter with our clan. The soldiers in Karanese didn't coordinate their efforts to completely flushing us out. Mostly, the flushing out was done in Trost.

A man, wife and his baby came from the Kalderash clan, a group of coppersmiths, and were the only known survivors of their clan. A little boy and girl got separated from the Sitari, or cooking utensil clan, and were adopted by one of the Sindhi families. Several people came from the Kirpachi clan who made baskets, and the blacksmiths of the Kovachi clan.

Once things settled down in Karanese, the Kirpachi and Kovachi went off to establish their trades in the market place while we developed our entertainment business. We found a building that we could rent for cheap in a rundown area of the city. Later, we found out the previous owners were gypsies that were sent off to recover Wall Maria. The adults spent months cleansing the place to keep bad spirits from entering.

I felt bad about the whole ordeal, but I didn't quite understand why. At that time, I pushed the feeling back like hiding a floor stain under a rug. Now, I realize what I was feeling was guilt for thriving on another's failure. Instead of mourning gypsies we didn't even know, we were trying to get rid of their bad energy that was left in their place.

The world was so dirty, pitting even us gypsies against each other.

"The guilt is ours. We share the blame, all of us. The citizens of Wall Rose sustained themselves on the wholesale slaughter of refugees who'd flown to us for help. But turnabout is fair play, is it not? If Wall Rose succumbs, the population will succumb to a whole other order of magnitude."

Papa. My brothers. Gone.

"The lands comprising Wall Sina wouldn't support half the people now living. If we're wiped off the face of the earth, the culprit will not have been the titans, I assure you. Oh no. We'll have done it to ourselves. If the line isn't drawn now, it won't be drawn at all. If we must die, let us die here!"

*O*O*

The same feeling of dread coursed through me as I stood on the lift, getting ready to go to the top of the wall. Trying to calm my nerves, I started naming horse breeds again. Reiner was standing next to me, and apparently my face revealed my emotions. The lift made a whirring sound as it climbed the stone wall of Wall Rose.

"Little Mouse," Reiner started. "You're doing great. Honestly, I thought you'd have pissed your pants by now."

"Oh please, Reiner," I mocked. "You give me too much credit. How do you deal with all of this?"

He shrugged. "I remember what I'm here for. If you ever get in a pinch, just yell for Bert or me and we'll help you out."

Bertolt stood on the other side of Reiner and craned his neck to look at us when he heard his name. Reiner flashed me a grin and put an arm around Bertolt.

"You guys are too sweet," I smiled, earning a blush from Bertolt and a wider smile from Reiner. "I'm lucky to have wonderful friends like you guys."

When we were gathered in a large group at the corner of the wall where Wall Rose met Trost's wall, everyone took turns scaling down it to entice the titans. Standing back from the edge, I could see as many as fifty titans all squeezed up against each other below, reaching for the dangling soldiers.

An officer kept reminding us, "Do not engage in combat! Your objective is to lure the titans."

I lowered myself along the wall, mindful of how far down I could go without getting grabbed. Sasha was next to me, shaking as she stared down at the different faces.

Walking myself towards her, I called out, "Sasha! You alright?"

"I-I-I d-don't want t-to be eaten," she stuttered.

"You're not going to be eaten as long as you keep your wits about you."

A soldier above us shouted, "Abnormal! Pull up!"

Sasha let out a scream, reeling herself up. I quickly did the same, flying up with the spurt of some gas. When I looked over my shoulder, I saw a titan that looked like an oversized baby crawling onto the shoulders of a twelve meter. It suddenly catapulted itself off of the shoulders of the titan it stood on and flew right towards us.

The baby titan smashed its face into the wall, sending soldiers scattering. It fell back on top of some titans, its face steaming as it recovered from its attack. It wasn't long before it tried again, this time propelling itself further up the wall as we tried to escape it.

"Do not engage!"

One soldier protested, "The bastard's coming for us! Fire the damn cannon!"

I reached the top of the wall, Connie pulling me up the rest of the way. Sasha collapsed by the edge in a fit of sobs. Then I heard a screech of pain.

Just before a man was about to reach the top of the wall, the Abnormal managed to grab a hold of the man's leg. Swaying by its teeth, the Abnormal gazed up in mild triumph at its achievement. Its glassy brown eyes stared up at us. Then it was falling back down, taking the man's leg with it.

Before the Abnormal could recover a cannon fired, putting an end to that nightmare.

The man immediately was hauled off to the medics on a stretcher, a fellow comrade pressing down on his leg to stint the blood flow. I looked away, ready to throw up.

We resumed our shifts along the wall, encountering several Abnormals that unfortunately took some lives. If they could help it, cannon fire was the last resort. After my shift, I went to refill my gas tanks. Armin was standing by the crates full of tanks when I came by. I saw him, and immediately I remembered that I needed to thank him.

"Hey Armin?"

He looked up at me, his blue eyes glowing with a flicker of fear in them.

"I never said thank you back when we were in HQ taking out the titans. If it weren't for you, none of us would have survived. I owe you my life."

"Don't say that. You don't owe me anything."

I answered, "Well, I hope in the future that I'll be under your command, because I know with you coordinating attacks, I'll have a higher chance of survival."

Suddenly, a flare went up. In the distance, it was red—that wasn't a good sign.

Marco was standing nearby when it appeared. He held a grave look on his face as we all thought of the worst that went wrong.

"They failed," Marco breathed.

No way. It had to work. If it didn't, then everything was for nothing. All of it would be pointless. One way or another, the plan had to work.

Armin asked in disbelief, "B-but how?"

All of a sudden Armin dropped his tanks and started running. Marco called out to him, but Armin ignored him and kept going.

I said, "He's going after Eren."

"But he can't do that. It isn't safe!"

Setting down my own tanks, I answered before leaving, "That's why I'm going after him."


	24. Battle of Trost District: Energy

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

Armin couldn't handle it by himself. He wasn't a physically strong individual. I wasn't the greatest athlete either, but I could get us out of trouble. Already he was way ahead of me, so I tried to catch up. We ran along the top of the wall to where Eren was.

My heart pounded in my ears as I ran the length of the wall. After running and fighting all day, it was ironic that I didn't feel very fatigued by it. I imagined no one was feeling very tired with their adrenaline levels up.

It seemed like it took forever to near the location of the boulder. During the whole time, Armin did not stop running. He was more determined than I'd ever seen before. Easily, I kept up with him, hanging back some.

Suddenly, he darted off the wall, catching me off guard. I followed after him, but he was quicker than I anticipated. I soon lost him among the buildings. In the distance, I saw titans entering through the demolished gate, some making their way towards me, and others going for the decoy at the other end of the city.

I was breathing hard, trying to find Armin. Cautiously, I swung through the streets in case a smaller titan caught me by surprise. And then I heard Eren roar. It was a pained shriek that echoed through the air, and I was able to find him.

Hooked on Eren's titan back, Armin had his sword jammed down into Eren's flesh, close to the center of the titan's nape. Mikasa was busy taking care of titans nearing the immobile Eren. I landed on Eren's back, kneeling beside Armin.

"Come on, dammit! Wake up!"

"What's wrong?" I asked as I fired my hooks into Eren's flesh for stability.

"Eren lost control of his titan body, and now he's like this. I can't wake him up!" Armin screamed into Eren's back, "Eren! We need you!"

"Don't do this to us! Fight it, and get up!" I shouted. "People are dying trying to keep you alive until you plug the hole! Don't let their deaths be meaningless!"

Armin released his hold on his sword, pounding his fists against Eren's flesh, screaming. I reach to grab the operation device, believing if I touched it I'd be speaking with Eren. I don't know what possessed me to take hold of the operation device that protruded.

As soon as my hand wrapped around the hand grip, there was a sudden crackle of electricity. I jolted as a current suddenly ran through my body, stinging the tips of my hands and feet.

Eren suddenly roared to life, rattling me and Armin against him. My vision became bleary, and I furiously wiped at my eyes to try and dispel it. Armin screamed in fright, trying to get a grip on Eren's skin. Everything became unclear afterwards—like I entered a dream state.

*O*O*

Jean stepped back onto solid ground, done with his shift. The sun was making its way to the west, sky painted orange in preparation for the sunset. Even in the slowly waning light, the red smoke was clear as a beacon. Seeing Connie and Marco nearby, he went up to them.

"What the hell's up with the red smoke? What happened to it?"

Marco replied, "I don't know, but Armin and Naomi have gone to see."

Jean bristled at the news. "What? How could you let her go?"

"I'm sorry! She wouldn't listen to me."

"She's not strong enough to take on a titan! Armin is going to be useless too."

Connie allayed, "Calm down Jean. Mikasa is out there protecting Eren. She will probably find them and everything will be fine."

Jean stood with his hand balled up in fists at his sides. He looked to the ground, battling the emotions that were toiling in his head.

He was safe, but she was not. Naomi was foolish going after Armin. They wouldn't be able to handle a hoard of titans together with their skill sets.

The moment Naomi voiced her forgiveness, a burden in his chest suddenly lightened after that. It was then he realized how fragile life was, and he regretted not coming clean sooner. Just when things were beginning for them, he was faced with another life that he could lose forever.

She was mysterious—exotic; the most interesting person he'd ever met. She understood people, and that's how they were able to be friends. Even he was aware of his difficult personality and how it was the main reason many people were hesitant to approach him. Despite it all, she still came back. It amazed Jean how tolerant she was of him. People like that only came around once in a good while.

If Naomi died, Jean couldn't bear to live with himself. Already, he had the blood of many on his hands—he refused to have the blood of such a sincere and kind person spilled meaninglessly. Fear still clinging to his heart, he started walking away from Marco and Connie.

"Wait! You're not going too?!" Connie exclaimed. "That's suicide!"

Jean grumbled, "Somebody's gotta save her ass. You can't expect her and Armin to fend off a hoard of titans by themselves."

With that, Jean broke out into a run.

*O*O*

It felt like I was made of water. Something inside me would swell like water beating on a shore, building up in me and slowly receding. My body was cloaked in warmth like a sunny day lying under a tree.

All of a sudden someone pulled on my hand, and I was freefalling. My wires tightened as they supported my weight, and then everything became clear again.

"Let's go, Naomi!"

Armin pulled out his sword and settled on a nearby building. I quickly joined him, the warmth in me dissolving.

"What just happened?" he asked, panic in his voice.

"I-I…Don't know. It was all kinda hazy."

I raised my hand to brush through my hair, and became aware my hair had come out of its braided bun. My long, black locks spilled over my shoulders and back.

_When did that happen?_

Armin explained, "When you grabbed my operation device that was embedded in Eren, you suddenly jolted and this weird light came off of you and your hair started floating around you. Every time the light pulsed you could see it enter Eren's body."

I could see the fear in Armin's eyes. He was scared of me. In his alarm, he drew his swords on me.

"Did you bewitch Eren?"

"What, n—"

Armin spat, "Are you a friend or foe of humanity? Answer me, gypsy!"

I held up my hands in surrender, trying to keep Armin from doing something rash. He trembled in the waning light of the sun, his face backlit by the tired sun. His swords were pointed at me, glittering and quaking more than his body.

I replied earnestly, "I'm your friend, Armin! Remember all the time we spent together during training? Does this moment really put so much doubt in you? Isn't this the same as Eren?"

"That's different! I've known Eren for a long time! What am I supposed to think when someone looks like they're giving energy to a titan?"

My eyes widened in realization.

_Could it be? No… That's impossible… Or is it?_

I blurted, "It's earth energy."

It wasn't a legend after all.

I suddenly became lightheaded at the discovery, not wanting to believe it. The space jumps and blackouts were caused by manipulating the energy. How I did it, I didn't know. What I did know, was that Armin feared me.

People already were wary of gypsies, and exposing the existence of earth energy would only heighten tensions that were just beginning to lessen. We were beginning to build trust among the population of the Walls, but any potential threat would justify our extermination. The existence of earth energy had to be a secret for the time being.

"What?" Armin said.

I lunged for him, taking him by surprise. I kicked his swords away without much resistance and grabbed his shoulders. As expected, he arrested into a stock-still figure, no doubt worried I'd do something to him.

"Armin," I began. "Look me in the eye, and tell me. Do I look like I'd intentionally hurt you or Eren?"

I held his gaze in intense silence, waiting for his answer. Slowly, he shook his head no.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone what just occurred. I'm serious. This could mean life or death for my family."

Armin just stared.

I shook him and pressed, "Armin. Promise me."

Pushing me away, he looked me over and continued thinking.

Solemnly, he answered, "I promise."

After that, we parted ways. We were each going to spread the word that Eren was on his way to plug the hole. Armin sped away from me, intent on finding Mikasa and informing her first. He left me to stand on the rooftops, alone.

I was just about to take off when I heard from behind me, "Naomi! Look out!"

Recognizing that voice, I spun around and yelled, "Jean?"

I barely had enough time to hurdle out of the way as a five meter titan pounced on me.


	25. Battle of Trost District: Boulder

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

It must have snuck up on me. The five meter titan crawled around on all fours like a dog, skidding along the roof after it missed me. It was an Abnormal. The ash brown hair on its head was a curly mass of unruly hair, knotted and dirty. Right away it turned back around and came at me with quick speed.

Startled, I sprung backwards and tripped. There wasn't enough time to get back up and run. It was coming way too fast at me. I futilely crawled backwards, my mind going blank on what to do.

Then I saw wires shoot into the Abnormal and Jean swiftly dealt the killing blow. Blood spattered into the air as he surged by and touched down several meters away. The Abnormal took a few more strides before coming to rest about 3 meters from where I sat. Seeing its lifeless form, I breathed a sigh of relief.

Jean's uniform and swords were soiled in the fowl liquid which was already in the process of disintegrating. Relieved to see him, I stood up and started towards him. He flicked some of the gunk off his swords and sheathed them. He then jerked his face in my direction, causing me to halt. Jean gave me the deadliest glare I'd ever seen from him.

When he was close enough, he berated, "What the hell were you thinking coming out here?"

As he tromped up to me, I couldn't help but feel a little frightened.

"I was backing up Armin in case he ran into trouble. We're not supposed to let comrades go solo, so I acted on instinct."

"Idiot. It's not safe out here without a squad! You should have come to me."

Before I could argue further with him, Jean snatched me into his tight grip, burying his hands in my hair. I became aware he was shaking, and I wrapped my arms around his waist in consolation.

I murmured, "Sorry for making you worry."

"I've seen too many people die today."

"I promise I won't die. Right now, we need to defend Eren. He's up and working on plugging the hole as we speak. Armin went ahead to tell Mikasa. We've got to go now."

Jean resisted at first when I tried to pull apart from him, afraid that I might evaporate into thin air if he let go.

Right before he released me from his grip, he grumbled in my ear, "You're damn nuts sticking your neck out for others."

We rushed through the vacant streets toward the gate. The boulder peeked over the rooftops far away, revealing his location. Even further away I saw titans being taken out by the elite team. I wondered if Armin had gotten to them yet.

And then we saw Eren. Hot steam radiated off of him as he struggled to reach the opening. The boulder sat perched firmly on his back, his arms showing no sign of giving way. With his back turned to us, he looked like a defenseless human exposed in a pure form. He carried the burden of the world on his shoulders for all of us.

For a moment, all Jean and I could do was gape at the wondrous sight.

Jean had to nudge me out of my trance, saying, "Let's go. If we stand here any longer, there won't be any titans left for us."

All the soldiers protecting Eren were scampering across the ground, luring titans away from him. Diving in, I saw a man being held by a boot as a titan brought him closer to its mouth. Anchoring my wires in its back, I blasted myself towards the titan, scraping my blades into the back of its neck as I passed.

As I was about to land, I saw at the last moment a large hand coming to swat at me. At the last second, I flipped out of the way and started running, making sure I had its attention. While it was distracted, Jean dealt the blow to the neck.

It seemed like ages we were doing that—me playing decoy while Jean finished them off. My muscles were burning like they never burned before. But I gave it my all, knowing the payoff was near. Each kill I made was for the people who had died in vain, barely coming into adulthood when the titans crushed them like ants. I shook with the effort I put into fighting the titans, fire burning within me.

All of it ended when the boulder struck the hole, sending a tremor through the ground at the force. Cracks appeared around the edges of the boulder on the Wall, snaking away from it. The sound of the collision resounded through the lifeless city with finality, signifying the end at last.

*O*O*

That night, the last thing anyone wanted to think about was the titans. Because HQ was inside Trost, we had to sleep in tents pitched along the river until it was safe to enter. All the inns in town were full of Trost's own refugees until cleanup was complete. Since bathrooms were unavailable many soldiers washed the blood and grime they accumulated in the river. Even after washing, I still felt dirty. My mind was soiled from all I'd seen today.

I sat on a blanket that made up my bed, a thin pad, blanket and pillow the only thing that was distributed. The only light that lit our tent came from the lantern that hung at the center of the ceiling. The shadows that it created accentuated the raggedness and hardened looks on each of us.

Using my fingers, I worked out the knots in my hair. Krista had placed her bedding next to mine and was fixing it the way she wanted. She looked over at me and saw me listlessly combing through my hair.

"Here," she offered softly, reaching for my hair. "Allow me."

I readjusted my body so she could sit behind me. Her soft hands gently worked through my hair, freeing the knots I had acquired during the day. The feeling of someone brushing through my hair always brought comfort to me. But at that moment, all I felt was remorse.

Noticing my stillness, Krista tried to get me to talk by mentioning, "I don't see you very much with your hair down. It's so long."

My dark hair ended at my waist, gentle waves curling it from putting it in a braid so often. It was always my pride and joy, having such strong, long hair. Now, I couldn't feel anything. All I could feel was demoralize by the untimely deaths. The blood that spilled will forever stain my hands, and my comrades' deaths can't ever be atoned for.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

After she finished, I tied my hair back into a low pony tail and asked the room, "Does anyone have scissors?"

Sasha held a pair up for me to see.

I sat down by Sasha and dictated, "Cut it."

All the girls in the tent gazed at me in shock. Ymir even dropped her jaw.

"W-what?" Sasha reacted.

"Cut above the hair tie so that the hair remains in a bundle," I elaborated.

Still hesitant, Sasha asked, "Why? It's so beautiful!"

"To remember those who died. They gave their lives, I give my hair."

Reluctantly, Sasha stepped behind me. I felt the cold metal of the scissors at the base of my neck, and then I heard her cut.


	26. Battle of Trost District: Pieces

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

Sasha helped me layer my hair after she cut off forty-six centimeters of it. The hair that was cut off I anointed with oil and burned with herbs as a blessing for the deceased. Gathering the ashes of the hair and herbs, I put them in a glass bottle the size of my finger and released any remaining into the wind.

When the rest of my friends saw, they were speechless at the sudden new look. The initial shock faded as we went on about our duties.

During the next few days after Trost, I hardly saw anybody. We were all assigned different duties in the clean up. Eren was nowhere to be found, most likely taken into custody. Once again, I felt alone like I did the day of the battle. At night, I collapsed deep into sleep after long days. When all the titans were dealt with that remained in Trost, we had to identify and dispose of all the bodies.

The day before we set out to do that, I bought several different herbs and arranged them in one bundle so I could shake it over the dead. Doing this helped ward evil spirits from inhabiting their bodies.

Inside the city, little particles of ash floating in the air from the funeral pyres were like a twisted version of snow. To keep the ash out of our noses and mouths, we wore cloths that covered parted our faces. Gloves that reached as far as our upper arm were required while dealing with the bodies.

Blood crusted the ground and walls in spatters, alluding to the death that followed. Soldiers carried the fallen and laid them shoulder to shoulder in a line. The ones that were identified were carted away unceremoniously with wooden wagons piled high with decaying corpses. Two days of lying exposed in the sun brought out the stench of rot, stinging my nose.

That day, Jean and I happened to be assigned the same area. We worked near each other for reassurance as we identified comrade after comrade, reporting to the nurse who was recording names of the fallen. Every time I came across a body, I shook my herb bundle over them before handling their lifeless form.

Jean was unnaturally subdued, hardly speaking to me at all. I wasn't in the mood to talk either, feeling that silence was the best way to pay respect to the dead. Many others felt the same way as we worked on disposing the bodies.

I was loading a body with the help of Bertolt onto a wagon when I noticed Jean stopped in front of a body. At first, I thought he was trying to remember who it was, but the longer he stood motionless, the more I became concerned. Disquieted, I stepped over to him.

Softly, I asked, "Is everything alright?"

Jean didn't hear me, and instead muttered to himself. I inspected the body closer.

The body was distinctly male. Half of his face was visible and pale, well into decomposing. His weak form was slumped up against the wall in a somewhat peaceful position unlike some bodies we'd found. The eyes were cast down in a compliant gesture of resignation. Through the decaying flesh, of his face, I spotted freckles. Everything fell into place at that moment, and I realized why Jean was staring at this body for so long.

It was Marco.

It felt like I just got smashed by a titan and was slowly dying on the inside. All my eyes could see was Marco's corpse, motionless. I might as well have been bleeding to death because any confidence I had left just died and made me feel lifeless. The comrades I'd loaded onto the wagons were different in the sense that I was never close with them, only recognizing their faces and feelings of camaraderie connected all of us.

But Marco… I never got to say goodbye. I spent the last three months feuding with Jean when I could have been spending it with Marco. Because of my pettiness, I missed the last moments I had with him. The reality sunk deep into my gut. There was no one to blame but myself for that. If I could have just looked past my hurt from Jean, this never would have happened.

I felt like glass—breaking and shattering onto the ground. My knees hit the pavement, and uncontrollable tears streaked my cheeks as I crawled towards the corpse. It was no longer a decaying body. It was Marco.

Jean was paralyzed on the spot, not moving an inch from where he stood. He just stared, muttering incoherent thoughts.

Whimpering, sat down beside the body, repeated sorry over and over. I sniffled and hiccupped as I shook the herb bouquet over Marco's head. Saying a prayer, I tucked the bouquet in his one hand that rested over his midsection. From my own pocket, I gave the vial of ashes I had made and placed it in his.

I became aware that the nurse was talking to me.

"Cadet?" she said. "Can you identify him?"

I croaked, "Marco Bott: member of the 104th Cadet Corps, Captain of Squad nine."

After scribbling that down, she answered, "Thank you. May he rest in peace."

I didn't make a move when she left to go identify more bodies. All I could do was stare at Marco. Over and over, I kept thinking it was all my fault. I should have been there for him.

Meanwhile, Jean started wandering aimlessly around the area, continuing to mutter to himself, gazing at his hands.

When he passed by, I stated, "We need to move the body."

He continued to drift on.

In a voice that didn't sound like my own, I snarled, "Help me, Jean!"

It was enough to make him stop. He turned to me, eyes wide in fright as if he was a lost child. Together, we hauled the body to the nearest wagon. Marco's body was the last one before the wagon took off for the funeral pyre.

At first, I held on to the wagon like it was a crutch. When the driver commanded the horses to move, I followed a few meters before finally releasing my grasp. I watched as Marco disappeared around a corner, taking a piece of me with him.

*O*O*

After dinner, we had free time. Some soldiers played checkers. Others went to bed. Some went on dates with other military personnel. And then few of us went out to drink.

I was never one to get drunk. There was something unappealing about someone so drunk they made a complete fool of themselves. But I felt crushed inside, like my soul just got torn to shreds. It hurt to look at anyone. To remember. Never before had I ever had such a strong desire to wash away the pain.

A few blocks from the tents, I found a bar. The bar was rowdy and loud with soldiers sloshing beer across the table and bellowing fits of laughter. All the bodies created humidity that clung to my clothes, causing a layer of perspiration to appear on my face. Disregarding the bawdy interactions around me, I made a beeline for the bar.

Sitting down in a stool, the bartender came up to me and asked, "Whatcha want, darling?"

"Hard liquor."


	27. Battle of Trost District: Hangover

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

I didn't remember anything after my first few drinks of whiskey. The next thing I knew I had an exploding headache that pinched the back of my eyeballs, and I was lying in a bed. The sun wasn't even up yet, and I guessed that it was early morning. I became afraid as realization set in. What happened after I got drunk? Did I go home with a stranger? Did I give myself to someone?

Throwing the covers back, I saw that I was still in my pants. The only thing covering my upper body was my bra. I sighed in relief at the sight. I was alone in the room.

As I looked around the room, I figured out I was at an inn. It was a very plain room with two chairs and a table. My shirt and two harnesses were tossed over the back of one while my boots were placed neatly on the floor beside the table There was an armoire in one corner and two nightstands sandwiched the bed. Near the door was the bathroom. At the sight, I felt the strong urge to pee.

I rushed into the bathroom and shut the door. It took longer to finish than I anticipated. It seemed like I was peeing half of my bodyweight.

At the sound of the door opening, my blood ran cold. I heard footsteps trudge in and stop.

"Naomi?" Jean called. "Are you okay?"

I answered in confusion, "Jean? What are you doing here?"

"I brought you here. Do you need anything?"

Finally, I neared the end of my time on the toilet.

"I'm fine. I would like my shirt though."

As I was fixing myself up in the mirror Jean's arm squeezed through the door to the bathroom, holding out my blouse. I snatched it from him and pulled it over my head, blushing madly. I couldn't have been any more embarrassed. I stepped out of the bathroom to find Jean sitting on the unmade bed, just as pink as me.

I took as seat across from him on a wooden chair, noticing a pitcher full of water that wasn't there before. A cup sat beside it.

Jean explained, "I thought you'd be thirsty, so I went and got you water."

Pouring myself a glass, I thanked him. The events of the night before tormented me as we sat in strained silence.

The torture became too much, and in the end the end I had to ask, "What happened?"

Jean shifted uncomfortably, staring a hole into the wall behind me. I waited in bothered silence, fearing the worst.

"We didn't…_do_ it, did we?"

"No! No." Jean quickly answered, holding his hands up in defense and turning redder. "You were just…different."

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he began his story.

*O*O*

Jean was walking the street that night, wanting to be alone. He kept tossing and turning over Marco's death, not wanting to believe it. He was too cheery to die—too committed and loyal to be burned in a funeral pyre. He didn't deserve death for his ideals.

After all the death he saw that day, Jean swore that he would do everything to keep his friends from dying. He failed Marco. He lost his one and only best friend. The world seemed so much colder than it ever was before he met the optimistic boy. Now, he wasn't sure how to deal with it all.

Jean would have given an arm to have said one last goodbye to his dear friend before he died. Hell, he almost wanted to pursue him into the afterworld. Marco was the only person who ever treated him with kindness instead of contempt.

Ahead, Jean spotted a figure staggering towards him. Thinking it was a drunk, he didn't take much interest until he heard a familiar song.

_Giddy I Ay, Giddy I Ay, Giddy I Ay_

_For the one eyed Reilly_

Whirling around, he turned to view Naomi using a wall to support her drunken body.

Shocked, he uttered, "Naomi?"

Responding slowly, she turned around to face him. Her tan cheeks were rosy with spirits and her eyes were glazed over. Rocking on her two legs, she cheekily smiled at him.

"Jean," she slurred. "Jus the person I was looking for."

Naomi took a step toward him and instead tripped. Jean caught her before she went tumbling, at loss for words. She took him by surprise as she gripped the collar of his jacket and slammed him up against the wall.

With her face only a few centimeters from his, she gave him such a sultry look it sent shivers down his spine. Cupping his face between her hands, she gazed into his eyes with what seemed like a less drunken face.

"I've had a crush on you since the first day of training. I'd watch you while you weren't looking. I was checking out your ass part of the time, and the other I was wondering what kissing you would be like."

"Wai—"

He was cut off by her smashing her lips against his, causing him to grunt in shock. And then she pried his mouth open forcefully, sticking her tongue out to playfully dance with his. He could taste the alcohol coating her mouth. Jean was trying to refuse her in her drunken state, but his resolution quickly fell through as they kissed. He couldn't help but kiss back.

Jean forgot everything for a moment, engrossed in the kiss. It was when Naomi started grinding her body against his that he snapped out of his daze and pushed her away.

"Stop," Jean pressed, holding her shoulders.

Naomi pouted at him, a gesture that she never did. "Why? Don't you like it?"

She did it again and received a stifled groan from Jean. This time, Jean wasn't going to relent.

"You're drunk. We can't do anything when you're drunk."

She slid his hands off of her shoulders and leaned in so that their noses were barely touching. Jean fought back the urge to kiss her again, and instead waited to see what she'd do next. Naomi shot him a peeved look, studying his face.

She whispered, "Party pooper."

Her alcoholic breath ghosted across his face, reminding him of her drunkenness. All of a sudden, she moved away from him and slowly puttered down the street again, singing Reilly's Daughter once more.

Jean realized that she'd wake the whole camp with her slurred singing. Knowing the real Naomi would be horrified with herself the next day, Jean decided that taking her to a nearby inn would be best. She wouldn't want anyone to see her drunk.

He quickly caught up with her and put her arm around his shoulder. Naomi looked at him in confusion, but allowed him to take her away.

Jean muttered back, "You're in no condition to go back to the tents. You'll make a fool of yourself and then blame me."

She continued to sing, her voice cracking and off key.

When Jean found an inn that would take them, he checked in and used up almost all of his money he'd saved from working in the military to pay for the room. Naomi stumbled up the stairs and crashed on the bed in relief.

The inn only had one room available, and it had only one bed in that room.

Jean was locking the door when he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist.

Naomi purred in his ear as she pulled them deeper into the room, "I'm hot. You wanna come to bed?"

At that statement, Jean yanked her arms off of him and turned around to face her.

"No," he said with as much conviction as he could.

Acting as if she never heard him, Naomi sat down on the bed, working her harnesses off. Jean shamelessly gawked at her as she did it. Naomi held eye contact with him, inviting him with her eyes. When the harness was off, her hands untied the peasant shirt's collar, and she pulled it over her head. Finally Jean averted his eyes, blushing madly and putting a hand over his mouth in horror at what was happening.

"Do I look enough like Mikasa for you to want me?"

"What?" Jean looked at her incredulously, taken aback.

"I know you like her. I'm just the rebound, right? The rebound that looks like her."

Naomi had black hair, obviously. Her recent haircut left her with hair that ended at her shoulders and pieces of hair that would curl up. Unlike Mikasa's hair, Naomi's had gentle waves in them, kicking up slightly from the layers in her hair. Her eyes burned gold in the lamp light, giving her an ethereal look to her face. In short, she looked nothing like Mikasa.

She continued, "I'm okay with you using me as her replacement."

Naomi started crying. She lay down on the bed, sniffling quietly. Jean was never good with people who cried. He never knew what do to or say. Awkwardly, he knelt down at the edge of the bed and gently patted Naomi's arm as she hid her face and cried.

Jean murmured, "I like you because you're you."

Sniveling, she rasped, "I'm sorry, Marco. I should have been there those three months."

Jean's eyebrows raised in realization. Naomi blamed herself for Marco's death. Taking pity on her, he took off his boots and harness and then helped her out of hers before climbing into bed to hold her. Naomi clutched his right arm as if releasing it would mean death. She had her back turned to him with her head resting on the crook of his elbow, continuing to babble incoherently.

As he rubbed her back, he studied the impressions and scars. They were from the harness rubbing her skin raw during training. The grey sports bra she wore covered some of the scars. Through all the training they'd endured, it surprised Jean that her skin was still soft. It glowed bronze in the lamplight.

He didn't plan on staying on the bed, planning to tough it out on the hardwood floor. Once her breathing came back to normal he made to leave. Naomi gripped his arm tighter.

"Please," she begged. "Don't leave."

The bed was much more appealing than the floor. Jean really didn't want to leave anyway, enjoying the feeling of another person in bed with him. Giving in to her request, Jean tucked her under the covers. Her eyes were starting to droop as he crawled in after. Wrapped up in each other's arms, they fell asleep together.


	28. Battle of Trost District: Consolation

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

I sat with my head over my glass of water, hands supporting my head. I couldn't bear to look at Jean. Not only did I kiss him, I tried to seduce him. I was somewhat glad Jean saved me from embarrassing myself in front more people.

"I'm so sorry you had to see me like that. You must hate me now for it."

"I don't hate you. We all have our moments."

On the receiving end, Jean handled the situation well. I didn't want to think what would have happened if it was another male who found me.

Jean started, "Is that what you thought… That I only liked you because I couldn't have Mikasa?"

I didn't answer, too overwhelmed to think. Did I really feel that way the minute Jean confessed to me? Maybe the underlying fear was always there. Jean was always trying to get Mikasa's attention in the beginning, and it's always made me feel like he'd never like me that way.

He wearily rubbed his face before continuing bluntly, "Mikasa is number one in the 104th Cadet Corps. She's the best among us. She's Oriental. She's gorgeous. But she's already devoted her soul to follow Eren to the very ends of the world, and hasn't given me the time of day.

"But all you've ever been to me is kind when everyone else disliked the words that came out of my mouth. I like you because you're not Mikasa. You see the good in people, and that's why you're so good with everyone."

I looked at him through my puffy eyes. He intensely looked at me, and I felt like I could see his soul exposed and candid through his brown eyes. I knew he was meaning what he said. He was nothing but honest always. Sometimes it came off as harsh, but this time it was consoling.

"And you got to stop blaming yourself for Marco's death. It's not your fault."

"I could have spoken to him one last time," I reasoned.

"How do you think I feel? Besides you, he was the only person who was kind to me." he lowered his voice and mumbled, "He was my best friend."

He looked away from me, but I saw that his eyes were welling up with tears. It was then I realized how selfish I'd been. Jean had been suffering as much as me and more, but instead of comforting him, I was cowardly and got drunk.

"Jean," I said softly. "You know if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. We'll get through this together."

He nodded in understanding.

I came to sit on the bed and hugged him. I kissed his temple and laid my head over his.

"Marco isn't gone," I said, remembering Papa's words from long ago. "We just can't see him anymore because he lost his physical body. But he'll always be here."

*O*O*

We were back among our fellow soldiers by the time we had to report for duty. For the rest of the day, we burned more bodies. This time, I didn't make a new herb bundle. There was no greater evil that could harm us like the titans. If anything, I began to believe evil spirits gagged at the smell of their scent.

The smell of titans was a rancid scent of sweat and body odor and their meaningless bestiality. There's no greater evil than taking lives for pleasure. I never wanted to have it fill my nose again. I never wanted to smell burning flesh again. After days of burning flesh, I became indifferent. The bodies of familiars became as significant as a piece of lint. I came to grips that the souls left long ago, and all that was left was the shell. There was no need to get sentimental about a piece of flesh that was no longer inhabited by a soul.

When it became evening, we all returned to HQ to sleep. Once things were starting to return to normal we no longer had to sleep in the tents, but return to the sleeping quarters of HQ. With the minimal damage caused by the titans, we found that most of our stuff survived the attack.

Mikasa, Annie, Krista, Ymir, Sasha and I requested to be put in a room together. The room had three bunk beds. Mikasa, Annie and I took the bottoms while Sasha, Ymir and Krista called the tops. Our things were where we'd left them before the attack, and I was glad for that.

Everyone was keeping busy with something. Krista was working on a friendship bracelet with Ymir, who seemed like she was tolerating the tedious activity. Sasha was in her bunk with my guitar, plucking the strings while on her back. Annie lay in bed with her back turned towards us. I was finding a comfortable position to go to bed in when Mikasa entered the room.

Memories of earlier today came back to me. I realized that I made myself believe I was second rate to Mikasa, and compared myself to her. Really, we weren't alike at all. We came from different cultures. She was more of an introvert and I was more of an extrovert. She was a master at 3DMG, and I was a master at entertaining. Comparing myself to her was impossible because we weren't the same.

Mikasa came in from the showers dressed in a white nightgown. Her bunk was next to mine and so she came over to mess with her things. I looked over to see her watching me with concern.

"Where were you the other night?" She asked. "We got worried when you didn't show up until this morning."

Ymir's crude laughter filled the room. "Ha! I know where she went. She left with Kirschtein to get knocked up."

My face burned in mortification. Sasha and Krista gaped at me like I'd just sprung antlers and Mikasa regarded me with astonishment. Annie merely turned over to look at me with raised eyebrows.

I argued, "We didn—"

Ymir jumped down from her bunk and crowed, "And on top of that, Naomi was so drunk she couldn't walk straight."

I hung my head in shame, feeling everyone's gazes.

Sasha reproached, "Naomi. Why? Especially with Horse Face?"

She shivered in disgust as she thought of Jean.

Ymir chimed in, "She was _all_ over him."

"Did you use protection?" Krista asked worriedly.

I cried, "NO! I mean we never did it! He took me to an inn and helped me recover from drunkenness."

"Then why on earth were you drunk in the first place?" Mikasa bluntly asked, furrowing her brows in concern.

I sighed in exasperation, knowing that the whole room was waiting for my answer. Ymir gave me an expectant look, smirking at me.

"I lost myself for a moment," I admitted. "I was so caught up in all the death around me, I lost sight of my purpose. I never meant for any of you to know, because I'm not proud of it at all."

"See Naomi, that's your problem," Ymir lectured, strolling around the room. "All you do is think about yourself. You hide your true feelings like you're damn ashamed of what you're feeling so everyone else doesn't look at you as weak. You're not the only person feeling this way. We all are going through shit right now after what we've seen. So stop making this about you, and grow some balls!"

The room was silent after Ymir's tirade. She leaned up against a bunk, waiting for me to respond. I fixed my gaze on my hands, her words ringing true in my head.

"There are people that care about you," Mikasa said. "Don't ever forget that you can hurt others by being careless."

Krista softly added, "If you really were having a hard time, you should have talked to us. We're not just soldiers. We're family."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I promise I won't hold back next time. You were right, Ymir."

Ymir cupped her ear, pretending that she didn't hear it. "What was that?"

She was stabbing at my pride. Not having much left at this point, I yelled, "You're right!"

Ymir grinned, satisfied with my response. "Now, I need a favor. Reiner decided to piss me off and took my hair clamp to mess with me. I can't get anywhere near the boys' wing since Reiner is guarding it as part of his stupid game. You need to go get it for me, otherwise I'll tell everyone that you got drunk as a skunk and you tried to seduce Jean."

I protested, but Ymir gave me a look.

"It's either my hair clamp, or your carelessness. Which will it be, _Little Mouse_?"

Wordlessly, I left the room in resignation.

She added before I went out the door, "Room 443."

I couldn't help but give Ymir a glare which she didn't seemed too disturbed by.

While walking out, I heard Krista ask Ymir, "Don't you think you were being a little too mean?"

Ymir snorted. "Nah. I was originally planning on making her go streaking through the girls wing."

I sneaked around the halls toward the boy's wing. The girls really weren't supposed to be in that area, so I had to be cautious of anyone coming. Several stairs and stealth moves later, I found Reiner's room.

After scoping out the hall to make sure no one was coming, I pressed my ear to the door to check for any voices or movement inside. The doors weren't very thick, so I could hear if there were people in there. When I heard nothing, I cautiously opened the door and poked my head in.

When I looked around, my eyes met startled green ones.


	29. The Female Titan: Poet

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

Bertolt was lying on his bed with his long legs stretched over the footboard of his bunk. He only wore pants, his shirt tossed on the floor beside his bed. In his hands, he held a dark green book in one hand. Seeing me, he squeaked in shock and fell out of his bunk head first with the book flying through the air. I gave a cry at his sudden reaction and slipped into the room.

"Are you alright?" I asked, picking up the book and looking over the edge of the bunk.

A lanky arm popped up and he waved at me that he was fine. Bertolt's feet were propped up in the air by the bunk's mattress before he twisted himself back up. His cheeks were crimson in degradation as he pulled a navy blue shirt hastily down over his exposed torso.

"W-what are you doing here?" he stuttered out.

"Ymir forced me to retrieve her hair clamp that Reiner stole. You know where it is?"

Bertolt was sweating profusely as he sat back on his mattress, answering with, "I don't know. Reiner had it put away before I came back from the showers. He's standing guard just outside of the boys' wing."

I looked down at his book. The front of it read _Shakespeare's Sonnets_. There were several places marked in the book, and so I turned to one.

As I flipped through the pages, I commented, "I didn't know you liked poetry."

He stammered, "Y-yeah. I pick it up every once in a while when I'm not busy."

The page he had marked was Sonnet 23.

_As an unperfect actor on the stage,  
Who with his fear is put besides his part,  
Or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,  
Whose strength's abundance weakens his own heart;  
So I, for fear of trust, forget to say  
The perfect ceremony of love's rite,  
And in mine own love's strength seem to decay,  
O'ercharg'd with burden of mine own love's might.  
O let my books be then the eloquence  
And dumb presagers of my speaking breast,  
Who plead for love and look for recompense  
More than that tongue that more hath more express'd._

_O, learn to read what silent love hath writ: _

_To hear with eyes belongs to love's fine wit._

While I read, he came over to look at what I was reading. When I was done, I looked up at him in approval.

"This is really pretty. I'm not very good at reading though, so it's hard to follow."

"It's about a poet who likes another person, but he can only express it through a sonnet," Bertolt explained, keeping his eyes on the page.

Closing the book, I gave it back to him. "Bertolt the poet. That has a nice ring to it."

In return, he blushed and murmured a thank you. Remembering what I was here for, I glanced up at the bunk above Bertolt's.

I pointed at the bunk and asked, "Is that Reiner's bunk?"

Bertolt nodded in confirmation. Soon, I was up on the top rummaging through a Reiner's things. He was tall enough that he could peek over the edge to watch me without standing on his tiptoes.

"Maybe he hid it in your bunk. Can you check for me?"

I glanced over my shoulder to look at Bertolt. He was staring at me when I met his gaze.

He spluttered out, "S-sure!"

I nearly flipped Reiner's mattress upside down trying to find Ymir's hair clamp. It wasn't in his bunk.

Just as I was tidying up Reiner's bed, Bertolt announced, "I found it!"

He held it out to me after I descended from Reiner's bed. I took it graciously and pocketed the object.

Bertolt seemed to calm down since my initial entrance. He wasn't sweating like he was before, and the flustered look on his face seemed to have subsided. I had to turn my head up to view his face.

"Thanks a lot!" I said. "Where's everybody else?"

"They're all out playing poker in the dining hall. I don't really have anything to gamble away, so I decided to read."

"I appreciate you helping me out. One of these days if you write a poem, I'd like to hear it."

He shrugged. "Well, I was thinking about writing one. I don't think it'd be very good though."

"Don't underestimate yourself," I chastised good-naturedly. "Ymir is probably waiting up for me, so I better go. Thanks again!"

Bertolt waved goodbye and I was on my way back to my room.

*O*O*

Mikasa and Armin were taken to be witnesses at Eren's trial, leaving us to finish the cleanup of Trost. The last day of burning bodies was when we watched the last of the corpses burn on the funeral pyres, Jean said the most out of character sentence I'd ever heard that night. With ash hovering through the air and the crackling of human flesh, the night was illuminated by the roaring of the fires that stretched toward the sky.

Back towards the orange flames, he stood before the rest of us and uttered, "I'm joining the Survey Corps."

He looked down at his hand in disbelief with himself. The rest of us were surprised at his sudden deviation from his original goal. I was the most upset because Jean wasn't guaranteed safety in the Survey Corps.

And that was what led us to our fight during gear inspection.

There were two titan specimens that were killed the night before, and so the military conducted a gear inspection to find the culprit. We stood in lines waiting for our names to be called. Starting with last names in alphabetical order, it'd take a while to get through one-hundred something of us cadets.

It started when I picked the line that was adjacent to Jean's line. I stood beside him on his left, and that was when I noticed he was clenching his fists.

We were supposed to be silent while the higher ranking officers conducted their inspections, but I discreetly whispered to Jean, "Thinking about the Survey Corps again?"

"It's the only way to avenge Marco."

"If Marco were still alive, would he ask you to avenge him?"

Jean glared over at me, agitated. "Don't try and talk me out of it."

I admitted softly, "I'm just worried about you."

Jean looked over at me again, this time with a snarky grin on his face. He was trying to hide his own fears.

"Is that just another way of begging me to join you in the Military Police? I didn't know you thought I was that handsome."

"I changed my mind. I'm joining the Scout Corps too."

As quick as his teasing manner came, it dropped like a lead ball.

"No you're not," he growled darkly.

"I decided long before you did, so you can't change my mind."

"Why can't you just go into the Military Police like you planned? Now I have to worry about my girlfriend getting eaten."

My heart fluttered at the word girlfriend, but it was quickly replaced with anger.

"Since when are we a couple? We planned on talking about this after Trost but you were always busy."

"The first few days, I couldn't help it. After Marco, I was trying to spare both of us the hurt 'cause I thought you were MP bound."

"You can't call me your girlfriend when you're about to leave me to go get killed by a titan!" I hissed. "It's not fair."

"Guys," Connie whispered. "You sound like an old married couple."

Jean bristled at his words and at the same time I shot him a look. Immediately, Connie held his hands up in surrender, mouthing sorry as he returned to his own business.

Jean suddenly flipped back to the previous subject. "You're staying in the Military Police."

"No, I'm in the Survey Corps. You join the Military Police."

"Do you know how much harder this will make everything if we're both in the same military branch? What if one of us dies?"

I knew what he was meaning. If our relationship were to develop even more, it'd be harder on both of us if one of us was killed in battle and the other lived. He was afraid of the hurt that was going to happen sooner or later. After everything we'd been through, and Marco, I wouldn't blame him for his fear.

The big question was, now that everything was out on the table, did I still feel the same way as I did before? As soon as I thought the question, I immediately answered to myself yes. Jean didn't have much to offer in the social department…or romantic department. He was hot tempered, arrogant, rude at times and wasn't very good at wooing women, but regardless of his shortcomings, his heart was what touched me.

It was like a feather. Fragile, gentle, and beautiful. He guarded it fervently from everyone. Marco and I were the only ones to have caught a glimpse of it, and that was what intrigued me about him. One wouldn't expect a guy like Jean who has a loud, harsh voice to really be the opposite on the inside. I wanted to see it every day.

Jean's name was called.

I answered him before he went up with his gear, "I'd rather spend my last moments with you than by myself."


	30. The Female Titan: Salute

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

Tonight was the night. The moment of truth. Standing alongside the friends I'd known for three years, friends that were more like family to me, we stood in a group of prospective Survey Corps soldiers. I remembered that if Marco were still alive, he would have been right beside the rest of us.

Nighttime was plagued by the dead and the gone. The deceased friends continued to torment me in my dreams, waking me up in the middle of the night in a sweat. I'd be drowning in blood mixed with severed limbs like a stew, a titan smiling down at me in many of the dreams. I'd see Mina's frightened face, Thomas's arm ripped from his body, Marco's half visible face sinking into the vat of blood. Once I was so disturbed by the dream I woke up and hurled over the side of my bed.

I wasn't the only one who would wake up in the middle of the night. Krista usually wept in her sleep and Ymir would comfort her by crawling into her bunk. Sasha was awake most nights stealing food and hoarding it under her mattress for snacking. When I'd have nightmares, she'd let me settle in her bunk. One night as I was conversing with Sasha, trying to forget the dream, I saw Annie's still form. In the murk of the dark room, I saw her striking eyes studying me. I never saw her close her eyes when she stared at the wall beside her bunk. I guess she struggled too.

Nights before we blew out the lamps in our room we all would get whatever what was bugging us off our shoulders. Some of us came across comrades during cleanup that brought remorse and feelings of guilt that we shared among the group. A lot of conversations were about dreams we'd each have during the night that terrified us, creeping into our day lives through the dark circles underneath our eyes. Although it never brought much peace within me, it helped to relieve some of the burden.

Commander Erwin Smith was elaborating on the next expedition the Survey Corps was about to undertake. Eren stood beside him, tall and intense as he assisted in the ceremony. Apparently, Eren was given to the Survey Corps after his court hearing. I was glad that he got off with just a light slap on the wrist. I pretended to listen to it, only catching the most important pieces of information. My thoughts were preoccupied with Jean.

There was a frigid air between Jean and I—unable to talk each other out of our decisions, yet we stood next to each other during the initiation ceremony. How did we ever end up like this, our relationship suddenly confusing and complicated?

It seemed like ages ago that it was all simple: Jean was oblivious to my feelings, and he to mine. Those days were the standstill ones, where there was no fear or deeper love than camaraderie, and only wonderment. In retrospect, it was better that way because of the excitement that my secret love kindled. Now, it was consumed by worry about someone I cared about deeper than anybody else and what the future held in store for us.

Commander Erwin announced, "Any trainees who join will participate in our excursion beyond the walls, in a month. We expect thirty percent won't return. In four years, most will be dead. But those who survive will become superior soldiers with a high survival rate. Knowing these discouraging facts, any still willing to risk their lives, remain here. Ask yourself: are you will to offer your beating heart for humanity?"

He let the question hang in the air. I knew he was trying to scare most of us away—ones who didn't have enough of the valor to repeatedly encounter titans.

The Survey Corps didn't get very many recruits because of the obvious dangers they take, but that wouldn't stop them from weeding out the fainthearted. Quality was more important than quantity, and the more suited soldiers who remain would have a slightly higher chance of surviving, regardless of the fact thirty percent wouldn't return.

"Anyone who wishes to join another branch is dismissed."

The flood of bodies walking past me sent my heart skipping a beat. The crowd was thinning out, exposing the remaining. Annie was standing in front of me when she suddenly turned around to face me. She regarded me mildly, her apathetic look on her face indecipherable as she brushed past me to leave with the rest of the cadets. Her gaze dropped as she walked past.

My instincts told me to follow the crowd, but my mind and heart were telling me to stay—defend my family and friends. What kept the jitters down was visualizing the faces of everyone I cared about. They were the ones I was fighting for because they couldn't. It was my responsibility to use my skills to defend the helpless.

There were quite a few of us remaining, scattered across the dirt underneath the stage. The commander studied us, his eye scanning each of our faces in interest.

"Can you die if you're ordered to?" He lowered his voice slightly, the torches around the area casting an eerie glow on his face as he said that.

Uneasy faces stared up at him, wide-eyed with fear. Stiff as boards, we stood motionless on the dirt.

Jean cut through the intense silence in an unnerved voice, saying, "I don't want to die!"

His voice bounced off the empty space, surrounding us in barrenness. The commander's gaze fell on Jean's fiery face.

"I see… I like the looks on your faces. Then I welcome everyone here to the Survey Corps! This is a true salute! Offer up your hearts!"

We yelled out our response, our fists thudding against our chests as we saluted. And with that, the initiation ceremony was over.

We were going to be shipped off to the Survey Corps's base the next morning. As everyone was working their way back to the Garrison HQ, Jean and I straggled. Wordlessly, we walked the streets together.

After our fight earlier today, it went unspoken that we both weren't going to become further involved in each other's lives. Jean had come to that conclusion before I did, and I was still trying to settle the feeling of disappointment in my heart. I knew he was right, but after all we'd been through together, a little piece of me needed him. I couldn't explain the way I needed Jean, only that it was deep in my heart. Keeping my sanity in this hellish game of cat and mouse was possible because Jean was my anchor.

When we finally reached the girl's wing, we stopped to look at each other.

I murmured, "I guess this is goodbye."

"You make it sound like we'll never see each other again," Jean answered. "We're still in the same regiment."

I wanted to kiss him. This time, not on the cheek. On the lips. It wasn't proper, but I decided life was too short to be caught up on formalities. What did it matter when tomorrow may never come?

"I'll see you around."

"See ya."

My stomach rolled at what I planned to do next. Hastily, I stepped forward and gave Jean a quick peck on the lips. Without looking at his reaction, I scurried off to my room, blushing at what I'd just done. My heart pounded with adrenaline.

I knew I could never be with him the way I truly wanted to, and kissing him didn't make things any easier. At least I expressed the way I felt in the most humbling manner I could think of.


	31. The Female Titan: Life

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

A wave of laughter rang out in Krista's room, bouncing off the stone walls. After a long day of conditioning in preparation for the coming expedition in twenty-seven days, the girls and I would get together in one of our rooms to talk. In the Survey Corps HQ, there were enough rooms in the entire building so that each of us hand our own room. None of us felt right sleeping alone after sharing sleeping space so long, we decided together to meet up in one room every night and chill for thirty minutes before going to bed.

The Survey Corps' HQ was an old castle just outside of Trost. It seemed to fit the character of the Survey Corps, adding an element of adventure into the daily routine. The castle was so big I got lost once, and ended up bumping into Commander Erwin. He was kind enough to show me outside where I was late for drill. My punishment for my tardiness was bathroom duty.

It seemed like the battle of Trost was ages ago, just an unpleasant dream. But the carnage remained fastened to our consciousness. Even though we continued to struggle as a family with the loss, we managed to take a step towards healing.

We were laughing at an old memory from our cadet training days.

"They must have been mortified when you walked in on them," I rasped through my subsiding giggles.

"Who is stupid enough to walk into the boy's bathroom?" Ymir cackled.

Sasha objected, "I was really tired, okay? I shouldn't have told you guys if you're going to make fun of me."

All of us were crammed onto Krista's bed, blankets piled over our legs as we faced each other. I clutched my pillow underneath me, resting my head on it while I lay on my belly. Sasha and I shared a blanket, our feet dangling over the edge of the bed. The other three leaned on the walls that the bed was up against.

The room was very plain with only an armoire, night stand, and bed to fill the small space. Across from the door was a window that overlooked the lush forest that surrounded the castle. The room used to be just a large guest room, but during renovations they inserted a brick wall to break it into two smaller rooms. For all the lower ranking soldiers, we got the split rooms. Higher ranking officers got bigger spaces and extra luxuries.

When our giggles subsided, Mikasa said, "So what's been up with you and Jean?"

I suddenly felt put on the spot.

"What?" I feigned ignorance.

Ymir retorted "Don't give us that shit, Naomi. It's obvious you two have a thing going on."

"Hab you godden toheber yeth?" Sasha asked, gnawing on a piece of day old bread.

"I can't understand you."

She pulled the piece of bread out of her mouth and repeated, "Have you gotten together yet?"

I looked around at the group, receiving interested stares. "Why are you guys interested in my love life?"

"It's not every day two people have a strong attraction towards each other," Mikasa reasoned. "We're just very curious."

"I saw you guys kiss the other night after he walked you to the girl's wing," Sasha threw out. "That was so cute!"

I started blushing as Krista and Sasha buzzed with excitement over it. Ymir huffed in annoyance and crossed her arms over her chest. She withdrew from the conversation and curled up next to Krista, head on her shoulder.

She grumbled, "You gossiping loonies make me wanna gag."

"So what's the deets?" Sasha pressed, taking another huge bite out of her piece of bread.

Shyly, I explained, "We both came to an agreement that we're not going to take it beyond the friend zone."

"Why?"

"Reasons," I vaguely gave.

"It's because one of you will eventually die before the other, right?" Ymir guessed.

The room got quiet after that. I nodded my head in confirmation.

"That's the main reason, yes."

Krista asked, "But do you love him?"

The blush started creeping up my cheeks again. "U-um. Isn't it a little early to start saying that? We haven't even gotten serious."

"Okay. Do you strongly like him?"

"Yes."

"Then why not go for it?" Krista rationalized. "If it's real, why keep yourself from happiness? Sure, it's not the most perfect circumstances, but that shouldn't stop two people from falling in love."

Mikasa added, "To just admit your feelings to each other in our situation is very brave. I wish I had that sort of courage."

I replied, "What are you talking about, Mikasa? You're the bravest of all of us, willing to take on titans all by yourself."

"With all that, I can't even confess my true feelings to the person I care about."

In that moment, I put two and two together. She was talking about Eren. I never thought about her liking Eren, but it made sense why she was so driven to be by his side.

Sasha blurted, "Who is it?"

Ymir snorted. "Forget about it, Potato Girl."

"Hey! That was a long time ago!"

I asked to the group, "But is it even worth it if it ends in tragedy?"

"Life is way too short for us," Mikasa observed. "The equivalent to an entire lifespan for us is just months, maybe even days by chance. How can we ever experience life to its fullest in just a matter of days? I've come to accept that I'm giving up a normal life—falling in love, getting married, having kids. Truly, we're dedicating our hearts and souls to the military. I'd give anything to have something that was close to normal for a while—a reminder of better days."

"Mikasa," I started, diverting the attention away from me. "Have you ever tried telling Eren?"

For the first time a dusting of pink spread on her pale cheeks. "Y-yeah. But he's really dense."

The rest of us burst into fits of laughter, causing her to blush even more. Ymir gave an obnoxious hoot that cut through the air.

"Figures coming from him. He's so obsessed with killing titans."

When our laughter calmed down, Mikasa murmured, "That's why I can't tell him. His heart already belongs to helping humanity entirely, and my feelings would only get in the way. I've come to realize there isn't room for me there. Following him wherever he goes makes me happy despite the fact he can't reciprocate his feelings."

Sasha sighed, "I used to have this goat that gave really good goat milk. I loved the goat and her milk she'd produce, but she completely hated me. I tried to milk her in the mornings and she'd just run away. I had to sell her because she was useless in that she wouldn't allow me or my dad to milk her. That one time though, when I successfully milked her, was the best tasting milk I'd ever had in my life."

Drool started running down the side of her mouth as she told her story, her eyes becoming distant as she relived the memory.

"That's just weird," Ymir bluntly stated.

"Don't give up, Naomi," Krista encouraged. "You only have one life to live, and you should embrace any good things that come your way."

Mikasa inquired bashfully, "What's it like kissing?"

I found myself turning red at the inquiry, sparking a new topic of conversation. Until the very latest we could stay up, we didn't stop talking.


	32. The Female Titan: Myth

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

"Alright," Team Leader Derby began. "In preparation for the upcoming expedition, we're going to evaluate each of you rookies so we can put you in the best position in the Long-Range Scouting Formation. You'll be partnered up in teams of two for this drill."

Us rookies stood in a perfect block, precisely standing in straight columns and rows.

Gilbert Derby looked at his clipboard, flipping through some of the pages on it. The other officers stood next to him to assist in the evaluation. All twenty of us rookies stood at attention, waiting to hear the partners.

"Ackerman and Blouse, Hoover and Springer, Braun and Arlert, Kirschtein and Peters…"

I inwardly cringed at the pairing, not prepared to confront him. Things weren't ever the same since Marco passed, and it made me sad to think that we fell through in a time when we needed each other the most.

As I moved toward Jean, I passed Armin. We exchanged glances with each other as we went different directions. So far, Armin had kept to his word. I wasn't arrested yet, so I assumed that he kept his promise. Still, I could see uneasiness grace his face whenever we met eyes. At least he could tolerate my presence.

Hesitantly, I came around to stand next to Jean. He regarded me coolly, stretching out his arm before the drill exercise. Trying my best to act normal, I worked on stretching as well.

"Hey," I greeted casually.

"Hey," Jean replied, doing arm circles while looking off towards the forest.

And then, we were gathered once more to prepare for the drill to begin. When we heard the pistol go off, Jean and I took off side by side into the forest. My short hair danced in the wind, trailing behind me as I expertly flitted between the trunks of the trees. It was a new sensation, having my hair wild and loose as I flew.

I followed after Jean closely, scanning the ground for any targets. Ahead of us, we saw the wooden target swerving around on its base. Before I could tell Jean anything he took off ahead of me and made to slice the nape of its neck. The soldiers manning the cranks that controlled the target manipulated it to evade Jean's blades. Jean flew right on past it, nicking the wood. The targets were limited in their range of motion, but that was no excuse to make it more difficult for us.

"Damn," he swore.

Coming up next to him, I yelled, "I'll distract the operators so you can make the cut!"

Nodding in agreement, we attempted our second time at the target. I glided around as if I were going in for the cut, and at the same time, Jean came in from another angle and made his kill. A nice piece of synthetic flesh thumped on the ground. Satisfied, we moved on.

*O*O*

Team leaders Kazimierz Coolen and Reva Toft were observing Naomi and Jean as they worked on their target.

Naomi easily sailed underneath the target, making a wide arc. Her wires zipped back into their container and her body continued its momentum, coming parallel with the nape of the target's neck. The operators frantically twisted the titan target in the opposite direction of her momentum, and failed to see Jean zooming in from another direction. He successfully sliced the back of the neck in one clean cut.

"It says Kirschtein graduated in the top ten," Coolen commented, looking at his notes on his clipboard. "His rank was sixth with Peters in seventh."

"They work pretty well together. Peters does very well in kill assists. I can tell she's got good reflexes," Toft agreed, writing her own notes down.

"Kirschtein's biggest advantage is that he's a master of the 3DMG. Peters is known to be crafty while using her gear. That might be a good combination for the formation."

Just then, as Naomi shot her wires out, the hooks didn't catch in a tree. Like a drop of water, she was falling towards the earth. Jean screamed her name out and raced to help her, but it was too late. In a split second, several things happened at once.

One: Naomi was able to right herself during freefall. Two: a crackle of energy appeared to surround her feet. Three: her fall suddenly slowed, and she landed on the ground gently.

Coolen and Toft stared in disbelief, blinking their eyes. Even Jean landed on the ground looking stupified. The Team Leaders quickly became fearful of the cadet with dark hair, bringing out their own blades in defense. Almost as if she sensed the change in atmosphere, Naomi turned her head to look at them, guilt and worry written all over her tan face.

*O*O*

I sat in a plain room, hands bound in front of me. It was in the dungeon of the castle, only a tiny slit in the wall as the source of light. The stone that made up my cell was damp and moldy, moisture heavily coating the stagnant air. Beads of sweat coated my forehead, tickling the skin on my face.

Without much else to do, I casually scratched the itch, attempting to settle the anxiousness in my stomach. I wasn't really sure what made the soldiers believe they could contain me by tying me up. If I tried, I probably could figure out how to use the earth energy to untie myself.

The heavy wooden door creaked open, and I was met with a woman with glasses.

She had brown hair pulled back into a fluffy ponytail. Dressed smartly in the military uniform and the Survey Corps' green cloak, she towered over me, reading over some papers. Her brown eyes unnerved me, how they seemed almost disconnected to the world. The woman glanced at me occasionally.

"Looks like you've caused quite a stir among us," the woman remarked, sitting down in a chair before me that was brought in while she studied the papers. "Naomi Peters, age fifteen. Ethnic background: Gypsy. Residence in Karanese District. Father is Felip Peters, deceased mother is Delia Peters. They have five other children. Third oldest sibling is enlisting this year."

"How did you get that information?"

"All soldiers who have come into contact with you wrote a report about everything they knew about you. Your Training Corps application couldn't give us nearly enough information on you as your peers could. The name is Hange Zoë."

I kept silent, afraid whatever came out of my mouth would be used against me. Papa always told me if the military ever interrogated me for any reason, I should stay silent until I knew everything that was going on. At that point, I was scared that I was going to die.

When she only received a fixated stare from me, she continued, "To be honest, I'd never met a real gypsy before. I thought after the fall of Wall Maria, your population went completely extinct. How many of you are left?"

I didn't answer. Seeing that I wouldn't budge, Hange smiled ruefully.

"Well, enough of the small talk, let's cut to the chase. According to the reports, there were some unexplainable events that you've been involved in. One report says you blacked out several times during the battle of Trost, another said he thought he saw you disappear and reappear in another place, and then two officers confirmed that you seemingly glided gently to the ground with the help of some strange light surrounding you. Those are all interesting, but one account sure got my heart thumping." She leaned in closer and said with excitement in her eye, "You gave Eren enough energy to gain control of his Titan form. The reason I'm here is to figure out if you're with or against humanity, and how you did that."

I made no comment, staring at her wild, passionate expression on her face. Hange leaned back, inspecting my tense form.

She sighed easily and said, "Come now, Naomi. I'm just trying to get the full picture here. You're not going to die, and nor are your kin. If I can understand more of what's going on, you'll be under the protection of the Survey Corps."

I took thought in her words. If one gypsy who had special gifts was using them to aid the military, it'd work in the gypsy's favor. We'd be fully accepted into society like any other person. It was easy for people to condemn us for thievery because we looked so different than the regular population. My presence in the Military could encourage other gypsies to join, creating a sense of submission that would bring more people to accept us. But the idea of a group of people possessing the ability to manipulate energy can be scary, and just as easily spark a purge.

Hesitantly, I replied, "It's earth energy."

At my voice, she brought out a pencil and started taking notes.

"Care to elaborate?"

"In gypsy lore, we survived the titans before the walls were built through our connection to the earth. Because we came from the land that was swallowed by the sea, we believed we possessed the ability to manipulate the energy of the earth."

"You're referring to Atlantis?"

I nodded my head in confirmation. She barely glanced up at me as she continued writing our conversation down.

"Are you the only one?"

I paused, this territory uncharted even for me. "I don't know."

Hange studied me. I could see the cogs in her brain turning before she returned back to writing.

She asked, "How do you manipulate the energy exactly?"

"I don't know. In my clan, we've always talked about earth energy, but the use of it hasn't been practiced for so long it's almost considered a myth."

Hange smiled faintly. "Well, if it really was a myth, you wouldn't be here right now. Is there anyone or anything that can give us more information on your gift?"

I hesitated, unsure if I was making the right choice. Would I be putting my family in danger if I gave Hange more information? Papa always told me that the Military wasn't always honest. Ironically, I wanted to join the very people who kept order by telling lies.

I asked, "How do I know that the military is not going to hurt my family?"

"If you can help us make headway in our next expedition, it will boost the Survey Corps' reputation as well as gypsy reputation. In this situation, you have nothing to lose. Not only would you be helping us and boost the reputation of gypsies and of the Survey Corps, you'd be able to learn more about your gift under the protection of Commander Erwin Smith."

One more time, I sized Hange up. She sat in a tense position, leaning forward waiting for my response. A hopeful look in her eyes glittered with interest, reminding me of Harlan when he wanted something really bad. Hange was peculiar, lacking the weight and melancholy everyone else seemed to carry.

She reasoned, "Why would the Survey Corps have any interest in decimating the remaining population of gypsies? Our main objective is researching titans for the good of humanity. We don't have the time or the money to spend exterminating gypsies. Isn't that why you joined the Survey Corps? To protect and help humanity overcome the titans?"

When I didn't answer, Hange gathered her things and was about to head for the cell door.

Someone on the other side unlocked it for her, and she was about to step out when I said, "The only people who would know anything more about earth energy are the Sindhi elders. If I could go back to my clan, I could talk to them and find out more. The clans don't trust outsiders."

Hange stopped. Without looking at me, she answered, "Well then. Looks like I'll have to talk with the Commander."

Baffled that she was so quick to believe me, I asked, "You're just going to trust me? What reason do you have but my word?"

This time, she turned her head to look at me with a grim smile on her face. "We all live within these walls. There's nowhere left to go but out. Haven't the gypsies experienced firsthand what happens when humanity does whatever it takes to preserve itself?"


	33. The Female Titan: Peace

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

I was strolling to the Mess Hall when Jean unexpectedly appeared. He was clad in his usual uniform, grey button up with white pants and knee-high boots. Instead of the Training Corps' emblem marking the jacket he wore, I saw the wings of freedom.

I couldn't remember the last time he moved towards me with such purpose. It caught me off guard, but even if it was just for a moment, I wanted to feel like we were before everything became messy. Trying to contain my enthusiasm, I gave him a friendly smile.

Jean furrowed his eyebrows, walking towards me.

"Hi Je—"

"We need to talk," he grunted, grabbing onto my arm and dragging me after him.

Jean brought us to a hallway off of the main one to the Mess Hall. There were torches lighting up the narrow hall, the distance between each orb of light dim. We stood under one so we could see each other.

He looked at me with an intense gaze, his eyes amber in the light. Up close I could see the dark circles under his eyes.

"Is it true you gave Eren enough energy to move the boulder?" he demanded.

"Armin told you, didn't he?"

"I want to hear it from you."

I revealed, "Yes. It's called earth energy. It was always a myth in gypsy culture that we could harness the energy of the earth, but until now I didn't know it was real."

Jean studied me, making me feel like an insect being examined on a table. It was hard to tell what he was thinking—whether he was afraid of me or was still confused.

"You're afraid of me now too, aren't you?"

Jean released a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I don't know what exactly _earth energy_ is, or how it works. I should be afraid. But I'm not because it's you. I know you couldn't hurt anyone intentionally."

There was silence between us. I hated the way it was uncomfortable. It reminded me of what I had lost. The silence was just the shell of what once was.

Jean stood away from me, trying to collect his thoughts while I was left hanging.

"I guess I'll be on my way then."

He took me by surprise and breathed, "I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

Jean looked back at me with a pained look in his eyes and answered, "Pretending we're just friends when I really like you!"

I wasn't expecting him to be the one to bring it up first. When I didn't reply right away, he scoffed at himself, inspecting the wall.

"It's stupid, forget it."

"No it's not," I said. "I miss you, Jean. I miss the way things were between us before Marco died."

"Marco…I'm haunted by him at night in my dreams. He's everywhere."

"You're not the only one. I get them too. Let me in again and we'll get through it together."

Jean protested, "But we can't be together! We'll never be able to be together in the end. All we'll be doing is setting ourselves up for hurt."

"What is that compared to what we're doing to ourselves now? I can hardly stand giving you the cold shoulder." I stepped closer to him to put my hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at me. "Life is too short in this convoluted game of death. I'd rather embrace life than worry about when I'll take my last breath."

It was then he crushed me in a tight hold, bringing his lips to mine. Through closed lips, I could feel Jean's grief seeping out. The emotion sparked my own heartache, leading me to pull him close to me.

The kiss lingered for a moment before we parted, my cheeks flushed by the sudden intimate act. Jean rested his forehead against my neck, his soft hair brushing against my skin. I felt his breath warming me in a soothing manner.

I asked, "After dinner, do you want to talk some more?"

Military protocol dictated that while on duty, displays of romantic affection were prohibited. Only during free time or in private was it considered okay. It went without saying that if private interactions affected Scout performance, both people would be kicked out of the military branch without an honorable discharge and not a dime to their names. Especially in the Survey Corps, each member was a valuable asset.

Besides, we didn't sign up to find love. Every day of our lives since the Training Corps, it was drilled into our heads exactly what our priority was; humanity came first above all else. Even family. But we're only human, and not everything can be conditioned out of us.

We were both well aware of those facts, and I knew that he couldn't be the first thing in my life, but I was okay with that realization. I found a companionship in him I didn't in anybody else. And he felt the same way too.

He nodded his head yes into my neck. "I don't want to run anymore. I want to be with you."

As we reconciled in the dim hallway, I thought I caught a glimpse of Marco. It was very brief, but I saw rays of light coming from his body. He wore his uniform, but I saw before he disappeared the wings of freedom on his jacket. Marco smiled at me, and when I blinked, he was gone. There was no doubt in my mind that I saw Marco, and he was at peace.

Dinner was normal, Jean and I keeping up some of the pretenses we had towards each other from before. Everyone kept asking about what happened earlier in the day, and I had to repeatedly explain the situation. I was relieved when dinner ended, tired of the day and eager to meet Jean in the western tower. The horizon held on to the remnants of the sun, streaks of purple and pink peaking over the silhouettes of the trees in the distance.

The cool night didn't bother me as we talked in the open air. Until it was time to retire to our rooms, we spoke candidly with each other. Everything was laid out between us like cards. Right away, I felt at ease.

For the first time since the Battle of Trost, I didn't have a nightmare that night.


	34. The Female Titan: Shift

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

"Alright Eren. Go ahead and transform. The three of us will be standing about a hundred meters away. When you turn into your titan form, Naomi will stab you with her blades," Hange explained.

I stood next to her, looking down into the empty well that Eren stood in. Squad Leader Levi gave him an uninterested look, his cold dark eyes sharp and observant.

Before I entered the military, I caught whispers of his name. I didn't really know how important of a figure he was until I got into the Survey Corps though. He was a highly skilled Scout, the best out of everyone in this military branch. One thing I didn't hear when people talked about him was how short he was in person. His eye level was almost parallel with mine, mine being slightly taller.

Levi may have looked youthful, but his hard eyes said everything but. Plastered on his face was a scowl, like he found everything to be disgusting—especially Eren. He was assigned to keep watch over Eren and make sure he didn't deviate from what he was supposed to be doing. Having him as my guardian would make me stiff with fear.

Mounted on horses, we waited for Eren to transform. Seconds became minutes. The minutes began stacking up in anxious silence, wondering when he'd transform. When it was clear that nothing was going to happen, the three of us approached the well again to check on him.

Eren had chewed his hand into a bloody pulp trying to transform.

Pulling him up out of the deep well, Levi muttered in annoyance. I was slightly disappointed in not getting a close up view of Eren's titan form, but I was at the same time relieved I didn't have to test out my gift yet.

Eren looked crestfallen as he stood away from the well, Hange and Levi off in their own group to discuss their next plan of action. Seeing Eren's disappointment, I dismounted from my horse and stepped closer to comfort him. Using the hem of my shirt I was going to clean up the blood.

"It's alright," I reassured. "We'll try again another day."

Hange screamed, "No! Don't t—"

As my hand came into contact with his bloodied one, I remembered a loud boom before I went unconscious.

*O*O*

A blast of steam threw Hange and Levi off of their horses, sending them flying through the air. Spooked by the sudden tumble, the horses took off into the forest. The noise of the reaction was like a cannon blast, deep and loud enough to hurt your ears. Where Naomi and Eren stood was now shrouded in thick titan steam.

Skidding across the grass, both Squad Leaders had their swords drawn. Hange swore under her breath.

"I should have told her to stay away from him," she scolded herself.

Levi remarked, "Too late for that."

The clatter echoed over the trees and hills surrounding the area. HQ stood as a curious pile of stones, peeping over the trees in the distance.

"Squad Leaders!" A soldier cried who was standing near the tree line of the forest. "Please get away from the titan!"

Hange shouted back, "DO NOT ENGAGE! STAND DOWN!"

Reluctantly, both squads stood down, shifting nervously from where they stood. The steam had cleared enough to be able to see a dark shape looming fifteen meters above the soldiers. Two green eyes glowed ominously out at them. At the sight, everyone recoiled.

The muscles rippled through Eren's body as he remained upright, looking over the small group of soldiers witnessing his transformation. His figure was so large it blocked out the sun from the ground below him. Behind the Squad Leaders, their subordinates quivered in fright. Eren stood still as he looked around him, seemingly conscious within his titan form.

"Eren!" Hange shouted. "Sit on your knees if you understand me!"

Eren contemplated her voice, breathing steam out of his mouth. Slowly, he got down on his knees before them. The ground vibrated with each movement he made, sending the trees whispering in panic with each thump. Seeing him in a submissive state alleviated some of the tension rising within the group. Hange and Levi stared up in wonder at him.

"Right," Levi said. "What's next?"

"He seems like he's very aware," Hange observed. "As much as I'd like to experiment on him, I think we need to get him out. This has given me plenty of new understanding already."

Levi and Hange glided around to the back of Eren's neck, met with another surprise.

They saw a pulsing light in the shape of a human at the nape of the titan's neck. The light was bright enough to pierce through the skin to the outside. On closer inspection, Hange and Levi could make out details of the glowing body within. Swathed in a blue light, they could make out Naomi's features through the thick skin of the titan's body. It looked like she was peacefully sleeping, arms folded over her chest. Her hair flowed around her like she was submerged in water.

Hange stated, "Now we know where Naomi went."

"How are we going to get them out?" Levi asked.

"We know that Eren can regenerate his body parts, but Naomi is an unknown. This is completely different than the other situation, so I'm worried we might hurt her trying to take both of them out."

Levi suggested, "We can't worry about that at this point. We have to figure out something until we find a better method. Why don't we just cut around her and peel the skin open?"

Hange agreed. Rounding towards Eren's pointed ear, she said, "Levi and I are going to cut you guys out."

Expertly, Levi sliced around the glowing girl and ripped open the skin. Eren groaned in pain, his titan voice coming out like a feral growl. Below him, Naomi laid in a mass of flesh arranged almost like a bed.

The light wasn't as bright exposed to the outside. A crackle of energy surrounded Naomi, the source of the light. Every time the light pulsed around her, it shot through the tissue securing her and disappeared into the meat of the titan. Her head rested against the back of Eren's head.

Without having to cut the flesh attached to her, Levi managed to pull her out with little resistance. As soon as the last body part separated from the titan, the light permanently went away. Naomi gasped for air right after that, perplexed and taking in her situation.

Hange came back at that same moment and forced her to lie still as Levi pulled Eren out. It proved to be more difficult, tendrils of flesh unwilling to part with his limbs. Together, Hange and Levi severed the flesh, successfully pulling Eren out. He immediately came into consciousness after that, and the Squad Leaders retreated from the decaying titan corpse with a teen in hand.


	35. The Female Titan: Authorize

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

As soon as I finished my report, I walked to Hange's office to turn it in. I couldn't remember what happened after I grabbed Eren's hand. The next thing I knew, Levi was frowning at me and told me to stay put while he pulled Eren out of his titan body.

I felt groggy, like I'd awoken from a deep sleep. My limbs felt like noodles as Hange carried me back to the ground, the titan's corpse steaming as it decayed. Then I was rushed to the infirmary where Eren and I were both examined and found to be fine. Eren was livelier than I was initially. He was so energetic he couldn't keep still while the nurse checked him. I on the other hand, was slightly drowsy.

Finally reaching Hange's office, I knocked on the door. She called me in. Upon entry, I saw Eren was already seated in the room. Hange sat behind her large desk before me, a window directly behind her. A fireplace off to my left had a large painting above the mantle, lit by the blaze of the fire. There was a soft chair sitting in front of the fireplace, inviting me to settle in its cushions and prop my feet up on the ottoman.

Instead, I settled myself in the wooden chair next to Eren, handing Hange my report. She smiled and took it graciously, skimming my rough print.

"Thanks," she said. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better," I answered.

It made me self-conscious allowing someone with proper schooling to look at my writing. I never went to school, taught by my Mama to read and write. I could only imagine Hange cringing on the inside at my handwriting.

Hange put her stack of papers down and grinned at both of us. "Now that you're both here, let's talk about today. There were several things I noticed. First, Eren couldn't shift."

I finished for her, "Until I touched him."

"Right," she agreed. "Leading me to assume that Eren's body has limitations and needs a period of recovery. The energy that you provide when connected with him is potent enough to recharge him and then some, giving Eren the ability to remember everything even in his titan form."

Eren speculated, "But the tradeoff is that you lose some of your own vitality in the process."

"Luckily it's not permanent, and Naomi seems almost fully recovered now. It appears the only way Naomi can give you energy is by coming into contact with your blood. I read once that a man was studying lightning, and he discovered that metals conducted the electricity that the lightning provided very well. I don't know the exact mechanics of it all, but it seems like earth energy works under the same principle. As for her orientation within the titan body, I speculate it was the most direct position to transfer the energy into the body. Since you controlled the titan, it only made sense to have her connected to the source for utmost efficiency."

I asked, "Why is it we react differently toward each other than regular humans?"

"That's still a mystery. We don't even know where you get the earth energy exactly or how you can manipulate it. All I can say is that the only time we'll ever see you underneath titan flesh would be if you cut him yourself or you touch his blood with your hands. I thought it was already mind-boggling having a titan shifter in our military branch, but with your gift, it takes everything to a whole new level."

"Sorry," I apologized.

Hange waved her hand nonchalantly. "Don't worry about it. I love good puzzles. That's all I've pieced together so far, so you are dismissed."

Eren and I stood up to leave. He quickly said goodbye to us and disappeared around the door. Just as I was about to leave, Hange stopped me.

"By the way, Commander Erwin approved. You have permission to go to Karanese and speak with your family.

"Unfortunately, I cannot accompany you because I'm tied up with preparations for the upcoming expedition. There are still a lot of tests I want to do on Eren, and so I'm sending a good friend in my stead. His name is Hugh Eason, retired military correspondent. He used to run letters between the military branches.

"He's very accurate at recording things, mostly because he's very good at listening. Hugh is mute, so I understand that being glued to him a few days will be very long. I'm granting you permission to invite another comrade of yours along so that Hugh or you won't get bored. He's not fond of silence."

I bowed to her. "Thank you, Hange."

"Please don't spend too much time dawdling. We only have twenty-two days left before the expedition. You still need to familiarize yourself with the formation and your position before we leave. Oh, and you'll be meeting Hugh in Trost in two days. That means you have tonight to pack, tomorrow to travel to Trost, and then you'll meet up the next morning and work your way to Karanese. I'll have more information for you before you leave."

"I'll try to gather as much information for you as I can." I bowed once again in respect and left her office.

The hallways were dimly light by the torches on the walls. Now more used to HQ, I could pick out slight differences between the hallways. I was on my way to my room when I was intercepted by someone.

Pulled into a corner of the hallway that wasn't conspicuous, I suddenly felt warm lips on mine. Recognizing it was Jean, I kissed back readily as he pressed me into the wall.

Over the past couple of days, we hadn't seen much of each other because I was under Hange's observation. But when we did see each other, we briefly exchanged hellos before quickly returning to our posts. I was usually so tired by evening that we could really only talk for a couple of minutes before I crashed in my bed and conked out.

This kiss was different than the brief ones we exchanged before. He moved his lips against mine in a more forward manner, giving me tingles that reached down to my toes. When we broke for air, I smiled at him.

"Hey," I greeted breathlessly. "Were you waiting for me?"

Jean was planting kisses along my jaw, making his way down my neck. "Yeah. I figured you'd come this way."

"You're becoming such a stalk—Jean!"

I felt his teeth raked over the skin at the base of my neck.

"Wait Jean," I protested, a hint of alarm rising in my voice. "Stop."

At my voice, he paused. When he looked in my eyes, he instantly dropped his hold on me and backed up.

Jean breathed, "Shit. I'm sorry, Naomi. Did I hurt you?"

"No, it's just I'm not used to being like this with someone. I was surprised, is all." When he didn't answer me, I asked, "Is something bothering you?"

"It pisses me off that Jaeger is near you ninety percent of the day," he confessed, his words coming out in the sharpness of his frustration. "I don't want him flirting with you."

I sighed in exasperation. "Even though you know how I feel about you, you still are at odds with Eren?"

Jean clarified, "It's not like I don't believe you. I do! I just don't want him looking at you."

"Don't worry. I'm very certain his mind is on other things than girls."

Even after reassuring him, Jean continued to hold a dejected look on his face. I wasn't a mind reader, but I could tell that he still felt guilty about before.

Mustering up the courage, I stepped toward him and whispered in his ear, "I never said I didn't like it." I affectionately kissed his forehead and embraced him in a hug. "Just warn me next time before you go diving in."

"I'm not very good at this," Jean murmured into my neck, slowly wrapping his arms around me again.

"Let's just take it one step at a time."

He grunted in agreement, holding me close again.

"By the way," I mentioned. "The Commander approved my leave. I'll be deployed tomorrow morning for Trost and leave the following day. Hange can't go with me, so she sent a reliable friend in her stead."

I received a dejected look. "Don't be gone too long. We still have to get ready for the upcoming expedition."

"Hange said I could invite another person for the trip."

"You want me to come?" Jean brightened, the previous conversation fading away from his consciousness.

"It's up to you," I giggled. "It's kind of short notice, but I figure you're bored with the same training we've been doing since the first year of the Training Corps."

He cracked a smile at me, replying, "I better get to packing then."


	36. The Female Titan: Gain

**I do not own Attack on Titan**

* * *

Jean was cleared to join me on my trip, and so we set out on the supply wagon going into Trost. By the time noon approached, we entered the city. A lot of the walled city was under reconstruction. To my relief, most streets were cleared of any blood. The mood was solemn as we traveled around the town, viewing the rubble the townsmen were carting away. Beside me, Jean clenched his fists.

I was just as sick as him over the whole scene. Our comrades died, and their existence was like a simple piece of brick; useful in the moment only to be tossed aside once it fulfilled its duty. For their sacrifice, they are only remembered by those who knew them before death. The rest of humanity doesn't even bat an eyelash, continuing on with its own self-centered agendas. They deserved more than that.

Arrangements before our arrival in Trost were made at a cheap inn a few blocks away from the Garrison HQ. Once we placed our suitcases in our rooms we headed out to gather supplies for the trip. Despite all the damage of the battle, things seemed to be moving normally with wagons full of goods rolling down streets and people walking to and fro. I pulled out Hange's papers from my inside pocket of my uniform jacket.

"It says that Hugh Eason is arranging for our transportation and will be prepared to meet us by the Garrison HQ's entrance tomorrow at six in the morning. We're ordered to gather the supplies for the journey and drop them off to the Supply Officer at HQ for Hugh."

In our walk, we found a more heavily treaded street. Stalls lined the street selling their wares and enticing customers to buy their items. I could smell cooking permeating the air.

As we went around to the different stalls, Jean asked, "So what's our contact like? Do you know?"

"Hange told me that they'd been good friends for a long time. He used to work in the Garrison Regiment until one titan attack he lost one of his legs. For the rest of his career, he ran letters between the military branches. Hugh happens to also be mute, but according to Hange, he doesn't like silence."

"So that's why I was able to come along," Jean deduced. "I'm just to kill the time."

I smiled. "Yeah, I guess you could look at it that way."

He had a bag with our purchases slung over his shoulder as we sought out our next item. The next item on the list we had to buy was a large sack of oats for the horses. As the stall owner bagged our oats for us, I felt Jean's body press up behind me. One hand reached around to rest around my waist, trapping me against the table of the stall. I gave him an inquisitive look.

"Is it okay to do this?" Jean asked.

I felt myself start to blush. "Sure, but aren't we on duty?"

He smirked at me, leaning in closer, "Technically, we're off duty until we get back to the Survey Corps HQ, so I don't see why it wouldn't be okay."

My heart skipped a beat in anticipation for his kiss until a sudden voice broke the moment.

"Jean-Boy!"

Jean flinched back from me as if I was hot coal. All at once we separated in embarrassment at being caught as a woman came rushing towards us from a crowd of people.

As she drew closer, I saw that her eyes were the same color as Jean's. The woman carried a basket in the crook of one arm, resolute in coming to greet us. At the sight of his mother, Jean narrowed his eyes at her and became flustered. He stubbornly fastened his eyes to the ground like a little kid getting caught snatching cookies from the cookie jar.

"Jean-Boy, what are you doing here?" Mrs. Kirschtein questioned, finally stopping in front of us. "You should have sent me a letter and warned me you'd be home. Are you on leave?"

I couldn't help but smile at his nickname. Just then the stall owner came back with our bag of oats and I paid him what was due.

"It was short notice," Jean explained, agitation in his voice. "We're on a mission and we're not staying here for long."

Her kind face turned to me and she beamed. "Is this beautiful young lady your girlfriend?"

His face turned pink as he fumbled over his words. I nodded sheepishly under her intense gaze. Mrs. Kirschtein's smile grew even more as she touched my arm affectionately.

"I'm so glad to finally meet the woman of Jean-Boy's affections."

"Stop calling me that!" he interjected.

Ignoring him, Mrs. Kirschtein continued, "I've heard so much about you in his letters. His letters are almost all about you. Your name is Naomi, correct?"

Jean fumed in the background as I was put in on the spot by his mother.

Before I could answer her question, Mrs. Kirschtein continued, "I'm Jean's mother, Roselle Kirschtein. For a long time, I was worried Jean-Boy would never find someone. He's a very difficult boy, you know, and he's hard to get along with, but I _knew_ when he found someone she would be good for him."

At this point, Jean was ranting behind his mother, telling her to stop embarrassing him.

I smiled at her, "It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Kirschtein."

"Oh please, dear. Call me mother," she insisted. "When are you two planning on getting married?"  
"Enough!" Jean roared at her and stepped around to drag me away from her. "Stop talking nonsense and leave us alone. We have supply shopping to do."

Mrs. Kirschtein objected, "But I haven't seen you for a year! At least come home and have dinner with me and your father."

She followed us as Jean dragged me down the street, me gripping the bag of oats in my arms. Several glances were cast our way.

"No," he stated.

"We would love to have dinner with you," I said enthusiastically, twisting out of Jean's grasp to stand before Mrs. Kirschtein. "Unfortunately, we leave early tomorrow morning, so tonight is the only time we could come over."

Mrs. Kirschtein glowed in delight at my response. "That's perfectly fine. I'll have enough time to make you both a fine dinner. What time will you be able to come?"

Jean cast me a nasty glare that would scare the birds away. I avoided looking at him and focused on his mother's ecstatic face.

"I think maybe six?"

"Wonderful! Naomi, you and I have much to talk about. Oh, I'm so happy Jean-Boy is home." Mrs. Kirschtein exclaimed, leaning toward the seething Jean. "She's a keeper."

"LEAVE!" Jean bellowed, startling people nearby.

They shot him a glare, disturbed by his scene. After she left, we finished our supply shopping and returned to the inn.

I couldn't help but resent Jean a little for acting so rude towards his mother. The way Jean interacted with his mother seemed restless, like there was something Jean was trying to skirt from. When we got back from delivering the goods to the Garrison HQ, Jean acknowledged the strained mood in the air.

"Please don't be angry, Naomi," he sighed, taking off his boots.

Hanging out by the door to his room, I answered, "I'm not angry, Jean. I just think you should appreciate her more."

To this, he didn't say anything.

Before I left his room, he grumbled stubbornly, "I'm not going to dinner at my house tonight."

Tired of his lack of maturity, I answered in annoyance, "Fine. I'll go by myself then."

It was hard to believe a peaceful woman like Mrs. Kirschtein brought up a spitfire like Jean. Then again, Jean could be as peaceful as her in private. It made me wonder where his rugged persona came from.

As I freshened up in the tiny bathroom, it dawned on me that I was going to be meeting his _parents_.

In the mirror, a girl with short black hair looked back at me. The subtle wave in her hair made the ends curl slightly as if it didn't want to be contained. Her affable golden eyes stared into mine with an intense expression. I was looking at a girl who did not belong to the people of the Walls.

It had always been an unspoken rule within my clan that though we walked among the outsiders, we remained detached. Our culture and secrets would never be shared among the Wall people. And it always seemed that the Wall people were content with this line between us. But Jean and I straddled the boundary, bringing two different worlds together.

Once my clan found out my involvement with Jean, we would be condemned. I would be shaming my family seeing him. Jean had crossed a line that many gypsies and Wall people aren't ready to accept. He would be facing more than just my clan, but the burden of the social norm among Wall people—ostracized for choosing a gypsy over his own kind. The consequences would be greater on his end of our relationship because of the fact gypsies were in the minority.

There was a soft knock at my door. Brought out of my thoughts, I went to peer through the peephole. It was Jean. Opening the door, I saw he was dressed in a white shirt. Jean stood before me, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"Yes?" I asked quietly.

"I changed my mind," Jean conceded. "I forgot how much I love Mom's cooking."

Pleasantly surprised by his sudden change of heart, I grinned at him. "I'm glad you changed your mind."

Feeling self-conscious, he changed the subject. "You're still not ready? Figures since you're a girl."

I protested, "You can take long yourself!"

Pushing past me, Jean entered my room. "I'll make it easy by deciding for you."

Before I could say any more, he opened up my suitcase sitting on the table and started poking inside. I felt my face heat up with embarrassment at the thought of him seeing my undergarments, and I moved to stop him.

Jean pulled out one of my vibrant striped skirts and an old blouse. The threads in the skirt caught the light, making the fabric shimmer. He also grabbed a cropped vest. It had gold trim around the edges of the purple crushed velvet fabric. Embroidered in shiny lavender thread were vines and flowers over the front and back.

Satisfied with his selection he turned to me with a large grin on his face. "Now you don't have to worry about if you look good or not 'cause I already did it for you. For my services, I'll take a kiss in exchange."

When I didn't move towards him, he furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

I said, "I don't want you to be rejected because of me. If we're seen together, a gypsy and a man of the Walls, you'll be thought of less."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jean looked down at the fabric as if he'd just noticed it for the first time. "You think I didn't know that already? That I would be looked at like scum and lose my rank in society? I don't care about that shit anymore."

He reached into my suitcase and brought out a silk orange scarf and came towards me.

As he wrapped the silken orange scarf around my head, he persisted, "They don't know what it's like to stare death in the face. Everything becomes meaningless—what you understand, social ladder, skin color, being undesirable. We're all the same in the fact that we are human, and we all bleed red."

The remaining end of the scarf was thrown over my shoulder, concealing part of my face from him. Trim from the edge of the scarf dangled over my forehead, framing me in little tassels. Everything was hidden from view except my eyes which pierced into Jean's.

"I fell in love with a gypsy. So what? I love you because you're you, and I want everyone to see you as the person I'm in love with. They don't matter anymore because I've never been as happy as I have been with you."

I crushed him in a brutal hug, the scarf slipping from my head to rest around my shoulders.

I answered, "I'm sorry you're giving up everything to be with me."

Brushing a hand through my hair comfortingly, Jean murmured, "I haven't lost anything. I've gained everything."


End file.
